To think he's being dramatic?

[DramaInPyjama]

H is sulking because apparently I 'dont care about his kids'

I have had a horrible week of no sleep, not sure why but I can't sleep at the moment. I am so tired.

It got to about 4pm today and I said I had to go and lie down. I asked him not to wake me.

His DC were coming round at around 5:30. He came upstairs at 6, woke me up by turning the light on and started asking me to come downstairs, telling me the kids were here, come say hello, spend time with us and so on...

I was so mad, I was finally asleep and now I was being pestered to get up so when he said 'the kids are here now' I snapped and just replied 'And? I don't care!' and turned the light of to go back to sleep.

I am usually very involved but I just needed this rest and no, I didn't care that the kids had turned up, they are well old enough to be told I'm not feeling great so was asleep (and couldn't give less of a shit if I go and say hello).

Apparently now I don't care about the kids, am rude for not saying hello, don't want to see them etc...

Give it up Flutter, there's no prizes for martyrdom here.

Is this for real?! Is this what Mumsnet is? I assumed that’s why OP posted on a AIBU forum and enabled voting to get different opinions but instead we all have to agree with the majority like we’re school kids!

Not once have I said anything offensive to anyone yet people have said I’m a wind up, troll, dim, glue sniffer, should change my profession etc all because I have a slightly different opinion to the majority.

It’s really pathetic when grown adults need to act like school bullies to try and force a complete stranger to change their opinion! It is my opinion. I have taken on board other people’s opinions but I still sticking by my original opinion that I am more on DPs side mainly because my parenting/step parenting techniques are more similar to DP than OP. I don’t think OP is a bad person we are just different which I have tried to explain several times but used the wrong terminology which PPs can’t seem to get past.

As entertaining as Flutter's batshittery is, the question here is why was OP woken up by her husband? Can he not entertain and feed his own kids? Why is OP doing 50/50 of the childcare at other times?

Did he remarry to have a nannybot on hand?

Let’s try a different example. Let’s say that one parent is in bed, sleeping, because they are on nights, and the other is at home when the kids come home from school. In my opinion, the sleeping parent gets left to sleep, whilst the children are perfectly adequately welcomed home and cared for by the other parent.

We have actually had similar situations, when my dh has had to work at nights, testing new trains, whilst our kids were still school age - at least once whilst they were primary school age. They were perfectly capable of understanding “Dad is in bed, asleep, because he was working last night and he is knackered” - and they are entirely up damaged, both psychologically and emotionally, I can promise you.

Frankly, it is ridiculous to suggest that children cannot cope just fine with coming home, being greeted and looked after by their biological parent, and being told their step mum is so tired she has gone to bed.

”@ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble your telling me your a teacher and not been trained to welcome your students at the door in a welcoming manner regardless of how you’re feeling?”

The OP was not well and awake and deliberately ignoring her step children - she was in bed, asleep, because of extreme exhaustion. Equating a teacher not greeting their pupils in a welcoming fashion at the door with what the OP did, makes no sense. It is comparing apples and pears. If the teacher is well enough to be at work, they are well enough to interact with their pupils. It would only be the same thing if the teacher was sick at home, in bed, and still got up to welcome their pupils at the classroom door, before going back to their sickbed.

It would only be the same thing if the teacher was sick at home, in bed, and still got up to welcome their pupils at the classroom door, before going back to their sickbed.

I'm dedicated, but definitely not that dedicated.

I'm a TA anyways.

Different opinion = battshittery ok

Let’s try a different example. Let’s say that one parent is in bed, sleeping, because they are on nights

PPs have issues with using examples.

I agree if one is asleep then definitely let them sleep.

My issue is the timings.
If you knew you were planning to sleep from afternoon until the next day because your body needed it and your step kids were going to arrive soon. It would be a better idea to stay awake until they get there as DP wanted her to see them so disturbed her and then she said she doesn’t care that they’re there which DP obviously is going to be offended.

I can see why DP is offended because she knew what time they were coming. He probably assumed she was just going to have a nap and not stay in her room all afternoon and night. And then she said she doesn’t care - so I am on DPs side.

If when they got there she showed her face then said I’m going to bed now to sleep for 16hours so no one disturb me then they probably wouldn’t have. So she can’t be annoyed that DP is upset with her in that circumstance.

It would be a better idea to stay awake until they get there as DP wanted her to see them so disturbed her

So it’s not about making the step children feel welcome, it’s not about the step mother wanting to see the step children, it’s about the father wanting his partner to see his children? No matter whether the step children are bothered or not? No matter that his partner is in bed, asleep due to illness caused by exhaustion? What he wants goes?

I'd actually say that teaching the kids martyrdom on this rare occasion OP was unwell would have been far more harmful than them missing out on her saying hi in this context. Says the person who was always told to be polite, carry on, "you'll feel better when you get there" - and ended up nearly dying in hospital because I didn't prioritise my self care and I didn't get a lot of compassion from others.

@Flutter12 You're making the rather large assumption that OP was in complete control of when the nap would be. I doubt highly that she sat there and made a plan. I would guess she felt so horrific and could feel sleep coming on and so took the opportunity while she could.

I absolutely agree Ohthatoldchestnut - kids need to have healthy patterns modeled to them, not the matyrdom of getting sick people out of bed just to say hi.

@Flutter12 you speak a lot about good manners but the bottom line is if you genuinely think someone who is ill and exhausted should wake themselves up and make themselves uncomfortae purely to say to hello to you, then you are not the polite one in the situation.

