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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working all Christmas

188 replies

Reallyneed · 15/11/2020 09:35

DH works nights in a warehouse/retail job.

This year Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day fall on days that he will be due to work.

Last Christmas he worked all through and it was miserable, me stuck at home on my own with two tiny toddlers watching daytime tv whilst he slept through the festivities.

This year we are due to have his three eldest (my step kids) over on boxing day for the whole day which just won't be able to happen if he's working then sleeping then back to work again.

Do we need to 'suck it up' or should he be entitled to spend the Xmas period with me and the children.

I was so looking forward to Xmas for once now I'm feeling disheartened.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 15/11/2020 11:51

DH also said he has applied to join a union but he's waiting for a union card? He chased that up and was told he is a member of a union

It's probably all done online now, a lot of membership cards are virtual, eg in an app, for plastic and cost reduction. He probably just needs to do online chat or phone up with his membership details to get advice.

Ellmau · 15/11/2020 11:54

An April-March leave year is normal, but not having been allowed to take any by November is not.

I suggest he talks to his union branch steward asap.

Imapotato · 15/11/2020 11:56

I used to work in care and the rule was if it’s your day to work then it’s your day, too bad if that falls on Christmas Day three years on the trot.

I hated the thought of working Christmas when the kids were small. But it was either earlies or lates, so I’d always be able to spend at least part of the day with the kids. Also once I was out and working it was actually fine and really nice to bring some Christmas cheer to people that may have only seen their carers over Christmas.

I don’t think I’d feel the same if I was going to work in a warehouse type job. Surely they don’t need to be at work on Christmas Day?

SentientAndCognisant · 15/11/2020 11:57

Kids remember the day,not the date. They’ll remember fun,dinner,presents laughs,tv that you create for them
I understand why it feels annoying.you just have to stretch Xmas make it special

ShowOfHands · 15/11/2020 11:57

I read the op and was about to point out that my DH has been off at Christmas once in 13 years of us having children, does 12hr shifts all the time, has no breaks and working law often doesn't apply to him BUT we chose that. I had lots of suggestions for how to work round challenging work shifts and family festivities but fuck that...

I hope you manage to carry this through to a resolution. I would consider going to the union, seeking representation and having this thread deleted.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/11/2020 11:57

I thought supermarkets expected you to book all your leave for the year in advance or is that just people who work in the stores?

happylittlechick · 15/11/2020 12:00

I would call in sick Boxing Day. Sorry but any company that treats their staff like this deserve it. You cannot rota people to work these three days in a row unless they agree. Especially not two years in a row. I have worked I. Jobs that require working all year round. Each year we put down our order of preference for Christmas Day or Boxing Day and New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. If not enough people put Christmas Day names came out of a hat and they got first choice next year. Worked well.

SentientAndCognisant · 15/11/2020 12:03

Don’t be ridiculous @happylittlechick. So then he’ll have to maintain a lie invent a 24hr illness with boss know he’s lying.
24 hour economy and certain jobs inc retail require staff to work. When everyone is online shopping Xmas day, the warehouse staff are packing and working. That’s how orders are fulfilled.

ivykaty44 · 15/11/2020 12:04

Id suggest that your dp see his union if every annual leave form has been rejected

SentientAndCognisant · 15/11/2020 12:07

Do a bit of exploratory digging is the treatment equitable?is it same for everyone
Yes talk to union, it’s all online now.

madroid · 15/11/2020 12:07

Be careful @Reallyneed the shop in question may well have policies about employees bringing them into disrepute on public internet forums and social media.

lanthanum · 15/11/2020 12:07

If he's regularly working 12 hour night shifts, it's worth checking whether his working pattern is legal. If he's in a union they will know more about this.
www.gov.uk/night-working-hours

Retiremental · 15/11/2020 12:09

‘Unfortunately not, due to the continual poor treatment from his boss he doesn't feel comfortable. He puts in the request form online (as is their policy) and when he checks back they are always rejected.

Personally I think he should have raised it, many times.’

You posted this at 10.07.

He hasn’t gone through his companies formal grievance procedures and is now asking his wife to tweet on his behalf and raise the AL issue on social media. Again, I would advise you to be cautious and go through the appropriate channels. What he tells you about what other peoples grievances may or may not be 100% accurate.
You need him to focus on HIS situation and what he and the company have done to address it so far.
Their will also be probably be codes of conduct regarding social media postings.

BiBabbles · 15/11/2020 12:09

It is horrible how much one bad boss can make everything miserable (and illegal), I'm glad you've gotten good advice on that.

For the celebration side of things, yes, with a night working spouse, especially on 12 hour shifts, involves things being done differently which can be frustrating and obviously with step-children involved it gets more complicated.

