I don't want to buy my SIL's boyfriend a Christmas present.

[NameChangeMillionthTime]

SIL is bringing her BF to our house for Boxing Day lunch (Covid permitting) along with MIL. I've battled with presents for these 2 for years as in, I am the one who shleps round the shops looking for their presents, they have massive high expectations and I have never once received a gift from them aside from a half dead bunch of flowers on my 40th. For example, I once didn't ask SIL what she wanted for Christmas and instead bought her some very nice smellies and MIL told me it was a rubbish present and her DD deserved better than that.

SIL now buys something for my DC, but puts in little effort and has never, ever bought me a present. She is 50, not a hard up teenager.

I am preempting this and hypothesising but I just know that I am going to get told that in addition to what she wants, her boyfriend wants this to that. This will be on top of the food and booze I will have paid for and spent 6 hours cooking.

I really, really do not want to buy my SIL's BF a Christmas present. Not sure if this is a question or just a rant.

Don't argue with your dh. Tell him you're not doing this any more. She's an adult and she can't expect to be treated like a princess.

Stop making sil your problem. You didn't marry her she's just family baggage. Harsh but true.

Don't buy for either ( actually the 3 of them , MIL , SIL or the bf ) instead treat yourself and DH to something nice
I buy a token gift for DSIS , and then just the grown up DC , ones GF as she been in his life for 5 years , the inlaws don't want anything from us anyway , they say they have everything already ....never realised until now how easy I have it !

Simple message: we are not doing ANY adult presents this year. The End

Your DP should buy presents for his family. We had a children only rule since way before I had any.

Corona will probably mean you can't host anyway.

Christmas dinner leftovers are the best. Like feck would I be cooking for six hours for people I like.

She's an adult and she can't expect to be treated like a princess.

That is it exactly. She does see herself as the Princess in the family but comes across more as immature spoilt brat.

I think it's best we follow SIL's example and stop buying adult presents this year.

No need to buy for them or for this to be your problem. Step away from INLAW present / card / event admin.

Just tell them that you'll put in equal effort to her/their gifts as they do to yours....

TA DAAAAA that'll be fuck all then wont it!

Bottle of wine is the best option, cheap plonk

ell, TBH after I have bought my DC's presents, in-laws and my DF plus food to entertain them, we can't afford to buy ME and DH any presents so I don't get any either

Seriously?

I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or tell you to put your big girl pants on and just say to them what you've said here. They're taking the piss, acting like spoilt children and you're enabling them. Do you give in to your own DCs sulks if they don't get their own way? I bet you don't.

She's a grown up with money. She can buy herself anything she likes all by herself, within reason.

So why should you go without to give presents to demanding people who don't retaliate?

Just say you're not exchanging presents between adults this year, end of discussion.

Fuck this, have the kids make her a crafty present and that be it she’s a grown woman ffs! Don’t buy her bloke either and if MIL chirps up tell her if she’s got a problem she can buy her daughter ‘loads’ of presents. If DH doesn’t agree tell him to buy his sister presents out of his own money not the family pot!

When she emails her Santa list this year reply "thanks, I will pass it on to DH, he is gift buying this year. This is my list of things you can bring as I am hosting" then list the priciest wines, choice and sundries you can think of. Your mil, sil and DH are taking the proverbial having you run around after all of them.

Set the record straight now. Tell the family things are different this year and this is how it's going to be done.

Don't drag your dread and resentment out through to Xmas. Focus on YOUR kids, YOUR family and creating YOUR happy times.

If there's backlash, so what!!! You're all adults, focusing on making Xmas about the kids.

CF's can do one! It's beyond ridiculous you're being BULLIED into buying anything for anyone!! So, put your big girl Santa pants on and take control of the situation, today!

Good luck

Sorry I’ve got more to add, the fucking note omg I can’t! When she gives you her not scribble get fucked on it and send it back. I seriously can’t cope with this thread, I don’t know how you’ve got through the years OP!

I'm a big believer that we teach people how to treat us, they get away with this shit because you let them. Stop it and let them sulk, you don't owe them anything.

Don’t buy for the her or him. Tell the family that you are only buying for children from now on. I don’t really understand buying gifts for extended family. I only buy for my parents and my nieces and nephews. It would cost me a fortune if I bought for all the adults and most would be ungrateful anyway.

“I will understand if it’s too much money”

“Oh good, because it is too much money.”

They all sound awful op. I find it hard to speak up for myself too but if you dont then they will just keep treating you badly. You need to tell them you won't be getting presents this year or else u can do a secret santa (if u want to do that) as you are focusing on dh and dc and already spending enough on the xmas dinner ect. Do they even contribute to that or is it all left to you?

@DreadingSeason2020sFinale

I think it's best we follow SIL's example and stop buying adult presents this year.

This. Please say this.

Is there a golden child/scapegoat situation and your DH is scared of being rejected altogether? Clearly not scared enough, if it's still up to you to make all the effort.

Aw, OP they are CFs but, as the famous MN saying goes, you don't have an ILs problem, 'you have a DH problem'.

Stop enabling your DH. Don't make an argument of it, just sit him down and say that you are no longer going to take responsibility for buying for and dealing with his side of the family, given how badly they treat you. And stick to it, don't engage if he tries to argue with you. Just calmly repeat what you've said. What are they going to do - stop speaking to you? Stop buying presents for the children? I think you'll find that your life will become way easier if they do.

You deserve better than this shit. They are all treating you like crap and you are enabling it.

when you get a link to what she wants, send a few links back to what you would like also!! I think its very rude to not buy you a gift especially when you are hosting for them. The food and drink is expensive and is enough in itself so you are being treated with no respect. Why also doesn't MiL buy you a gift??

I'm another one who would either push it all onto DH to deal with, and the consequences if they kick off. Or, I'd get an agreement with Dh on what to do and then inform them of the changes.

Alternatively, buy something cheap and cheerful (Poundland or similar) and say it's all you could afford after the food and drink bill for Christmas. Shrug and say what a difficult year it's been for everybody financially. Then move the conversation on.

Make a deal with your DH, he buys his sister her presents and you’ll make sure they’re wrapped and beautiful.

When she messages her request list reply ‘Oh I’m so glad you brought this up, here’s my list too!’ And add on a list of similar value.

Then if she doesn’t get you anything or something shit, next time she sends a request list reply to say you don’t think it’s a good idea exchanging presents as you don’t want her feeling uncomfortable receiving presents when she isn’t giving anything in exchange.

I'm still really confused why you buy them presents every year if you get nothing in return? Where's your backbone! Just say no, let them moan and argue til they're blue in the face and then move on. Honestly what's the point in complaining about it if you just roll over and respond the same way every year and buy them something. You're mad.

Just send them both a message and say you’ve had to tighten your belt and aren’t doing Christmas presents for adults anymore. Job done!