I don't want to buy my SIL's boyfriend a Christmas present.

[NameChangeMillionthTime]

SIL is bringing her BF to our house for Boxing Day lunch (Covid permitting) along with MIL. I've battled with presents for these 2 for years as in, I am the one who shleps round the shops looking for their presents, they have massive high expectations and I have never once received a gift from them aside from a half dead bunch of flowers on my 40th. For example, I once didn't ask SIL what she wanted for Christmas and instead bought her some very nice smellies and MIL told me it was a rubbish present and her DD deserved better than that.

SIL now buys something for my DC, but puts in little effort and has never, ever bought me a present. She is 50, not a hard up teenager.

I am preempting this and hypothesising but I just know that I am going to get told that in addition to what she wants, her boyfriend wants this to that. This will be on top of the food and booze I will have paid for and spent 6 hours cooking.

I really, really do not want to buy my SIL's BF a Christmas present. Not sure if this is a question or just a rant.

SIL: “I’d really like this for Christmas and BF wants X”

You: “Hosting Boxing Day lunch is my gift to you both, I hope you enjoy it”

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Why are you even having them in your house. Honestly, if you behave like a doormat, people will walk all over you. Locate your spine and put a stop to this nonsense

agree

We have a rule in our house. I buy my side of the family and my husband buys his own side. Its great... Cause I never mess up with the MIL presents 😂. It's alot of stress off my back.
But with what you've said.... Its you that's buying everything. Just stop. Don't buy them a single thing. Just tell her to not bother with presents for your little one and that you were stopping gifts.

No @NameChangeMillionthTime you are in the mess because you've not sat them down before now and said: we are on a much lower income since we've had the children so we will no longer be buying expensive gifts for anyone. We are on such a low income that I actually don't get any Christmas presents at all. Add to the fact that you don't return the favour and buy me a decent gift despite me hosting year in year out and you actually have temerity to complain about the gifts I do buy you, I am actually not hosting Christmas any more until you both learn to treat me better. It's not my fault that neither of you get many gifts: that is a direct correlation to how you've chosen to live your life and your life choices are none of my concern.

You should also say to DH: as your family are so bloody ungrateful and treat me a bloody skivvy I will no longer be hosting Christmas for them or buying presents. You're as bad as they are and I'm done so sort them out yourself this year.

Then mean it. You are NOT standing up for yourself appropriately and there is zero we can do for you in that respect.

As another poster said, it's time to locate your spine and put your foot down.

@Duemarch2021

Am i being stupid here? (Sil is surely sister in law?).. so her boyfriend is your brother??? I have this wrong i think?

I think you will find her sil is dh' s sister

I give my niece and nephews money, primarily because I don't know what they want and probably couldn't afford it anyway. I do know none of them want "surprises" so its easier to give them a donation and let them do their own thing - which is what I did with my siblings for the same reason.

I never expected much and never liked asking for something in particular.

Families and expectations are a minefield, you're stuffed regardless of what you do.

OP this is insane and you know it. You have had some great advice on this thread. If you are hosting send out a breezy email stating that after a difficult 2020 you are really looking forward to hosting (circumstances allowing) and an opportunity to get together. Considering how many people's circumstances have changed you will not be giving gifts apart from providing a great meal and the chance for family to catch up and do not expect anything accept a contribution of drinks to share.

If people do feel very strongly about gifts then secret Santa is the way forward. Last year at work we did charity shop secret Santa which was really good fun. Charities benefited and people were far more creative and thoughtful than in previous years. Joke gifts seemed okay. Some people are great at present buying and even with a small budget find a thoughtful gift. Others just see a budget and grab something from the supermarket gift aisle.

Tell them you’ve given the money you were going to spend on their presents to a children’s charity. You knew they wouldn’t mind as Christmas is all about the children after all. As demonstrated by the fact that they only buy presents for your children but never for you.

Do adults really ask other adults (apart from partners) for specific gifts?!

Don't buy them a present. Why would you if they don't for you ???! If they comment on it ask where yours is

She sound awful as does your MIL. OP, I mean this nicely but they're only acting this way because you allow them to. I know how hard it is to stand up to horrible family members, I've been there myself and one day I had enough and my god its liberating.

@DC3Dakota l agreed with what you said until you stated that a 50 year old is almost elderly - l am a few years older but don't consider myself almost elderly! 😉 That aside, l think Covid is the perfect excuse for the OP. SIL and boyfriend will not be in her bubble so can't possibly come this year. Oh dear, how sad, never mind. MIL might still be able to. With this in mind you can then go on to say that because of everything that has been happening this year you are having to tighten your belts and cannot afford presents for adults. Problem solved.

It's his sister...he can deal with it.

How about do something completely different and suggest a secret Santa?

What do you want to happen? I would announce that you are not buying presents for adults this year and you cannot afford it. If they don't buy a present for your child, then so be it and use the money, that you saved, to buy something for the children. If the MIL and SIL kick off have them speak to your husband. Or just buy small gifts for everyone.

Send your husband out to buy the presents. His family. His problem

Stop doing it! They're behaving like greedy little kids. They can cry all they want.

Perfect year to not be hosting anyone! Even if it's permitted it might not be sensible. I wouldn't arrange anything just in case, just say you are having a quiet family time and not mixing with others.

I can understand stand why you don’t want to buy presents. My sister had boyfriend I just didn’t like him, has her boyfriend was spending Christmas with us that year I had to buy a present ( my parents made me ) I just brought him some lynx

If you've never heard of narcissism before, look it up. These two are a classic example. There is no reasoning with the unreasonable. You either place some firm boundaries that suit your family and deal with the consequences or you continue to facilitate their behaviour.

Get them both a bottle they’ll like. Gift wrap it addressed to them both lol. It is pathetic adults who can afford their own luxuries would be upset over Christmas presents.

This thread is really odd. Two grown adults crying over not getting presents?

Seriously - this has to stop, why are you acting the martyr still buying them? I know it’s uncomfortable when people put you on the spot but they need to be told or it will go on forever and you’ll be back venting next year!

Send them a Christmas card with your receipt from the supermarket inside then tell them to bring the starter, dessert and all the booze. Cheeky fuckers.

Just hand gift buying over to your dh, why are you doing the wife work? Also, yes, as a pp says, tell them how much you now earn (make it a pittance, regardless of actual salary) and say you can’t afford sil’s very expensive gifts.

Leave it to DH. Tell him why, calmly, but leave it to him. You have no obligation to buy them gifts. NONE. Especially the way they treat you. If DH thinks this is just fine, consider your life choices. Life is too short to be treated this way and not have your DH stand up for you.

If that sounds drastic, I lived with that for far too long before I gathered my courage and fixed the issue. Definitively. For ever. And now I have a perfect partner. She has whiskers and purrs.

Stand your ground and don't buy anything for either of them and as little as possible for MIL if you have to. Other than that how about 3 face masks.