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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely dreading a call that my step children's bubble has to isolate

192 replies

PuddinThePuffin · 13/11/2020 13:02

Because I know it'll be me, the only one WFH, who'll be expected to 'pitch in' and look after them so their parents can go to work.

I know it might make sense. I know it's better that their parents are still able to work but I am absolutely dreading it (if it happens). It's already happened to a lot of my friends children and I'm just expecting it any time.

I know for a fact that neither my husband or their mum will want to take two weeks off work and all eyes will be on me to offer considering I'm at home.

OP posts:
CallmeAngelina · 14/11/2020 08:57

Why would it be split three-ways? It is the responsibility of the children's own parents to sort their care, and the OP is not able to help out because she is at work.

jimmyjammy001 · 14/11/2020 09:00

Why on earth would you want to look after someone else's children when working from home, they are not yours, they're parents can sort out childcare for them, it's not your problem.

funinthesun19 · 14/11/2020 09:07

Split the time by the three of you.

How about the parents split the time between the two of them? Why should the op ease the load for the mum in particular, who she owes nothing to?

Isoisoisolation · 14/11/2020 09:09

Our class is now on 2 weeks isolation. But siblings can go to school. But I can't leave my child alone at home to take the others. They suggested I drive the 1 mile into the staff car park and Chuck the kids out the car so isolated pupil doesn't have contact.

I have refused on the basis that we would be spreading the virus easily as we are 4 children. One in isolation could potentially be asymptomatic.

  1. Isolated child shouldn't be leaving the house.
They have said they can all stay home so now I'm home schooling with flimsy sheets again online.

2 days later a sibling in a different year group to mine got a positive test. I can see this gradually getting worse because siblings are allowed in. According to public health England this is fine and acceptable. But I actually think this is silly a Nd siblings should isolate too just to minimise the risk.

It's shit, it's tough and I'm going slightly crackers with the school work. But... Surely this is more sensible?

KumquatSalad · 14/11/2020 09:17

Children who are isolating shouldn’t be moving between houses. That’s the parliament report FAQs.

Just so we are all clear.

To be absolutely dreading a call that my step children's bubble has to isolate
LouiseTrees · 14/11/2020 09:20

Depending on your job could you say a socially distanced client meeting will be arranged, you need to collect a paper file from your office and will be the only one going in etc. Start talking these instances up just now( they don’t know if they happen because they are at work). Then when the time comes to be asked say “ oh I don’t know my boss was trying to set up another one of those meetings” like make it sound like it’s floating, you don’t know when it might be and you won’t know til the last minute

MessAllOver · 14/11/2020 09:41

Reading what people have posted about isolating children not being able to transfer between households, only solution seems to be for mum to do the whole 14 days.

Let's just hope she can take that time off without serious financial difficulties or losing her job. These poor kids, it's shocking to think they might lose their home over this Sad.

SlippersForFlippers · 14/11/2020 09:54

Did you speak to your husband?

YerAWizardHarry · 14/11/2020 09:57

Why is no one talking about the fact the children should be ISOLATING not going back and forth between households??

YerAWizardHarry · 14/11/2020 09:58

And I obviously didn't RTFT Grin

aSofaNearYou · 14/11/2020 10:22

@MrsMigginsMate You absolutely can and should separate the two out.

MrsMigginsMate · 14/11/2020 12:02

@Coyoacan

MrsMigginsMate

Aren't you dramatic?

These children have two perfectly decent parents, if anyone needs to put their job on the line, but you think that the OP should show her love for her man by risking her own job.

I don't even know what to do with this comment, you seem to have reading comprehension issues
funinthesun19 · 14/11/2020 12:14

A reasonable middle ground would be to take a few days of the load off her partner on the days that the children are with him, but everyone is talking as if even that would be outrageous. As ever on Mumsnet, no middle ground!

But if she’s working how can she?

And even if she wasn’t working, she might want to be doing other things than babysitting.

MessAllOver · 14/11/2020 12:18

Sounds like the kids can't move houses. So the main question isn't whether the OP can help (which she can't), but the financial impact on the children's mum and whether she loses her job, which isn't the OP's problem.

