To not give him a son

[headlingfortrouble]

Name changed for this.
I have 2 beautiful daughters with my husband and he would desperately like to have a son.

I know he really wanted a boy last time and was disappointed when we had another girl although to be honest although I didn't mind as long as we had a healthy child I was glad we had 2 girls close in age as they are great together.

Anyway dh keeps saying he wants a son and we should try one more time but I know he only wants a son and although he says he will love another girl regardless I have said NO based on him only wanting another child because it's one more shot at it being a boy.
He says I'm being unfair and denying him the chance of a son if I don't agree to trying one more time who is being unreasonable here?

There’s nothing wrong with having a preference, but the preference should be secondary to the desire to have a child, not the thing driving the decision IMO.

@BubblyBarbara
Lol

I’m sure he’ll get over it. He needs to enjoy what he has, I’m sure your girls are wonderful little people op. Nice ages and plenty time to enjoy them whilst they are small and almost heading for school.

I have 4 boys & have lost count the amount of people who asked if I kept going to get a girl or when will I be having no5 in case it’s pink?..well it’s no one else’s business really is it?. I would have liked a girl but I’ve got 4 really lovely different boys, great fun to be around and bring me loads of happiness, I don’t feel I’ve missed out or anything like that. I’ve enjoyed being their mum and I know how incredibly blessed I am to have such lovely lads. I’m glad you’ve agreed to stop with your lovely girls enjoy them, it flies in they’ll be grown up before you know it - my eldest is 19 and I can’t believe my baby boy is a man now 😂

@headlingfortrouble I'm glad it worked out in the end for both of you.

I'm in a similar situation and a similar age to you. I was slightly disappointed that dd was a girl and I personally would've preferred a boy. We're going to try for one more because of our age but we'll definitely stop at 2. Now I've changed my mind and we both would prefer another girl so that dd will have a sister. Make no mistake I'll still be disappointed, but it's something I can live with. I have 3 nephews, I mentor and when I retire I plan to foster regardless of whether or not I have a son.

I know one woman who had 7 children by caesarian because 1-6 were boys and daddy wanted a girl. She looked like a patchwork quilt by the end of it. We were all so very relieved when 7 was a girl.

@Crappyfridays7

I’m sure he’ll get over it. He needs to enjoy what he has, I’m sure your girls are wonderful little people op. Nice ages and plenty time to enjoy them whilst they are small and almost heading for school.

I have 4 boys & have lost count the amount of people who asked if I kept going to get a girl or when will I be having no5 in case it’s pink?..well it’s no one else’s business really is it?. I would have liked a girl but I’ve got 4 really lovely different boys, great fun to be around and bring me loads of happiness, I don’t feel I’ve missed out or anything like that. I’ve enjoyed being their mum and I know how incredibly blessed I am to have such lovely lads. I’m glad you’ve agreed to stop with your lovely girls enjoy them, it flies in they’ll be grown up before you know it - my eldest is 19 and I can’t believe my baby boy is a man now 😂

Exactly the same here! We have 4 boys aged 25 - 14 and I was always asked if we had four as I was trying for a girl. No, we wanted 4 children regardless of sex.

I'm now 45 and still asked if we're going to try for a girl .

I’m glad he’s accepted your decision. 37 imo, which I know many don’t share, is getting on a bit I think. Risks increase. Good luck and enjoy your daughters.

Sorry I fucking hate men like this. Telling you what they want you to do with your body (and I'm going to guess you're going to be doing all the work after the baby is born) because they want "a little footballer".

He doesn't sound bright enough to have a baby for one thing. If he was, he'd realise its a statistical gamble and the odds are in favour of your having another girl.

For another he clearly has some basically misogynistic reasons underpinning this about how he can only really bond with a boy (going to the aforesaid football etc).

And most importantly if he does have a boy the girls he's already had will grow up thinking they are subsidiary to the little prince.

Leave the twat.

Personally, if something was obviously that important to my partner I would give it serious consideration. His feelings matter too and I wouldn’t discount them entirely until I’d spoken at length and tried to understand why he feels this way.

It does have to be your decision of course but I would have to consider him in making that choice.

"All these people questioning why he wants a son, would they say the same if you wanted a girl?!?"

I desired to have both. I wanted a girl and a boy but would have been fine if I couldn't have both. But I ended up a boy and a girl.

I worked with a guy - italian-american - who used to tell a story that he and his wife had two daughters and he said to her "you know I"d like a son" and she said "Tony, go right ahead" he loved that response as much as I did.

I'm one of 4 girls, my sisters had all girls, my mums sisters had girls and my dad sister has girls. My dad was the last boy in both sides of family. I was convinced I would have girls....had 2 boys, then a girl. My oldest son had a girl then a boy...my side of the family have broken the girl chain it seems, weird how things are.

Itswritteninthestars

"Personally, if something was obviously that important to my partner I would give it serious consideration. His feelings matter too and I wouldn’t discount them entirely until I’d spoken at length and tried to understand why he feels this way."

Why do his feeling deserve consideration when a) he's giving no consideration to the health risks and burden on the OP b) he is "disappointed" to have had a daughter and c) he's apparently too thick to figure out that the OP has no control over the sex of any future baby.

Seriously, why do we continue to indulge this behaviour in men who lack the brains or consideration to be fathers in the first place?

