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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working all Christmas

188 replies

Reallyneed · 15/11/2020 09:35

DH works nights in a warehouse/retail job.

This year Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day fall on days that he will be due to work.

Last Christmas he worked all through and it was miserable, me stuck at home on my own with two tiny toddlers watching daytime tv whilst he slept through the festivities.

This year we are due to have his three eldest (my step kids) over on boxing day for the whole day which just won't be able to happen if he's working then sleeping then back to work again.

Do we need to 'suck it up' or should he be entitled to spend the Xmas period with me and the children.

I was so looking forward to Xmas for once now I'm feeling disheartened.

OP posts:
Original poster
Reallyneed · 15/11/2020 09:36

To add.

His boss isn't the most decent of people and has rejected every holiday form DH has put in so far this year Sad

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 15/11/2020 09:44

some people have jobs/contracts that require Christmas working, but it is a bit rubbish that he has to work 2 Christmas running.

With two toddlers and many Christmases to come he should maybe start looking for another job that rotas staff so they at least get alternative Christmases off.

NailsNeedDoing · 15/11/2020 09:44

He shouldn’t be ‘entitled’ to spend Christmas with you and the children any more than anyone else should be entitled to do what they want over Christmas. He has five kids to pay for so working is his priority, and if this is the type of work he has chosen then there is a huge element of you just having to suck it up.

That said, it does seem unfair if he’s working all three of the days two years in a row. Are the shifts all long ones? Would he still be around for the best bits like putting out stuff for Santa on Christmas Eve before going to work for example?

SlippersForFlippers · 15/11/2020 09:45

Why would he be entitled?

Loads of people have to work over Christmas. I used to work in retail and then in customer service. I kept applying for jobs til I got one which had better hours and work life balance.

IceFrost · 15/11/2020 09:47

He’s not entitled to have xmas off if he’s contracted to work on those days.

I presume he has 5 kids to provide for.

Doingitaloneandproud · 15/11/2020 09:48

Sorry but I've worked many Christmases before as a single parent and my family looked after my son. It was rubbish but I had to earn money and it wasn't all day. You've no more entitlement to Christmas off than anyone else I'm afraid

Original poster
Reallyneed · 15/11/2020 09:48

Thank you for the replies.

I can see where you're coming from, it just feels a bit shit.

He works 12 hours from 10pm-10am and by the time he gets home he's utterly exhausted. He could maybe force himself to stay away for an hour and half when he gets in to do presents but then would need to sleep from 12-7ish by which point the children are getting ready for bed as they get up so early.

OP posts:
Doingitaloneandproud · 15/11/2020 09:49

I say you but mean him for Christmas off..

SD1978 · 15/11/2020 09:50

I get that last year and this year were crap, but there will be other years that he has the whole period off due to the days he works. That's the joy of set shifts- some years you win, some years you lose.

Lougle · 15/11/2020 09:50

Can you do Christmas early or late?

Doingitaloneandproud · 15/11/2020 09:50

Cross posted with you, 12 hour days are long! And it's all Christmas Eve, day and boxing? That is hard, can anyone else maybe swap a day?!

Minky37 · 15/11/2020 09:50

Whats the usual arrangements at his work? Does it not rota between working one year and not working over the next Xmas?
Honestly Xmas holidays are a nightmare to agree for a manager, everyone usually wants them and you always leave someone unhappy, it’s a pretty thankless task.

Yellowcar2 · 15/11/2020 09:50

Could you do Christmas early on the days your husband has off. I don't think the day actually matters as long as you are with your family and having nice food etc

Ragwort · 15/11/2020 09:51

I think you just have to make your 'Christmas' on one of his days off (presumably he gets time off?) and then keep 25th December fairly low key & easy - have you got other family you can visit? (COVID rules permitting).

WitchesSpelleas · 15/11/2020 09:51

That's really shit, OP. What days off have been granted to others in his team? There's probably not much he can do, but I'd start by looking at whether his allocation is fair compared to others - if some have got all three nights off and others none, it might be a starting point for negotiation with his boss.

emilybrontescorsett · 15/11/2020 09:51

My opinion is that all shops and therefore warehouses should be closed for a few days. It's totally unnecessary. If you can't manage to survive without visiting the shops on Boxing day then you have a problem. Sadly I think I'm in the minority.
Can you dh out his holiday requests in early next year, and if they are rejected ask his boss why?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/11/2020 09:52

It should be that since he worked last Christmas he should get these off IF it is possible. It's only fair.

I think your bigger problem you should, well he should, try to deal with is why are all his holiday requests denied.

Original poster
Reallyneed · 15/11/2020 09:52

5 kids to pay for yes, and he does.

I can understand not being entitled really, I'm just fed up and having a bit of a moan.

He already sees his older kids less than he would like to because of his unsocial work pattern and having to work around them being at school.

He could do with finding another job with a better work/life balance but now isn't a great time to do that with so many people desperate for work.

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 15/11/2020 09:53

It's a rubbish situation and I can totally understand why you're fed up. However, be proud of the fact your husband is prioritising work and providing for his family. I know it's not the same, but could you have your family Christmas on a different day when he's not working? Are the children old enough to know what day it is?

Also, you don't say in your post but do you have family you could spend the day with? (lockdown restrictions depending obviously!)

Cam2020 · 15/11/2020 09:53

If the same person/people are consistently working over the whole of the Christmas period while others consistently get the time off, then that doesn't sound very fair. Unfortunately, with some jobs it goes with the territory. Your husband isn't any more entitled than anyone else but he should have his turn at being at home over Christmas if that's practical and others get to do that. It doesn't make it any less rough on you or your children.

hoitytoit · 15/11/2020 09:54

OP my dh goes away to work next week and is gone until after Christmas...he was home last Christmas but the three before that he was away also. Now THAT is shit!!

No he is not entitled to be off. And having read the full thread to see he is actually home after a 12 hour shift...YABU because you will actually see him.

Lonecatwithkitten · 15/11/2020 09:55

As someone who organises an out of hours rota this year is tricky - we have weekend rota and bank holiday rota. Normally one person does Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and then another takes over at 8.30am on Boxing Day.
But this year with Christmas Day on Friday and the Boxing Day bank holiday on the Monday it means that there is the weekend in between. Do you ruin someone else's Christmas or does someone take it on the chin. It is my turn this Christmas so have choosen to do Thursday night to 8.30am on Monday.

CornishTiger · 15/11/2020 09:55

Has he taken any annual leave this year? Why is his boss rejecting his leave requests? I’d focus on that.

Original poster
Reallyneed · 15/11/2020 09:56

His rota doesn't change on alternate years IE one Christmas in and the next off. Its just the case that if Christmas falls on his rota days in then it's tough luck -unfortunately.

I don't know what days his colleagues have been given off.

I considered doing Christmas early on one of his days off but he'd still have to sleep through most of it as he doesn't have consecutive days off in a row.

I don't have any other family locally I can spend it with, other than my DM who is shielding because she's ECV so that's off the table too.

OP posts:
Cam2020 · 15/11/2020 09:56

I think your bigger problem you should, well he should, try to deal with is why are all his holiday requests denied.

Perhaps no holidays are accepted for that time of year?