She won't have to babysit.

Stantons · 14/11/2020 15:08

@aSofaNearYou agreed, thank you

@MessAllOver that was a leap to the dramatic!!!

MessAllOver · 14/11/2020 15:13

@Stantons.

I don't think it is...Kids have been off school for many months this year. A lot of employers have run out of good will for their employees with caring responsibilities.

Most people only have 1-2 months savings put aside if they lose their jobs. A lot of parents are up to their ears in debt from taking unpaid leave already.

But, like I said, that's not the OP's problem. It may be her DH's problem if it impacts the children, but it's not her problem. She should crack on.

FlippinNoah · 14/11/2020 15:42

If their class bubble has to isolate then they are isolating at home- they can't be going to other people's houses for random bits of childcare. Self isolation means they cannot leave the house for 14 days.

DressingGownofDoom · 14/11/2020 15:45

Tell them no, your employer wont be happy about it and they will have to take parental leave or something. Tough shit if they dont like it.

FortyFiedWine · 14/11/2020 16:09

@KumquatSalad

Children who are isolating shouldn’t be moving between houses. That’s the parliament report FAQs.

Just so we are all clear.

Just so we are all clear...many children have two homes. They can move between the two. It isn't always the case that a child has a home with one parent and "visits" the other parent.
KumquatSalad · 14/11/2020 16:31

@FortyFiedWine just so we are clear self-isolating children must stay in one home. There is no exception for separated families. It makes no difference if the have 2 homes. They must stay in one to self-isolate.

As outlined in the parliamentary FAQs.

Bvop · 14/11/2020 20:47

I got the email from school today that ds has to self isolate for 2 weeks. He’s great company and I love spending time with him but it’s a right nuisance with work. I sympathise, OP.

SoloMummy · 15/11/2020 08:34

As a lone parent who has continued wfh throughout, including juggling home learning, I am surprised that the op has such an issue given it sounds as though the sc are older and more independent than my own child and we managed throughout lockdown 1(I'm a shielder so no early return to school) and during isolation bubble bursts.

It's easily manageable if you want it to be. Especially if you're not doing the homeschooling as well.

I don't think that it should solely be the op's responsibility, but equally she's best placed for her household.

But the issue seems deeper rooted. She has an issue by the sounds of it with any of the give that's necessary uf you choose to marry a man with children. She still has the self centredness of not being a parent herself and hasn't moved from that. This really needs to change for the relationship to be a success. And tbh I hope that op isn't ttc as it doesn't sound like she's really in the right place for that given how she'd barely wish to risk her important day job for her own blood child. Whereas any parent of a child would fight not to lose their job, but always put their children first...

Stantons · 15/11/2020 09:01

@solomummy I think your post is a classic example of walk a mile in my shoes before judging. You and op are coming at this from completely opposite experiences.

Whereas any parent of a child would fight not to lose their job, but always put their children first...

^ maybe the actual parents should then

Beamur · 15/11/2020 09:21

The children have 2 parents. Neither of which is the OP.
She hasn't said how difficult it will be to WFH whilst looking after the kids. But I think the deeper problem is that both her partner and the children's Mum are likely to just assume she will be able to take the kids. That's not fair even if it seems to them an easy solution.

SoloMummy · 15/11/2020 10:45

@Beamur

The children have 2 parents. Neither of which is the OP. She hasn't said how difficult it will be to WFH whilst looking after the kids. But I think the deeper problem is that both her partner and the children's Mum are likely to just assume she will be able to take the kids. That's not fair even if it seems to them an easy solution.
Then, the op needs to be prepared that if she doesn't view herself as a parent too, so doesn't wish to be involved as a parent when the children are members of the household, then the op needs to accept she may fracture her relationship and effectively be in a position where quite rightly, when she is in a moment of need, that she will have to paddle her own boat. So, if there was an "emergency" is the op willing to accept this, as this would not be unreasonable of the op's partner.

Though tbh, right now, this doesn't feel at all like a partnership. Now obviously, the pandemic may have led to an increased need for her involvement, but that's entirely to be expected and also what she signed up to, but now reneging on.