I don't want to buy my SIL's boyfriend a Christmas present.

[NameChangeMillionthTime]

SIL is bringing her BF to our house for Boxing Day lunch (Covid permitting) along with MIL. I've battled with presents for these 2 for years as in, I am the one who shleps round the shops looking for their presents, they have massive high expectations and I have never once received a gift from them aside from a half dead bunch of flowers on my 40th. For example, I once didn't ask SIL what she wanted for Christmas and instead bought her some very nice smellies and MIL told me it was a rubbish present and her DD deserved better than that.

SIL now buys something for my DC, but puts in little effort and has never, ever bought me a present. She is 50, not a hard up teenager.

I am preempting this and hypothesising but I just know that I am going to get told that in addition to what she wants, her boyfriend wants this to that. This will be on top of the food and booze I will have paid for and spent 6 hours cooking.

I really, really do not want to buy my SIL's BF a Christmas present. Not sure if this is a question or just a rant.

I'm not even buying my own siblings presents this year OP. Defo wouldn't buy their partners.

Op I'd go down the road of telling them your cutting back on adult gifts and just give a box of chocolates and wine from the kids.

Another way to deal with her it to say kids would like xyz therefore avoiding cupboard clutter

This is total bullshit. She is an adult we don't buy adults gifts. She should accept what you give her and you should get a gift in return. MIL needs to butt out. Do you really have to have them over? Can't you say you can't afford adult gifts this year?

@Chilledchablis

Oh yeah that's right of course!.... can also work the other way too..that's why i got confused as i have a sil on my side (brothers wife) but not on my partners side...

No need to be rude

Me and DH and SIL and BIL do a sort of Secret Santa. We agree a price - it's £25 this year and this year it's a book - and we each get one name from a 'hat' to buy the present . You have to spend within £1 of the set amount. I have got DH this year :) Last year it was a scarf, hat or gloves.
Year before it was chocolate or alcohol. We each try to get something our person will like.It means it's fair, no one feels badly done to, we aren't spending a fortune and it's kind of a token rather than anything huge.
I will get DH other things as DH - this is as Secret Santa name.

gray work socks.

You are very easily controlled by what you ILs think of you.

As my gran used to say If they told you to jump off a cliff woul you do it?

Become the bad guy. Being the "villain" actively sane in a dysfunctional family can be tremendously good fun once you embrace your new identity with the CF. Channel Alan Rickman.

You have the perfect year to make a change & break this “tradition.”

(Staggered that a 50 year old woman sends a note advising what she wants).

Possible options:

1. Say you’re not comfortable having guests during Covid so will unfortunately have to skip the usual plans for this year.

1. Say you aren’t doing presents at all this year & will be making a donation to a charity of their choosing instead.

1. Combination of 1 & 2 would be my choice.

Get a grip OP!
They’re adults!

It's all about the kids in our family, the in laws get a gift bag with a bottle of booze, chocolates and a small candle or something similar. This is per family so I don't feel awkward on the day, they presents buy for the kids. Don't rise to the bullshit!

But they are buying for your child this is different to buying for adults. No gifts for the adults, get your dh to preempt before Christmas and ask for contributions with the booze on Xmas day too!

But they are buying for your child this is different to buying for adults.

That’s awkward if not everyone has children though.

There’s a tricky history here which would be a good reason to stop buying for this particular pair, but generally it’s a bit rubbish to buy for everyone’s kids and get absolutely nothing yourself.

Their entitled behaviour would be enough to sack off presents entirely. It’s meant to be an enjoyable experience, this is the polar opposite. At the most I’d do secret santa for the adults. Children get gifts as normal. Anyone who begrudges buying for children if they don’t get a reciprocal present is missing the point entirely.

OXFAM GOAT KLAXON

Anyone who begrudges buying for children if they don’t get a reciprocal present is missing the point entirely.

That’s quite easy to say until you’re buying for fifteen children with none of your own. I don’t begrudge buying for the kids but it does grate a bit no one stumps up for a £1 box of matchmakers or something.

I’m always amazed how much people are willing to put up with 🙄 No way in hell would I be buying them a present. And your MIL would have been told to shut her trap if she came out with stupid comments like that.

Why are you shopping and cooking for them and hosting them? Tell your husband if he wants it to happen then it's on him. And buy yourself a nice present, tell him your gift comes first.

I can't believe there are people this wet in the world.

That’s quite easy to say until you’re buying for fifteen children with none of your own. I don’t begrudge buying for the kids but it does grate a bit no one stumps up for a £1 box of matchmakers or something.

If you are buying for the parents, stop. If your family/friends only buys for kids then either buy for the kids or don't. It's daft to be annoyed that children don't buy you matchmakers- you buy gifts because you want to.

It's daft to be annoyed that children don't buy you matchmakers- you buy gifts because you want to.

I’m not annoyed with the kids-I wouldn’t expect them to buy for me. I’m not really annoyed with the parents but there’s never any acknowledgment of the imbalance.

I’m absolutely not saying I will be stopping buying for nieces, nephews and god children. Just that it grated when “just buy for kids” is trotted out without any thought that there’s often a family without them.

Sorry I’ve ended up derailing the thread.

In this case with these CFs, there’s no reason to buy them presents.

Covid is the perfect reason to stop this now. Just say you don't want any of you to feel you have to join in the Christmas crush so you won't be buying any presents and don't expect any back. If they bring up online shopping just say you don't want to.

If they insist, then why not send your own list and see if it changes their minds?

I haven't read the full thread but if you are hosting people, and giving gifts to others there, you give gifts - however small and token they are - to those people you invited. Whether they will give you one or not.

Anything else is rude imo.

Oh my days, I couldn't put up with that! It reads like something out of a bad pantomime.

Send SIL a list too! Tell them what You want, what OH wants and what each DC wants. Then say "Budgeting Christmas this year as have had years of P/T working so every penny counts! Our list total cost is £X. Please can you send me your wishlist totalling £X for you and your OH, if you agree it would be nice to include him in the gifts this year. "

Stop buying for adults.
I did. Best thing I ever did.
I text everyone along the lines of. Hi due to there being more kids in the family,( not just our household) we're unfortunately unable to buy for adults and please don't gift us either that's was 4 years ago and honeslty it's soo much better. No ungratefulness no stress

You still haven't answered the question of why on earth you're doing this rather than letting your husband sort out presents for his family.