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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working all Christmas

188 replies

Reallyneed · 15/11/2020 09:35

DH works nights in a warehouse/retail job.

This year Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day fall on days that he will be due to work.

Last Christmas he worked all through and it was miserable, me stuck at home on my own with two tiny toddlers watching daytime tv whilst he slept through the festivities.

This year we are due to have his three eldest (my step kids) over on boxing day for the whole day which just won't be able to happen if he's working then sleeping then back to work again.

Do we need to 'suck it up' or should he be entitled to spend the Xmas period with me and the children.

I was so looking forward to Xmas for once now I'm feeling disheartened.

OP posts:
MoonJelly · 15/11/2020 11:00

In the nicest possible way: as a military wife my husband could be away for 9 months at a time including over Christmas. At least yours comes home safely every day.

Irrelevant. Your husband isn't being denied his legal entitlement to leave.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/11/2020 11:04

OP I'm wouldn't dream of speculating about what your DH might be up to, I don't know him and don't know. It just seems a really odd situation. I don't get how he is working 12 hour shifts with no consecutive days off. Either he's not at work all the times he says he is or his boss is doing something very shady and making him work an unreasonable amount of time a week.

absolutelyknackeredcow · 15/11/2020 11:04

The leave thing is illegal. No shadow of a doubt. In a big company like Sainsbury’s if a grievance was taken and pushed up the chain (this may take effort), the manager would be found against and possibly fired

CatteStreet · 15/11/2020 11:09

@CornishTiger

Has he taken any annual leave this year? Why is his boss rejecting his leave requests? I’d focus on that.
This. Christmas is a red herring tbh.
Retiremental · 15/11/2020 11:10

This is going to grow legs OP. I would probably consider asking for it to be deleted now that you’ve named the company.
DH needs to raise a formal grievance about his AL.
Christmas day he’ll have to lose some sleep. It’s not a big deal but the AL is.

CatteStreet · 15/11/2020 11:12

Tbh, it does sound odd that his (fairly lowly in the scheme of things) boss is getting away with this within a huge company with policies etc, and with multiple people (if I understand you correctly).

Daisy12Maisie · 15/11/2020 11:15

I'm working Christmas for the second year in a row so we are celebrating on the 19th. Why dont you do something like that? Have a lovely day a different day.
My kids (11 and 13) are used to celebrating things on random days as they have a shift working single mum. They are fine with it.

fuzzyduck1 · 15/11/2020 11:21

I’ve worked 6 out of the last 8 Christmas days
Yeah it’s pant but I do get triple pay for those two days and that normally pays for flights for a big holiday.

The question in your case is does a Warehouse really need to be open on Christmas Day? Even Tesco’s is shut for one day.!

Can he not find someone who is willing to swap shifts with him?

Some people don’t celebrate Christmas and are more than happy to swap?

UniversalAunt · 15/11/2020 11:21

‘ He could do with finding another job with a better work/life balance but now isn't a great time to do that with so many people desperate for work.’

He can still be looking. Competition may be fiercer, but he is not out of the running. Also, being in work when looking makes the job hunting bearable, & some employers may be more comfortable recruiting someone who is already working.

If you think the step kids will really enjoy Boxing Day with just you & the toddlers, then go ahead as you are all family 😀.

Otherwise defer the step kids coming over until Dad has had a rest day & has energy to see them. Make sure that Dad (& you) have a video call with them early (before goes to work) on Christmas Day & Boxing Day before he goes to work. Dress up, open presents, make it special, & fun.

Glossyrocks · 15/11/2020 11:21

Glossyrocks - people have it far worse. Maybe as a military wife I’ve just had to learn to be more independent and just get on with things?

I was one for 12 years too, it's part of the job. Someone whose boss simply can't be arsed to do some sort of rota or whatever so their staff gets some time off over Xmas is different.

LindaEllen · 15/11/2020 11:21

I mean, obviously he's not 'entitled', but you know that. Knowing it doesn't make it any less shit though, and I would be gutted if it was me, too.

You say both of your children are very young - so they probably wouldn't notice if you moved Christmas by a few days, to fall on his days off instead of when he's working.

Your stepkids could perhaps spend Christmas with their mum and then come to your 'late' Christmas too - so they'll have two Christmases, which I'm sure they won't complain at either!

Honestly, it feels like a win win to me :).

On actual Christmas Day, just snuggle up and watch Christmas films :).

