To not give him a son

[headlingfortrouble]

Name changed for this.
I have 2 beautiful daughters with my husband and he would desperately like to have a son.

I know he really wanted a boy last time and was disappointed when we had another girl although to be honest although I didn't mind as long as we had a healthy child I was glad we had 2 girls close in age as they are great together.

Anyway dh keeps saying he wants a son and we should try one more time but I know he only wants a son and although he says he will love another girl regardless I have said NO based on him only wanting another child because it's one more shot at it being a boy.
He says I'm being unfair and denying him the chance of a son if I don't agree to trying one more time who is being unreasonable here?

knew my husband would like a boy, just because his family is well into geneology

Did you not know that women can do family trees, too?

What an entitled prick. Denying him the chance? He had no rights over your body. Pregnancy and childbirth are risky business, you're not a bloody vessel for Christ sake.

I have two DDs, I'm sure my husband would like a son but if he started bleating on like yours it's the last fucking thing I'd give him!

@LolaSmiles

All these people questioning why he wants a son, would they say the same if you wanted a girl?!? Yes I would. I find adults who wallow because they didn't get the 'right' variety of children to be largely self-absorbed. I say the same on threads where women are apparently devastated over having a boy. It's one thing to have a fleeting 'a boy/girl would have been nice' and another to wallow and mope about how the child/children you actually have won't live up to some fantasy grounded in gender stereotypes.

Totally agree.

My friends parents had 6 girls before finally having their long awaited boy. Girls 3, 4, 5 & 6 are all fully aware that they weren't the desired child.

Some men (and women) really want boys, and some have a desperate need for girls.
There's no desperate need.
There is a want.

@Misskittyfantastico85

My friends parents had 6 girls before finally having their long awaited boy. Girls 3, 4, 5 & 6 are all fully aware that they weren't the desired child.

I'd be pretty doubtful of how highly valued I was if I were daughter 1 or 2, too. That's so sad.

I’ve said it up thread but he needs to get counselling to get over this “want” and to stop seeing it as so important.

Wanting a child is a want and not a need either but we give people who are unable to have children a lot more sympathy than this...

Also I know this is the wrong audience but this is why I am very much in support of trans rights because he might well end up with a son after all and can hold out hope for that perhaps

@BubblyBarbara

Also I know this is the wrong audience but this is why I am very much in support of trans rights because he might well end up with a son after all and can hold out hope for that perhaps

That is the most bizarre argument for trans rights I've ever seen. I also think that relatively few men who want a boy to play football with will happily accept that their daughter is now their son and so this exactly the same thing.

He needs to bloody grow up. I knew a couple with 5 girls, who initially only wanted two, one of each.
Five girls later he left her

@BubblyBarbara

Also I know this is the wrong audience but this is why I am very much in support of trans rights because he might well end up with a son after all and can hold out hope for that perhaps

Oh for fuck sake

BatshitBarbara strikes again 🤪

It’s mad wanting to have another child just because you specifically want a son/daughter- it might be understandable if you can choose but obviously it’s a lottery every time.

I have 2 boys and for a while we considered having a third but purely for another child not to have a girl all though lost count of how many people say to me , did you not want to try for a girl as boys leave when they take a wife and all that crap.
Op only have a child if you want another but at same time lots of people do have an idea about wanting a boy / girl but never a reason to have another as no guarantees

Wanting a child is a want and not a need either but we give people who are unable to have children a lot more sympathy than this...
Please tell me you aren't trying to compare people who go through the medical struggles of infertility and fertility treatment to whiny adults who think they have the wrong type of healthy children.

@Isitsixoclockalready I think as long as there is a limit to the number i.e. 'fine let's try a 3rd time' (if you can afford a thrid, and can as a family still give the first two enough attention etc). Everyone ones limit varies I guess. For me personally it would be after child number 3

This thread has made me wonder about the fact my Nana was baby Number five after four boys.

I have two boys and a girl and would have been happy with three boys. I think it is societal that dictates we are all supposed to one one of each. There were a few raised eye brows when I announced my pregnancy with my last baby as why, you already have one of each .

‘Denying’ him a son? Has he got an earldom to pass on or something?

@ZoeTurtle Just checking you saw my response to your question below.

Can you link some of these threads where it's all sympathy?

Here are a few. I had a quick look through them and couldn't see any insults. There are some posters saying to get over it and be grateful...but nothing like "You're a twat, an idiot, c*nt, knob or any other derogatory words.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3914549-Gender-disappointment

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3136876-gender-disappointment

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2691254-gender-disappointment

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3505373-Gender-disappointment

Once again...my overriding point is there are no nasty comments to a woman when she wants a baby of a different gender.

When you fight for gender equality...then you need to treat both genders equally, otherwise you lose the argument.

My personal view is that insults aren't warranted regardless of whether its a man or woman.

There's stuff about Kenya, where baby boys can be stolen, or bought on the way to orphanages for more than a year's income. The reason is because women accept they have no value except as breeders of sons.

Twenty first century women all over the world must have the realistic option of refusing to marry, refusing to breed, refusing to be the property of male relatives, and, of course, refusing to accept inferior terms of employment or any other aspect of normal life.

Those who have those realistic options have two, clear, obligations. First, to exercise them firmly and confidently, defying all pressure to revert to the least hint of slave-like oppression of women. Second, to be as strident and dedicated as necessary to make these options the norm for every part of the world.

Yoko Ono declared "women are the n.gg.rs of the world". Someone else said "men are born free, and everywhere women are enslaved"
Whose fault is that? Ours. Docile, biddable, compliant, eager to please, wanting to be good girls, scared of the physical power of men, but not valuing ourselves enough to unite and defend ourselves, and our sisters, and together, overturn the power imbalance.

P.S. The accountant mentioned upthread was betraying herself and her sisters by meekly standing in and working on reception, "because the boys couldn't be asked". What next, a spill on the floor when the cleaner is at lunch, so it's a girlie job to get the mop? One step from that to the new girl for reception being selected for her looks, told to wear skirt, heels and makeup? Expected to smile weakly in face of suggestive remarks? Expecting to be groped at the office party?

Oh my. When I was a midwife I delivered a lady her 11th boy. I was also her midwife when I delivered her 12th child - a little girl.

This is disturbing. A child is faulty, not good enough, needs to be rejected in favour of continued attempts to get it right. And all this, because the child has failed to be the acceptable sex. What on earth would the parent do if the child turned out to be born disabled or disfigured?

@20mum as long as all children are loved equally there is nothing wrong with wishing to have a boy or girl. Just because some people would like to try again for a child of a certain gender does not mean the other children are less loved