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Original poster

To not give him a son

277 replies

headlingfortrouble · 14/11/2020 22:04

Name changed for this.
I have 2 beautiful daughters with my husband and he would desperately like to have a son.

I know he really wanted a boy last time and was disappointed when we had another girl although to be honest although I didn't mind as long as we had a healthy child I was glad we had 2 girls close in age as they are great together.

Anyway dh keeps saying he wants a son and we should try one more time but I know he only wants a son and although he says he will love another girl regardless I have said NO based on him only wanting another child because it's one more shot at it being a boy.
He says I'm being unfair and denying him the chance of a son if I don't agree to trying one more time who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/11/2020 05:59

if it's a girl he'll accept it wasn't meant to be

Yuk.

My aunt tried until she got her boy. He's a twat. Spoiled, narcissistic, incapable of empathy or independence; basic arsehole. The girls are nice. He was treated like a special little prince from birth.

CoalTit · 15/11/2020 06:32

I really hope these replies are encouraging you to stick to your guns, OP. I'm another bitter daughter of a father who wanted sons and had four daughters, and my mother is pretty bitter about having to do all of the childrearing.
It's wonderful that you are happy with what you have. Are you afraid of losing your husband by standing firm?

icklekid · 15/11/2020 06:38

If you don’t want a Third child then talk about that . If you would quite like one then go for it. I know several families where they have tried for a 3rd (or even 4th!) child and then stopped - often because the wife wanted a child of the opposite gender (both girls and boys in different circumstances!)

MamaPip · 15/11/2020 07:06

My husband wants 5 kids. I wanted 4 .

We currently have two beautiful DD we found out the sex on our first baby as I wanted to get organised and was impatient but then left our second to be a surprise as we didn’t care .

Amazingly it’s other people that ask are we going to try for a third as apparently my husband surely wants a boy. As I tell them no my husband wants healthy children and wants more whether it be a boy or girl . He loves his girls they are both Daddy girls !

I’m sure if our next is a girl we will get asked if we are having a fourth to try for a boy !! You really can’t win .

I’ve a friend with two boys who gets asked when she is trying for a girl !! She has no intention of having another and just asks people what’s wrong with her boys !!

EnglishRain · 15/11/2020 07:11

I'd worry how he would be with a third if it was another girl. I'd be worried he wouldn't be as committed or hands on with parenthood.

I'm the third child and a girl, with two elder brothers. The only reason I exist is because mum wanted a girl. And we don't have a good relationship anyway.

I think it's pretty shitty that he wants to put you through pregnancy and childbirth because he wants a boy, and not a third child generally. As for he will accept he won't have a son if you have a third girl, why can't he accept that now, with two girls?

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 15/11/2020 07:20

You can't "give" him a son. You can't just go to the shop and buy one off the shelf like a PlayStation. The language you and presumably him are using is making it sounds like you're responsible for making his dreams come true. You're not.

Don't have any more children unless you actually want them.

Loveable1 · 15/11/2020 07:32

Know one family who had 4 daughters and then a son as the Dad was desperate Hmm

Also know a family who had 4 boys then a girl. The girl has 4 big brothers and wants to do
everything they do, she is not the girly girl the mum wanted at allGrin

A VERY close family member was the 2nd son to his parents many years ago. The mother was desperate for a girl. When he was born she was so upset she didn’t even name him and left it to a nurse who named him. He had a horrible childhood, was always compared to his amazing brother who was amazing and could do no wrong Hmm. He went no contact with his family as soon as he could, been over 40 years now, all because the mum wanted a girl...it’s heartbreaking.

Roselilly36 · 15/11/2020 07:33

Some men want a son, just like some women want a daughter. My DH was a 4th attempt to get a son, so lucky for me! His dad really wanted a son, of course he loved his daughters there was no question about that, but he just really wanted a son. I have a few mum friends who have 4 daughters and would love a son. We have two DS and they are so lovely, I don’t feel as if we have missed out by not having a DD.

Sunflowergirl1 · 15/11/2020 07:39

Our neighbours kept trying for a boy. Have 5 lovely girls now

Quirrelsotherface · 15/11/2020 07:49

Haha! I love some of these responses - turn this on it’s head and it’s a woman desperate for a girl and it’s all “oh yes gender disappointment is such a real thing and so devastating”. Makes my blood boil hmm

Absolutely this! All sympathy when it's women sad they haven't got a DD. I actually think most men have the need for a DS and it's more difficult for them to deal with the disappointment imo if they just have girls.
As a woman you carry and feed that baby so are bonded to them no matter what once they're here.

Hardbackwriter · 15/11/2020 07:59

Maybe he’s been dreaming of having a son for years, men want to do “boy” things with a son, whether it’s because their dads did it with them, or their dads didn’t... it’s no different to women fantasising about going bridal shopping with their daughters.

You're right, it is no different. They're both stupid and pathetic ways to feel about a decision to bring an actual human being into the world.

cptartapp · 15/11/2020 08:02

And if this relationship fails who'll be left as a lone parent of three? Men usually don't take the DC with them, let alone do 50/50 when they up and off.
And research shows men are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.

VettiyaIruken · 15/11/2020 08:08

I absolutely would not.
Suppose it's another girl. Will he end up hasslinh you to try again, even though he promises now he won't? Or sulk? Or let his daughters see his disappointment? Talk to them/ withing their earshot about how much he'd wanted a son ?