We have our morning with 'special breakfast' and presents for an hour or two, my spouse goes to bed and the kids have their time to go wild with their new things before lunch. I often put on a playlist or special movies (on the 25th, we always watch Hogfather, on New Years I often create youtube playlists of songs and short shows and similar. In your situation, maybe a special holiday movie a day plus songs?). With little ones, I tried to make sure they had a restful period as possible so they could stay up a bit later for evening activities when their father gets back up.

eightxmaspaws · 15/11/2020 12:10

Definitely think about having your 'xmas' on a different day. On xmas day itself, depending on the age of your toddlers, you could open stockings first thing and then have a really light and easy day. Watch movies, eat cheese and xmassy nibbles but generally chill out.

I've had to celebrate christmas dinner- tree-presents- on a school evening before now (but you know this is true for most of Europe who have all the Xmas crazies on Xmas eve) and actually it was REALLY nice! Bit different but in many ways, felt better (dark evening, prosecco flowing ;-) )

ScrapThatThen · 15/11/2020 12:18

I would think that the repeated refusal of leave requests (clear evidence trail) especially targeted at someone with a protected characteristic (neurological disability) would be a very strong case for bullying?
Do you mind losing anonymity if you raise it on twitter?

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 15/11/2020 12:19

OP, there are lots of things wrong here.

My advice is not to tweet/message. That could land him in trouble if you claim they haven't done something or not allowed something and in fact officially it hasnt been raised at all.

He is either in a union or he isnt. If he is, then the subscription reduction will be marked on his wage slip. If not then is he paying my direct debit? If he isn't then he is not in. If he is then speak to them. You can do it on his behalf if he is there with you and there are any issues that mean its better for you to help him than him speak directly.

If he isn't - then join the union. Either way at this stage it should be HR who he is dealing with. When he says a grievance has been raised - if he has just complained verbally that's not the same thing. There are processes and procedures and these cannot 'be swept under the carpet'.

Basically my 28 years of being a union rep tell me the full story isn't here yet. He is entitled to leave and most companies would be worrying if any employee had almost a full years leave still owing by November. Most would be actively encouraging it to be taken.

CornishTiger · 15/11/2020 12:21

Please don’t raise this via twitter.

Raise it through HR.

houselikeashed · 15/11/2020 12:24

I would do Christmas on a different day, when he's not working. If the kids are little, then do it early so they don't have to wait for their presents!

Drowninginwashing · 15/11/2020 12:28

I get you, it's rubbish. DH is a doctor and has worked christmas both years since our son was born. He also routinely misses weddings, family get togethers etc.

Regarding Christmas we did something together on a different day, our baby obviously didn't know any different!

goldfinchfan · 15/11/2020 12:30

what a lot of Scrooge's on here!

He should have this Xmas off as he worked last year.
The fact he has 5 kids is irrelevant other than surely part of the Xmas spirit is people coming together.

BritWifeinUSA · 15/11/2020 12:30

My mum is a midwife and worked every Christmas Eve or Christmas Day (or both) throughout my whole childhood. If she was working we just “moved” Christmas to a day she wasn’t working. There’s no law that says you have to celebrate on the 25th.

SentientAndCognisant · 15/11/2020 12:38

@goldfinchfan nothing to do with Scrooge and everything to do with some jobs are open and staff are in. When you’re online over Xmas, someone in a warehouse is packing and processing your order , yes even Xmas day.

If he was told it’s a shift job all year round then I’m afraid that’s how it goes

You change your Xmas routine, special Xmas breakfast. Kids remember the event, how it was for them

slothtrot · 15/11/2020 12:43

[quote SentientAndCognisant]@goldfinchfan nothing to do with Scrooge and everything to do with some jobs are open and staff are in. When you’re online over Xmas, someone in a warehouse is packing and processing your order , yes even Xmas day.

If he was told it’s a shift job all year round then I’m afraid that’s how it goes

You change your Xmas routine, special Xmas breakfast. Kids remember the event, how it was for them[/quote]
This. We are doing our Xmas Day on a different date this year as two of us are working 12 hour shifts, it's the way it goes with our jobs. It doesn't matter if we have it on the 23rd or 25th or whatever - the tree will be up, we'll have an xmas lunch, exchange presents etc.

The lack of annual leave approval is an entirely separate issue and the OP's DP needs to address this with his employer directly with union support instead of the OP tweeting about it. It's between her DP's employer and him and not something for her to get involved in, he's an adult and has to deal with it himself.

Retiremental · 15/11/2020 12:44

I have a horrible feeling that if this goes the way I think it’s going to go, the OP may well have her wish to have her wish to have her DH at home for Christmas.