To not give him a son

[headlingfortrouble]

Name changed for this.
I have 2 beautiful daughters with my husband and he would desperately like to have a son.

I know he really wanted a boy last time and was disappointed when we had another girl although to be honest although I didn't mind as long as we had a healthy child I was glad we had 2 girls close in age as they are great together.

Anyway dh keeps saying he wants a son and we should try one more time but I know he only wants a son and although he says he will love another girl regardless I have said NO based on him only wanting another child because it's one more shot at it being a boy.
He says I'm being unfair and denying him the chance of a son if I don't agree to trying one more time who is being unreasonable here?

@headlingfortrouble

He says he doesn't know why it means so much to him, just that he really wants a son.

He wants to put you through pregnancy and childbirth and all the discomfort and risks (look it up the risks are very real) because he doesn't really know why? But really he does and I bet it'll be all tied up in misogynistic reasons.

And if his sperm fails to produce a son, will he stick around or leave you with 3 DC? Or if he gets a son your daughters will be pushed aside as second rate attempts. Either way it doesn't bode well.

YANBU. Also, my mum's parents had four daughters, even picking out boys' names for my aunts and being spurned each time. But girls have suited them. They also now have seven grandsons

I suppose if I’d have been able to fill in an order form in pregnancy with DC1 & DC2 I would have chosen to have one DS & one DD. But that didn’t happen & I had DS1 & DS2. I admit to umming & ahhing as to whether I should try again for a DD but I quickly realised that was pretty daft. I already had two DCs who were fabulous & utterly different from each other anyway.

I only had a DC3 10 years later when we decided we really wanted a DC3 of either sex. As it happens, DC3 was a daughter. But by that point we would have been just as happy with another DS.

Incidentally, my DS’s are like chalk & cheese. And DD is the only one of my children who owns a football kit & plays sport .

Haha! I love some of these responses - turn this on it’s head and it’s a woman desperate for a girl and it’s all “oh yes gender disappointment is such a real thing and so devastating”. Makes my blood boil .

Anyway, derailing, it’s something you have to decide together but ultimately it’s your choice. He needs to understand the chances of a DS are not great.

He does know it's his swimmers that are making girls so far yes?

This type of stereotypical "need" for a boy/girl always makes me think the person is quite immature and limited in their thinking. I'm pretty sure he's imagining footie matches and pints down the pub but he may not get that with a boy! It also smacks a little of misogyny, as if he needs a boy to validate his own manliness or something.

YANBU.

I was no 3 out of 4, 3 brothers never that close to mum.
I have 2 sons, 1 with high functioning Aspergers, trouble getting help and good education, I wish I’d not had to do that

I mean you are the one that has to carry the baby then push its head out, possibly endangering your own life in the process. So I say what you say goes.

My OH is the youngest boy with a lot (!) of over sisters. The blatant favouritism makes me cringe and his sisters are openly resentful that their childhood was so incredibly different and apparently less important than his. Thankfully he is also acutely aware of it and embarrassed and as a result has made him into a wonderfully generous and conscientious person and I'm v lucky but it could easily have ended up with a spoilt adult.

*older not over!

Haha! I love some of these responses - turn this on it’s head and it’s a woman desperate for a girl and it’s all “oh yes gender disappointment is such a real thing and so devastating”. Makes my blood boil hmm.

To be fair, you do get comments like that on the (depressingly frequent) gender disappointment threads - there's always one about how it's a real recognised mental health issue like PND, but perhaps that's always the same poster?! - but the majority of posters always tell the OP to cop on and stop being so spoilt. A larger majority if the thread is in AIBU, like this one...

I used to work with a woman who was one of 7 sisters. They knew what their dad wanted.

The worst thing that can happen is that he actually gets a son. He'll never treat his children the same if he has such a strong preferance.

Friend of mine's DH wanted a 3rd attempt for a son after 2 girls. His 3rd attempt gave him twin girls.

@borntohula 😂😂😂

I'm pregnant with a third girl, I would have been happy either way but its much easier bedroom and hand me down wise that I'm having a girl. DH would have liked a boy - his dad died not so long ago and he didnt take it well at all, if this baby was a boy he would have liked to name him after his dad and I do get that. BUT we certainly weren't trying for a boy and if he suggested we try for a 4th in the hopes of having a boy I wouldn't be amused at all. If we decide to have another it will be because we want another child of any sex (or most likely because weve won the lottery)

I can see both sides and you have my sympathy, both of you.

Would you like another child who is a girl or boy?

He should have made sure the right type of sperm reached your egg, then.
In some cultures women have to produce babies until one with a y chromosome appears - at number 12 or so.

If you try, you try for a child, not a boy or a girl.
There's a 50% chance the next child will be a girl, so as long as he can handle the odds and won't expect you to keep going until you have a boy.

if it's a girl he'll accept it wasn't meant to be

That would put me off sex of any kind, never mind giving him another baby. Fucking hell.

If you don't want a third child then you don't have one. He needs to back off and stop pressuring you.

Do women really "give" their menfolk children these days ?

The pressure when finding out the sex and also knowing he wants a son, would he favour the son? No I wouldn’t do it

Can you stress the point that it's his sperm that decides the gender? Pushing you through another pregnancy, birth and child on another roll of the dice is unrealistic to put it simply. Some men just father girls. He's really willing to put you through it all again for something you personally have no biological choice about but have to endure?

Some counselling to come to terms with not having a son would Be far cheaper than the cost of a third child...

You should insist on some counselling first and if he comes up with it being too expensive or time consuming then a 3rd is definitely off the table.

What if a 3rd has ill health or disability is he going to give up job to be a SAHP?

I know of at least 5 women who had 2 boys to start with and had another to try and get a girl. Some of them did on the third try, and some.of.them have 3 or 4 boys, but the point is that it works both ways, but people don't seem to make such a big deal about a woman wanting a girl.

@headlingfortrouble

No he has said he wants to try one last time and if it's a girl he'll accept it wasn't meant to be. He's been saying this for a long time and I just don't hear the end of it.

he thinks if he whines on and on and on you'll give in eventually I'd tell him to get to fu(k with his one more try, what does he think you are a fu(king slot machine??