And even worse - suppose it IS a boy! Ding ding ding the golden child is born! I am as sure as it is possible to be that the longed for son will receive all his attention and your daughters will grow up feeling so unimportant to him.

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 15/11/2020 08:14

You know that if YOU decide no more dc, you will have to be 100% in charge of birth control from now on, right? Probably hormonal, which however you look at it will have some side effects? Not only is he putting pressure on you to go through pregnancy, childbirth and recovery on a 50/50 bet, he's also asking you, and your dds to lower your future living standards, for you to put your life on hold even longer to care for a newborn/baby/toddler, school runs, part time working (which will limit your career, pension, potential financial outcome if you divorce..). Suggest counselling for you both for him to explain why he needs a ds, and how it would impact you all.

FirstClassFlightHome · 15/11/2020 08:19

Would he pay for sex selection OP? That is the only way to guarantee the sex of your DC. It costs about 10k though.

My DH wanted a boy to share his love of tinkering around with cars. DS couldn’t give a fuck about cars. DD, on the other hand, loves them and spends loads of time in the garage with DH.

MondeoFan · 15/11/2020 08:28

If you're happy to try for another then go ahead, I'd talk it through though and make all the right noises - can we afford a 3rd, what if it's another girl etc how will the bedroom situations work etc.
There is some old wives tales online that you can look at about how to try and conceive a boy/girl etc.
My cousin had 2 boys and was desperate for a girl and looked up all these things that you had to do, drove her poor DH mad with it in the end but hey they got their wish

YellowEllis · 15/11/2020 08:31

@borntohula

Is he Henry the Eighth? I think it's really unfair to guilt trip you for saying no to another pregnancy/baby and if he was disappointed about your second, I find it hard to believe he wouldn't be about a third. Also, no one should pressure their partner into having a baby, ever!? He is being unreasonable.
Is he Henry the Eighth GrinGrinGrin
SandyY2K · 15/11/2020 12:38

My friends mum kept trying for a boy...she ended up with 8 girls and that was with 2 husbands.

Another friend had 2 girls...her DH wanted another...she asked whether he wanted another child or a boy. He said he would like a boy (as she herself did), but that he would still rather have 3 girls, than 2 girls...she got pregnant and it was a girl...he was very happy.

I think it was my friend who was actually more disappointed tbh...but said child is now 21 and she's way past it. She loves her girls.

I do agree that it seems acceptable for women to be disappointed by the gender, but not men. Nobody resorts to calling the women dicks, twats, pricks or says it's misandry.

I remember when I had DD, there was a woman who gave birth to her 4th boy, she was so upset and refused to breastfeed him.. she said she would have breastfed a girl...but she just didn't seem bothered with him.

As there is no guarantee another child will be a boy, I would not get pregnant..it would be far too stressful.

VestaTilley · 15/11/2020 12:42

I couldn’t stay married to a man like this- he sounds stupid as well as awful.

Does he realise it’s his sperm that determines whether you have a son or daughter?

Why doesn’t he be grateful for the daughters he has? There’s no guarantee you’d have a son this time, just a daughter who he’d probably resent. You can’t guarantee him a son- and they’re no better than daughters!

He wants you to put yourself through the pain and danger of pregnancy and childbirth again, and for what? A boy to play football with? He can play football with his girls.

He’s not a man - he’s pathetic, a bad husband and a bad father.

Do yourself a favour and take your girls and leave.

AriesTheRam · 15/11/2020 12:43

Its not as easy as that though.A woman in the news recently had 14 sons before she had her daughter.

ZoeTurtle · 15/11/2020 12:45

@Quirrelsotherface

Haha! I love some of these responses - turn this on it’s head and it’s a woman desperate for a girl and it’s all “oh yes gender disappointment is such a real thing and so devastating”. Makes my blood boil hmm

Absolutely this! All sympathy when it's women sad they haven't got a DD. I actually think most men have the need for a DS and it's more difficult for them to deal with the disappointment imo if they just have girls.
As a woman you carry and feed that baby so are bonded to them no matter what once they're here.

Can you link some of these threads where it's all sympathy?

Every thread about gender disappointment I've seen has been overwhelmingly negative.

MrsBrunch · 15/11/2020 12:46

I would be disappointed to be with a man who values males over females. I hope his daughters never know.

Yohoheaveho · 15/11/2020 12:49

When I was pregnant I was just delighted to have a healthy baby, I enjoyed the surprise of finding out whether the baby was a boy or a girl.
It never entered my head to be disappointed ....you welcome and love the baby that comes to you

Nodancingshoes · 15/11/2020 12:57

I do get that some men would want a son but there are no guarentees and it could be damaging for all of your relationships if things don't go the way you want it to. Having another baby is a huge deal - don't do it for the wrong reasons. I have 2 boys who I love dearly. I do not want another baby but if it happened, I would want a girl. This would not be a reason for having a third baby though - I would have to want another BABY not just want a girl.

FelicityPike · 15/11/2020 13:01

Imagine if a few years down the line, after he got his previous son & heir, that said son announced they were transgender and daddy dear ended up with three girls after all.
He is definitely BU.

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