I don't want to buy my SIL's boyfriend a Christmas present.

[NameChangeMillionthTime]

SIL is bringing her BF to our house for Boxing Day lunch (Covid permitting) along with MIL. I've battled with presents for these 2 for years as in, I am the one who shleps round the shops looking for their presents, they have massive high expectations and I have never once received a gift from them aside from a half dead bunch of flowers on my 40th. For example, I once didn't ask SIL what she wanted for Christmas and instead bought her some very nice smellies and MIL told me it was a rubbish present and her DD deserved better than that.

SIL now buys something for my DC, but puts in little effort and has never, ever bought me a present. She is 50, not a hard up teenager.

I am preempting this and hypothesising but I just know that I am going to get told that in addition to what she wants, her boyfriend wants this to that. This will be on top of the food and booze I will have paid for and spent 6 hours cooking.

I really, really do not want to buy my SIL's BF a Christmas present. Not sure if this is a question or just a rant.

Send out a group text saying hi everyone we were thinking there's nothing we really need and it'll be great just to have you here so we won't be exchanging gifts this year and please don't buy anything for me and DH.

If you're lucky they'll drop out of dinner when they realise they aren't getting anything and you won't have to cook for them either!

Covid crisis is the perfect excuse not to invite them - for everyone's safety. Enjoy a quiet one without the hassle!

Sponsor a goat as her gift

OP you are the one who should be getting gifts from them. I can't believe the cheek of them and as for hosting this lot - NO!

So rude not to come back to your own thread.

If you take the toddler behaviour out of the equation, do you enjoy the Boxing Day gathering? Or do your DC love it?

Does your DH, even?

If not, I would just cancel. Tell your DH you’re over it and if he wants to have one anyway he can arrange it, but you’re feeling far too taken for granted. Covid is a perfect excuse for canceling now and then you’ve set the precedent for future years and can just say you really liked not having the hassle of hosting straight after Christmas so you’re sticking to that.

If kids love it, or you enjoy lots of other aspects, or DH really loves it and DH goes out of his way for you in similar ways then I would take up some of the suggestions on here about how to regain some control. Imagine what the perfect Boxing Day gathering would be like and tell everyone that’s how it’s going to be. Then do that. If it relies on others pulling a bit more weight make sure everyone knows who is responsible for what and if they don’t come through, don’t pick up the pieces for them, push it back on the group (e.g. mass email: “Hey everyone, DH has suddenly found he has to work extra hours in run up to Christmas so we’ll have to cancel” or mass text: “SIL’s just let me know they’ve set off but have forgotten the wine they were supposed to bring and can’t find an off-license - can anyone else help her out?”).

If MiL has a go at you stare at her, blink slowly and then turn and walk away. Or say “It was up to DH this year”. Or “I didn’t think much to your behaviour either.” Or “I’m more than happy not to bother next year.” Don’t indulge her complaining at all.

Why don't you send her a link for presents you would like?

Tell them you are donating to charity so no pressies this year.

😩 I feel for you and quite happily will not be buying NOBODY but my kids gifts this year. My reasons corvid an I can’t be arsed with my own sister(she’s the youngest and spoilt) always telling me what I must get her kids but must settle for bare minimum from her for mine.

I love my nieces to bits but blah, tiered of the toxic entitled behaviour from every and everyone at this point.

What I used todo for my sis an her partner was to buy a drink. Prosecco or a wine will suffice only if you absolutely feel you need to though. But I put a stop to this by saying I only buy for kids an she’s spoiling that. 😩

Either way please do what will make you feel good within you but remember If you continue to allow it you people to have you as a push over it won’t stop.

I'd tell her I donated the cash for their presents. FOR CATS

Serve up bone dry turkey boiled to death sprouts & instant mash, hopefully they'll never darken your doorstep again. If that doesn't work, move house, no forwarding address

Tell the whole lot of them you have covid symptoms & are isolating, tell them the day before and let them rot.

Buy them each a donkey from the donkey sanctuary for Christmas.

Tell them that you've gone vegan and teetotal and will be serving a nut roast for Christmas dinner. Keep the turkey and pigs in blankets for Boxing Day and scoff it all yourselves.

I had similar last year. Suggest you send this:
‘Dear SIL/MIL, we’re looking forward to seeing you on Boxing Day. V happy to host but just letting you know that we’re not doing presents this year as finances won’t stretch after lockdown. The children are busy making Grandma/MIL something they are excited to give — so please don’t feel you need to buy us anything, we have explained the arrangements to the children so they do not expect gifts. I’m sure you understand - it’s been such a difficult year.
Love DH

OP why are you ignoring all the posters asking why this is your issue and not your DH’s issue?
Why do you have to find and buy the presents?

OP. How old is your oldest child? subtract that from 18 or 19 . That is probably how many Christmas Days you have left whilst the children are all young together... that fact alone should make you want to change how these events are unrolling and not put up with this anymore.

Until this thread, everyone surrounding OP told her she was in the wrong, her MIL, her SIL and her DH who argues with her when she protests their behaviour. So although it may seem like "why didn't she just say no?" she did but her DH wouldn't listen to her.

So I think suggestions of getting her DH to do the presents etc won't work since he's already proved he's useless/lazy/lets her take all the flack from relatives and doesn't back her up.
It also won't work offering secret Santas, budget limits etc to these people as they will either ignore it or start negotiating their own warped version of "the new rules" and it won't make them treat OP with any more respect.
I think the suggestion of emailing everyone now and saying we won't be buying presents this year, so don't buy us or the DC any, our present to you is to the Christmas Feast we are hosting (again). Make sure to add DH into this email and then STICK TO YOUR GUNS. Get the kids up early and enjoy opening presents before the rellies get there. If you tell DH you are not buying presents and stick to it... what is he going to do?
Or stop hosting and visit MIL instead on Boxing day or when ever.
It's your life and you only have a limited amount of time to be a mum with young children before time moves on and they grow up.

This 🙌 get a grip! Or why even invite them ?

When she sends requests for gifts, send back your request. Because of covid we are all stuggling to get good food shopping in. Please could you sort out the desert. 2 would be enough, Pudding and something else oh and a couple of bottles of wine. Thanks x

Just.

Say.

NO!!

And head off the awfully cheeky presents requests with a brief message that states that as you are providing all of the food and beverages for the day you will be buying small token presents only.

Them being CFs is their problem.

You letting them take the piss is yours.

ps. I like this one OP... but any of the gift cards by Oxfam would be great and it would shut them up! onlineshop.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped/charity-gift-card/equal-voice-for-women-ou1243in

We buy for the little one but do secret Santa for my hubbies family as there are quite a few of them. £20 limit and great fun guessing who bought what.

God I love Christmastime on MN as all the CFs come out and it's highly entertaining.
@NameChangeMillionthTime You have a thread full of excellent advice. Take it. Please.

Am i being stupid here? (Sil is surely sister in law?).. so her boyfriend is your brother??? I have this wrong i think?

My ILs are a nightmare to buy for so I leave it to dh. He's awful at choosing presents and he buys some right old random nonsense which, naturally, I get blamed for.

Meh.

I just chortle at MIL's extraordinary hats.