To think he's being dramatic?

[DramaInPyjama]

H is sulking because apparently I 'dont care about his kids'

I have had a horrible week of no sleep, not sure why but I can't sleep at the moment. I am so tired.

It got to about 4pm today and I said I had to go and lie down. I asked him not to wake me.

His DC were coming round at around 5:30. He came upstairs at 6, woke me up by turning the light on and started asking me to come downstairs, telling me the kids were here, come say hello, spend time with us and so on...

I was so mad, I was finally asleep and now I was being pestered to get up so when he said 'the kids are here now' I snapped and just replied 'And? I don't care!' and turned the light of to go back to sleep.

I am usually very involved but I just needed this rest and no, I didn't care that the kids had turned up, they are well old enough to be told I'm not feeling great so was asleep (and couldn't give less of a shit if I go and say hello).

Apparently now I don't care about the kids, am rude for not saying hello, don't want to see them etc...

Hahaha ! No OP . My parents would have given me money for a taxi and seen me in the morning.. then again they were founder members of the 'parenting by benign neglect ' club. Which I will be forever grateful for. It makes you independent & resourceful .

Oh good heavens. The OP is not a parent to these children. They were greeted by their parent. Why are you not understanding this?

OP said she wouldn’t greet them at 2am but I personally would.
A step parent is called a step parent because there’s still some type of parenting involved. Mine and the OPs parenting styles are different regardless of whether it is for step DCs or biological DCs.

@DramaInPyjama

Carrying on with this random 2am camping trip... Is it just me who's own parents wouldn't have both gotten up and waited eagerly at the door with the bunting and balloons to welcome me home because I'd been gone a couple of days?

I imagine something like my mum or my dad would pick me up from said camp, take me home, we'd go straight to bed and then I'd see my Dad/mum whichever had stayed home, in the morning and talk about it then.

Was I just unaware as to how awful my parents were?

I can't even remember who greeted me where and how. It was never 2 am though.

Now this is seriously bugging me.. was I... wasn't I?

Is it just me who's own parents wouldn't have both gotten up

My mum would definitely have but my dad couldn’t give a shit if we were there or not 😆

Carrying on with this random 2am camping trip... Is it just me who's own parents wouldn't have both gotten up and waited eagerly at the door with the bunting and balloons to welcome me home because I'd been gone a couple of days?

Nope. Not just you.

In fact this happened quite a bit when I was younger. My dad lived abroad, my step-mum never waited up to greet us, she'd just make us a fab breakfast the next morning. She also wouldn't see us off if we left during the early hours, because she had work and it was unnecessary for her to lose out on sleep after helping to care for us for anything from 2-6 weeks at a time. My stepdad also wouldn't be waiting with the bunting out for when we arrived home. He didn't even make us breakfast the next morning! I can honestly say I never felt unwelcome or unloved in either home.

I reckon it does kids good to learn empathy from a young age, for example by being told "stepmum's ill in bed today, so we can't wake her". I reckon that's a better life lesson than seeing adults demonstrate that under no circumstances should anyone prioritise their health and wellbeing.

@Flutter12

Oh good heavens. The OP is not a parent to these children. They were greeted by their parent. Why are you not understanding this?

OP said she wouldn’t greet them at 2am but I personally would.
A step parent is called a step parent because there’s still some type of parenting involved. Mine and the OPs parenting styles are different regardless of whether it is for step DCs or biological DCs.

More fool you. ! Are you an insomniac.. ? Don't work in the morning? Where is your SCs father whilst you are mounting this late night vigil ?

I think my Dsc would feel a bit creeped out if I did that .. they would definitely think I had lost the plot ..

For fuck's sake Flutter, you're off giving irrelevant examples again. You have no idea what the OP's parenting style is because SHE IS NOT THE CHILDREN'S PARENT. How on earth you think you can comment on her parenting style, much less compare it to your own, is utterly baffling. Can you please repeat three times, "OP is not the children's parent". Do it loudly so that it might actually sink in.
One more time - what is the OP not? The children's parent.
What do you know about her parenting style? Shit all.
What is comparing OP needing to go to bed because she was so fucking tired she was nearly broken to how you parent your children? Irrelevant.

Please go over and over this and forget the words 2am, welcome and camping trip ever existed.

I’m afraid I started the 2am thing - I wanted Flutter to imagine how tired and grumpy she would feel being woken at 2am so she might understand why OP was so annoyed and not cheerfully greeting the children with a tray of fresh-baked cookies. I was trying to encourage empathy...