@Fouroclockonamarblemorning

You were very rude. It’s pointless going to bed at that time. No wonder you’re not sleeping if you’re having a nana nap at 4pm.

You should apologise for being so snappy.

How do you know it's 'pointless'?

Are you a doctor?

Generally, if you're not feeling well it is a good thing to sleep. And if the OP thought she needed it, well, it's her body and she is the one feeling rough.

I have lots of 'nana naps'. And I sleep like a baby at night.

Anyone else think flutter has accidentally come to mumsnet where bullshit gets called out when she means to be on nethuns?

I take huge issue with the idea that the step parent should always be there despite illness to greet their STEP child.

My sons step mum is amazing. We love her. But you really think I’d give a shit if little one came home and said she was in bed poorly? I’d say hope you were quiet and let her sleep!
Shit, his dad will be working when he gets there this week and won’t come out to say hi til it’s nearly the kids bedtime. If he was sick, stepmum would care for son and he’d see his dad the next day. Because illness happens.

Op, how has it been with dh since? Have you spoken about it?

YAobviouslyNBU OP. Your DP was rude and should have let you sleep. I suffer from bouts of insomnia and it is awful - GP advice is if you haven't slept for a few days get it in when you can! I can't believe others are suggesting you should have waited till they arrived, clearly they have not suffered that awful feeling of struggling to even sit as its too much hard work!

I'm not a SP but my DP is, I would never wake him in this situation. I don't expect him to love my DD as much as me or be as excited to see her as I am! Also OP a bit of advice in these situations say its your DC - the advice you would have had would have been completely different.

Hope you get some rest soon, I'm not a fan of sleeping tablets (although I do have to take them a few times a year) try some herbal tablets they are quite good at helping you initially fall asleep sometimes (and then hopefully no-one comes to wake you!).

@DramaInPyjama, I’d be removing DH’s heart with a spoon if he woke me from desperately needed sleep.

There have been times when I’ve told my DH “you’ve got to deal with the children, I’m going for a sleep” and no one has batted an eyelid. These are kids I’ve given birth to. When you’re sleep deprived or poorly and a parent is on the scene, BOLLOCKS should you be woken up to greet them.

I hope you got your rest eventually.

Fluffer you nutter!

No matter whether the step children are bothered or not?

How do you know the step kids aren’t bothered?
Just because they don’t jump for joy when they see someone doesn’t mean they’re not bothered.

Anyone else think flutter has accidentally come to mumsnet where bullshit gets called out when she means to be on nethuns?

😆😆😆 why are people so offended that someone has a different opinion!
This is so weird!

@Flutter12

No matter whether the step children are bothered or not?

How do you know the step kids aren’t bothered?
Just because they don’t jump for joy when they see someone doesn’t mean they’re not bothered.

Because the op sees them pretty much every day? She knows them?

Because they’re there to be with their dad?

Why are you so intent on being unsympathetic to someone who wasn’t actually very well at all, wasn’t critical to the operation as their father was there to receive them?

How can you not ask yourself’Could he not have managed his kids for a bit/once?’

Could @DramaInPyjama not have had a couple of hours, or more, in peace?

Your opinion is yours alone, but it’s so far from being kind, or modelling manners to children or to partners or being sympathetic to someone who is generally very into things, but in this instance is absolutely dragging and just needs to sleep.

I dare say @DramaInPyjama’s relationship has been wobbled by this, it’s literally a wake up call and will take a while to recover from.

Why are you so intent on being unsympathetic to someone who wasn’t actually very well at all, wasn’t critical to the operation as their father was there to receive them?

I am sympathetic to someone’s who is feeling tired. I just don’t think it justifies being rude to the DP or step kids.

I doubt OP feels that her relationship has had a wake up call or will take a while to recover from but I bet DP does.

Personally I think YANBU but stepkids in MN are to be treated properly you know. So you should have got up and baked them fresh biscuits.

Haha!! This.

@Flutter12

Why are you so intent on being unsympathetic to someone who wasn’t actually very well at all, wasn’t critical to the operation as their father was there to receive them?

I am sympathetic to someone’s who is feeling tired. I just don’t think it justifies being rude to the DP or step kids.

I doubt OP feels that her relationship has had a wake up call or will take a while to recover from but I bet DP does.

This is ridiculous.

OP has had her needs ignored and disrespected, when she wasn't feeling well because of her OH's pointless want of her to perform.

The fact that you can't see that or prioritise needs over wants is worrying.

No one gets a medal for martyrdom.

@Flutter12

Anyone else think flutter has accidentally come to mumsnet where bullshit gets called out when she means to be on nethuns?

😆😆😆 why are people so offended that someone has a different opinion!
This is so weird!

It's interesting you've put this - as you seem so intent on your way showing affection. If your daughter doesn't get your attention for 10 minutes when she comes in she'll feel unloved. Yet other families/children might feel something else is more important. People, families have different cultures.

I suggest Flutter isn’t what she/he seems.

Since when is it Rude to be ILL!?

The thing is, Flutter, OP wasn't just 'tired'. Again, you seem to struggle with comprehension. You are minimising the OP's illness. What a husband wants his wife to do does not trump what an ill wife needs to do to preserve her health. You telling the OP when it would be acceptable to go to bed when so ill and to not even consider her own needs is very strange. I can only imagine the extent to which you micromanage and over-parent your children. It's probably very stifling.

I think its pretty over dramatic to make such a big fuss about being woken in the middle of the day