LastGoldenDaysOfSummer · 15/11/2020 11:23

So much whataboutery. Why can't people just address OP's problem without moaning about their own. Scroll on by if all you want to do is moan.

Utterly pointless and very unhelpful.

BackInSeptember · 15/11/2020 11:27

I used to work in retail and (like many jobs I suspect) a lot depended on whether your ‘face fit’ with your manager.
I only worked a few hours a week, but like your DH my shifts always seemed to fall on Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, New Years Eve and New Years Day. Leave wasn’t often granted over the Christmas period but still some people managed to get it - one individual got Christmas Eve every single year because ‘it’s my birthday’ 🙄

Lovemusic33 · 15/11/2020 11:28

I agree OP, it’s a pretty rubbish situation especially when he has step children to juggle too. I think you just need to get through this year and then encourage him to find a new job in the new year so next Christmas can be better. Obviously finding work at the moment is hard so leaving now would be a awful idea.

AeroFlakeTw1rl · 15/11/2020 11:30

If people work full or part time they are entitled to holiday by law

The information is on www.gov.uk for the minimum amount of holiday allowed. His company may offer more paid holiday

If he works a bank holiday, he should get a day off on holiday in lieu

If his holiday runs Jan to December. He needs to start taking his holiday now, otherwise he will run out of time surely ?

SonjaMorgan · 15/11/2020 11:31

Both myself and DH have had jobs in the past that involved working over Christmas. We have always moved the day, Santa was always flexible and it worked for us.

I think the bigger issue is requesting time off and being "allowed" to take holiday dates that he is entitled to. How big is the company he works for?

Original poster
Reallyneed · 15/11/2020 11:31

Thank you for all of the replies.

I managed to grab DH for a quick chat as he woke up to get a drink.

I've been able to ascertain that the holiday period runs from March - March.

This year DH has only been granted one day of holiday.

His boss has had 4 formal grievances raised about him including one from the deputy night manager but nothing has ever come of it.

A colleague of DH's, another man who feels bullied, raised a formal complaint about the boss shouting in his face and squaring up to him. Nothing came of that despite there being witnesses who confirmed what happened.

DH also said he has applied to join a union but he's waiting for a union card? He chased that up and was told he is a member of a union.

OP posts:
Original poster
Reallyneed · 15/11/2020 11:38

I don't mind if the thread grows legs. I intend to tweet Sainsbury's on DH's behalf too as he doesn't have social media himself.

OP posts:
Retiremental · 15/11/2020 11:42

@Reallyneed

I don't mind if the thread grows legs. I intend to tweet Sainsbury's on DH's behalf too as he doesn't have social media himself.
I think that’s fine if you’re sure he’s already raised a grievance through the official channels and has been unsuccessful.
Original poster
Reallyneed · 15/11/2020 11:43

Yup I'm absolutely sure.

DH knows I'm posting and I have his permission.

OP posts:
MrDarcysMa · 15/11/2020 11:44

Is his boss has rejected 'every holiday request he has put in so far' does this mean he's not had any holiday ?
You're legally entitled to stat holidays but not to choose when you take them. Can he look for another job?

StartingGrid · 15/11/2020 11:45

@Reallyneed

I don't mind if the thread grows legs. I intend to tweet Sainsbury's on DH's behalf too as he doesn't have social media himself.
I would let the union broach the subject first before you get involved... I do feel for your DH and hope this gets resolved fairly.
funnylittlefloozie · 15/11/2020 11:46

FOUR formal grievances raised, and nothing came of it? I find that really hard to believe. It sounds to me like this night manager makes a habit of picking on the weak people in his team, who he knows dont have the nous or ability to push a complaint through.

Before you tweet Sainsburys, OP, your DH must, must, must arrange a formal meeting with store management. I dont understand why he hasnt done this yet.

missingeu · 15/11/2020 11:48

With regards to his holiday - I would advise him to go to straight to HR and put it in writing that he's already been to manager of the store. Being Sainsbury's they will policy in place for this and it will be on record that they's been a previous complaint. I used to work for Sainsbury and thier management team I worked with were awful.

Re christmas working - if it's on his rota day that it's just the cases.

My work requires us to work 4 shifts (12 hours) over the christmas /new year period. So I always work over work christmas - I've learnt to just suck it up and be jolly. As a family we alway manage to have a christmas day - just not on the 25th.

Good luck

AlwaysCheddar · 15/11/2020 11:50

Please don’t tweet sainsburys but call their HR department directly.