Please go over and over this and forget the words 2am, welcome and camping trip ever existed.

Are you joking? How old are you? You are sounding very immature right now and not making sense.

A PP asked me if I would get up at 2am and I said I had to do that for my DD once after a camping trip and then I went back to bed.
It is other posters talking about getting up at 2am and what their parents do too.

@Ohtherewearethen 😂😂😂

Flutter its not just different parenting styles because op is not the parent fgs. Shes a step parent because shes in a relationship with the father. And while she probably does look after the children, cooks food etc, she is not a parent and has no obligation to act in that way.

I’m afraid I started the 2am thing

I understand why you used the 2am example as I was saying about OP going to bed at 4 in the afternoon. So it allowed me to see it from a different perspective.

@Ohtherewearethen 🤣🤣🤣

Or just forget every word, ever. Just stop, really!

Flutter its not just different parenting styles because op is not the parent fgs.

Yes I agree but OP said she wouldn’t get up at 2am and I said I would - for step DCs so we are different in that respect. I can’t see what else to call it apart from parenting styles/techniques.
What do you say if you were a foster carer? Carer techniques? I’m not sure really I’d probably still say parenting techniques.

What do you say if you were a foster carer? Carer techniques? I’m not sure really I’d probably still say parenting techniques

This wouldn't be another irrelevant example now, would it?
But sure, I'm the one who doesn't make sense.

Did anyone spontaneously combust yet?

This wouldn't be another irrelevant example now, would it?

Its not irrelevant. I say parenting techniques for parents, step parents and foster carers. I asked what the PP calls them as I am not sure what to say for step parents or foster carers. It was a question.

I think you need to calm down love.

Please stop feeding her madness people. She's clearly bored and on a wind up.

@chocolatesaltyballs22 why because I have a different opinion than you? I am not the only one that said the OP was BU.

I asked what you call a step parents techniques if not parenting techniques - I can’t see what’s wrong with that?!

Lodger techniques, girlfriend techniques, housemate techniques? Seeing as none of those, or step parents, are obliged to have the same role as the parent.

Ok so you would just say step parent techniques then? I will use that in future. Thanks. I genuinely didn’t know what to say.

@Trickyboy

DramainPyjama

You are obviously suffering some mental exhaustion bought on by insomnia because you have not absorbed the rules of MN as relates to step mothers. Let me enlighten your feeble brain..

1. You are a SM therefore what ever issue/situation/problem you have relating to (or involving ) SCs in ANYWAY - you are in the wrong. Remember this cardinal rule and you won't go wrong.

1. Behaving in a way that a biological mother would - going to bed and expecting dad to get in with it is not acceptable. Your a step mother - therefore anything less than full on involvement - whilst remembering never to offer an opinion nor assume any rights to things like respect .. is the minimum requirement.

1. Poor poor daddy must not be expected to parent on his own.. he will 'get stressed'

1. Your house is their HOME ... you MUST NOT expect to be consulted on things like arrivals, departures, meals etc ... except when ...

1. They are guests ... they are guests when treating your house like their home becomes 'inconvenient' for stunts like that , your 'd' h tried to pull today.

OP you are completely in the right. My step kids are also lovely but could equally not give a flying fuck if I took myself to bed early .. because they are normal fairly self absorbed teenagers who only really care if something impacts them. If they can get taxied around, charge their phones, find food in the house they like..then they couldn't give a flying fuck if was sitting in the same room as them or riding an unicorn up Everest.

Absolutely this!!

I'm an evil stepmum also and don't get up in the morning to see DSC off to school. Because their parent does it. I sure as heck do not get up at 2am for any reason, If needed, their parent does it.
Give it up Flutter, there's no prizes for martyrdom here. Just an exhausted OP whose DH dierespected her wishes.
They're not her kids, she'll see them in the morning if they get their heads out their phones long enough to acknowledge her.

My step parent technique involves finding a reason to urgently leave the room when the 13yo is droning on about Minecraft or some other such bollocks. I'm actually very good at it.

@Ohalrightthen

So, you told your DH that you don't care about his kids, and now you're pissed off that he thinks you don't care about his kids? That's some first class cognitive dissonance.

He shouldn't have woken you up, but you're going to fuck your sleep even further by going to bed in the afternoon. I'd have held out til 8pm and taken a sleeping pill.

Taking a sleeping pill can fuck up your sleep more than an afternoon nap. Not a solution I would recommend