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Gender disappointment(15 Posts)
Not sure where to post this...but feel like I can't talk to anyone in RL and just need to get it out. Really don't want to upset or anger anyone, so please can I not be judged. I'm an 'older' mum to be and have wanted a baby all my adult life. Thought it would never happen and now here I am.... With a man I adore and a baby on the way. We're having a girl...I always wanted a girl when I was younger, hated the idea of having a boy... Then I grew up and realised any child would be a blessing. Then I met and fell in love with DP. He already has 3 girls, by 3 women (not as bad as it sounds - all LTRs and no cheating involved). He is an amazing Dad and we see his girls all the time. I was absolutely convinced we were having a boy, all the old wives tales supported this and I don't think for one minute I even considered it might be a girl. We had picked a name, a school, it was all sorted. Now we know it's a girl and I said half joking, half serious, that we are just about young enough and all being well we could squeeze in 2 children, hoping for 1 of each! He has completely refused this, saying he doesn't want anymore. I'm so sad....sad because I desperately wanted to give him a boy and sad because I thought he would be happy if we had 2 - even if they were both girls - I wanted to be different from the other 3 mothers. Does that sound ridiculous!? I know that I will adore my daughter, that I will not for one minute wish she was a boy, I just can't stop the tears and I feel so bloody stupid!
Gender is determined by the sperm chromosome so there is no guarantee that another baby would be a boy.
Your baby will be unique.
Healthy and happy are much more important.
Congratulations on your new arrival
So are you more disappointed because you wanted to give him a boy, rather than you really wanted a boy? It sounds like he's happy with it being a girl?
I know it can feel devastating to get your hopes up one way then have it turn out the other. I really struggled at first, but I found going out and buying a couple cute outfits really helped me, and helped me start "bonding". Hopefully give yourself time and you'll get used to it, it's ok to be emotional, remember hormones can play up in pregnancy and things seem worse than they are. A couple weeks ago I wept inconsolably that we had no kidney beans...
First things first, it's completely ok to be disappointed.
When I was pg I was convinced I was having a girl, I had dreams of all the lovely things we would do together - playing dress up, braiding hair, swapping clothes, going shopping etc but also teaching her to be an independent and assertive young woman and pursue whatever goal she wants whether that be hairdresser or astronaut.
I had a boy. I was disappointed. But seeing him grow up into such a wonderful funny happy and gentle little soul I wouldn't change him for the world and I'm well and truly over it now.
Give it time, once you have bonded it really won't matter I promise for you. I can see why you wanted a boy and it is tough but it does get better x
I desperately wanted to give him a boy and sad because I thought he would be happy if we had 2 - even if they were both girls - I wanted to be different from the other 3 mothers.
1 - Be grateful that you are not with a man who feels the need to be 'given a boy'. These men tend to be twats.
2 - I know what you mean by saying you wanted to be different, but you are different to the other three women because he is in a relationship with you now, no-one else! You may be feeling territorial at the moment due to the intense hormones racing round your body. Just deal with immediate issues right now and try to avoid tying yourself up in knots over things that you couldn't arrange right now even if you wanted to!
My OH wanted a boy so badly when I was pg with our first and we have 2 girls now and he has no more thoughts on having a boy at all.
Honestly forget about trying to be different to the other women, this little girl will be different to the three other girls, she will have her own little ways and one day you might look back and wonder what you were even upset about.
You might not even want a second baby after having this one, you really don't know how you will feel after the birth.
Don't compare the DD you are going to have to her siblings. That's crazy talk and you know it.
It's also crazy to want to 'give' someone a son.
I think you need to give your head a wobble. (Sorry for naff Mumsnet expression ).
Give yourself a couple of days and I'm sure you won't give this anymore thought.
Thank you all for your replies and your support. I think I just needed someone to tell me it was ok to feel the way i was feeling and that it wouldn't last. I think I expected DP to be a little disappointed and because of that I didn't realise that it would be me....in my head I had already created this little person and it was kind of taken away from me. As it turns out DP wasn't disappointed at all, he's happy because he's an expert dealing with girls and has no idea about boys and happy because his 2 youngest girls both wanted another girl. He's absolutely rubbish with sympathy and empathy and he had no idea how to help me yesterday, even after I tried to explain my feeling to him, but he's always been like that and he is otherwise amazing. I feel so much better this morning
I've just found out I'm having a girl and I was convinced it was a boy!
I'm really happy; girls tend to be closer and more reliant on their families, you get to be mother of the bride and she will be her own amazing little self.
I can't wait!
This "giving him a boy" spunds bery Henry the VIII
He sounds happy to have another girl so I think you are worrying about something that is in your head and you will be absolutely fine
Congratulations and happy pregnancy
I'm glad you are feeling better this morning.
I was convinced I was having a boy and was so sad when I found out I was having a girl I'm ashamed to say.
14 years later and I am still as besotted with her as I was when she arrived.
One of her friends said to her that we had the 'gold standard' of mum/daughter relationships, which made me very lip trembly.
It will be great! happy pregnancy!
I have a DD already and when #2 was on the way I was convinced it was another girl; absolutely convinced. When I thought of the new baby I imagined life with 2 little girls, etc etc.
We found out at the 20 week scan that we were having a boy. I wasn't disappointed per se (and of course was so relieved he was healthy!!) but was apprehensive - could I love a boy as much as I love DD, would I know what to do with a boy when I was used to a girl, would she like him, so on and so forth.
He is 2 days old now and we are all (including DD) completely and utterly besotted with him. Literally the second he was born, all those worries and nerves disappeared. I can't imagine him any different and wouldn't change a single thing.
Worries, etc are totally ok (in fact you'd be pretty rare if you didn't worry about anything!) but you truly will be just fine. Congrats on your baby girl
You've forgotten something that you probably knew before pregnancy because it's actually happening to you - your body is changing, hormones all over the place, fears that you've never felt before, a level of responsibility about to hit you.
Give yourself a break if you have stressful thoughts and need to cry.
I was desperate for DC2 to be a girl as my then DH (now STBXH) only wanted girls. Finding out I was expecting a boy was horrible. Then I saw him and I knew he was as amazing as my DD.
I am currently pregnant with my second. I was so convinced this would be boy, already have a girl. Then found out its a girl. I was disappointed for a few weeks, then suddenly felt all happy with this. I think it was just hormones and the idea you should have one of each I guess.
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