In any case the OP is considering his feelings....

Here are a few. I had a quick look through them and couldn't see any insults. There are some posters saying to get over it and be grateful...but nothing like "You're a twat, an idiot, cnot, knob or any other derogatory words.*

I'll take a punt at the fact that they're talking to the actual person expressing gender disappointment and not at one remove?

FWIW: my witch of a MIL allowed her daughters to care for her, clean for her, basically wait on her hand and foot until shortly before she died when she told them she'd never wanted girls. Her boys (who to be fair hadn't stayed in their home-town) were the apple of her eye and I was expected to take over my DH's share of the support work because "it's woman's work" when i was there. HA! i didn't.

I'm always interested to know why people want a particular gender, especially if it's boys. Is it some outdated male primogeniture type of thing? is it about beer and football and pizza? shopping partner for their mum? Taking care of them in their old age?

I remember when “gender disappointment”became a thing on parenting sites. It always struck me as self indulgence, and so crass, but some people went along with it and encouraged the OP to wallow in it. Goodness knows what they thought they were achieving.

Glad he saw reason, OP.

Brefugee

"I'm always interested to know why people want a particular gender, especially if it's boys. Is it some outdated male primogeniture type of thing? is it about beer and football and pizza?"

When its a bloke wanting a son the football metaphor is invariably trotted out. So, to answer your question, yes basically it is outdated male primogeniture, with a healthy dose of misogyny. Even in the kindest interpretation its blokes who don't feel they could bond as well with a daughter.

And maybe people are more abusive to someone who is making these ridiculous demands at one level of remove than to an OP expressing it first hand.

I question any desire for a child of any particular sex, to be honest. A healthy baby is a healthy baby. But I struggle to feel that someone who requires their spouse to behave like a passive vessel for their misplaced sense of gender identify deserves our consideration for their "feelings" when they are guilt-tripping their spouse into carrying, delivering and caring for the baby of either gender which results. And I won't apologise for thinking men who do this should wind their necks in.

I feel quite strongly against the just keep having kids till you get the 'right' gender. So in my opinion he ibu. Because if you'd had a boy you wouldn't have 3 kids. So a girl Is therefore redundant.... I would also think he is likely to spend all his energy on the boy and ignore his daughters. But then I have a friend who has had 4 girls and just got their boy. How many would you be willing to have to give him that boy, he would keep asking. But its your body your decision. I stopped at just 1 girl :) we are happy with our tiny tornado.

@headlingfortrouble

No he has said he wants to try one last time and if it's a girl he'll accept it wasn't meant to be. He's been saying this for a long time and I just don't hear the end of it.

Did he also say he would love his 3rd daughter with every fibre of his being?

All these people questioning why he wants a son, would they say the same if you wanted a girl?!?
Yes I would. I find adults who wallow because they didn't get the 'right' variety of children to be largely self-absorbed.
I say the same on threads where women are apparently devastated over having a boy. It's one thing to have a fleeting 'a boy/girl would have been nice' and another to wallow and mope about how the child/children you actually have won't live up to some fantasy grounded in gender stereotypes.

My mum and dad had 4 boys in 5 years, they had me 7 years later. Then wasn't there a news article that a couple had welcomed a girls after 14 boys.

Have another child because you both want another child, not because DH wants a son. It's just pot luck.

@LolaSmiles

All these people questioning why he wants a son, would they say the same if you wanted a girl?!? Yes I would. I find adults who wallow because they didn't get the 'right' variety of children to be largely self-absorbed. I say the same on threads where women are apparently devastated over having a boy. It's one thing to have a fleeting 'a boy/girl would have been nice' and another to wallow and mope about how the child/children you actually have won't live up to some fantasy grounded in gender stereotypes.

Hear hear. So self-indulgent.

Some men (and women) really want boys, and some have a desperate need for girls. If you want another child and you're both willing to jump through the hoops to get one, then why not? On the other hand, absolutely explain to him that the sex of the baby is not the choice of the mother, so the ball, so to speak, is in his court. I think it's a bit sad - he's obviously imagined a relationship with an imaginary son that he feels he could shape to be a good man. I knew my husband would like a boy, just because his family is well into geneology, and luckily we had one, followed by a girl that has taken after him in almost every way, from food, hobbies, travel bugs and being great with money. Our son took after me. Even if he got a son he's still putting HIS dreams on to an individual who might not be interested in them in the least. It's a difficult one, but you'd prob have t go abroad. I don't think sex selection is allowed here.

Tell him it's father genes that play a major role to produce boy or girl.
It also in family history so if he had more sisters than brothers or any of his parents it is just that.Bloody lottery.
I am actually in opposite situation,3 DSs and last was DD.My STBEXH was desperate for a girl,I always wanted to be mother of sons .

*CannibalQueen

"Some men (and women) really want boys, and some have a desperate need for girls."

It's not a "desperate need". No-one desperately needs a baby at all, let alone a baby of a particular sex. Let's get this into perspective. This is pure self-indulgence.

LolaSmiles puts it really well. Its one thing to idly think it would be nice to have a boy or a girl. It's quite another to bully and nag your spouse to go through another pregnancy - at risk and considerable stress to them -- because you want to specify the sex of a baby.