To be absolutely dreading a call that my step children's bubble has to isolate

[PuddinThePuffin]

Because I know it'll be me, the only one WFH, who'll be expected to 'pitch in' and look after them so their parents can go to work.

I know it might make sense. I know it's better that their parents are still able to work but I am absolutely dreading it (if it happens). It's already happened to a lot of my friends children and I'm just expecting it any time.

I know for a fact that neither my husband or their mum will want to take two weeks off work and all eyes will be on me to offer considering I'm at home.

Would you be able to relocate anywhere quieter if they were at home? Coffee shop or parent's house? If so, that may be a way to broach the subject - makes it clear work is your responsibility, not the kids!

I wouldn’t do it.

Oh dear @PuddinThePuffin it sounds like you have got used to/expect to be put upon..... why doesn't the real dad or mum step up for their own children?

Could you say your boss has mentioned this situation as people have tried doing childcare and work and they're not happy with it, especially as they're not actually yours.
Might be a way into the conversation

So I am WFH and that still means I am working, i.e. I cannot do significant childcare at the same time. A lot for me depends on the ages of their kids and the supervision they would need. Young kids requiring constant supervision, and where you cannot work or do meetings is not going to work. I might be happier if I was being asked for a limited period of time to look after a well behaved teenager capable of working on their own and entertaining themselves.

Before lockdown it annoyed me that on days I did work from home so of my relatives (my FIL particularly), would ask have you had a nice day off? GRRR.

Can't you take 3 days off each? Better, 2.5 days if there is a stepfather.

Being expected to do the whole fortnight is bonkers. Suspect you are put upon.

OP,

It sounds like you are another one of those step mother's that are put upon and expected to do childcare for children that aren't yours.

Does your husband impose on you to mind them when they are supposed to be soending time with him?

If he does it sounds like you married someone who lined you up as childcare for his children.

It's amazing how quickly these avoidant father's marry a mug for childcare.

Those children have two parents that need to work it out.

How come their job's are more important than yours?

Is their mother's partner stepping up or is that only 'wimmins work'.

You will continue to be imposed upon if you don't have self respect for yourself and your career.

Did you post before about this? There was a similar thread where a woman was completely put upon by both her husband and her husband's ex, where she had to look after step children while the other two worked from out of the house.

I would say, "What are your plans for if the children have to isolate?" If they say, "You've got to have them" then stop them right there in their tracks.

But you're not free to look after them, you are wfh. If my DC had to isolate then I'd expect my DH to take equal time off to take care of them. In this situation you could offer to do a portion of the time, but the children's parents should do the bulk surely?

“No.” is a complete sentence. I wouldn’t even mention this to your DH. Don’t think about it. If you end up with the situation with everyone expecting you to look after their children because of isolation then tell them you are working and not in a position to care for their offspring.

If pressure is put on you repeat that you are working so cannot provide childcare and these children are not your responsibility.

Agree with making enquiries now as to what will happen with them. But I also think that if the DC are with mum when they get the call then they have to stay there. I believe those are the rules around self isolation.

The difference is children can travel during lockdown for contact with each parent. But that wouldn't apply if they got told to self isolate.

Finally - whereabouts in the home do you work? Could you make it clear that it is a no go zone ? may help your 'd'H distinguish the difference between you working and not working. And help you when you clearly state that you can't have the children because your full time job won't allow it. I think if they expect this of you then they're being extremely cheeky indeed.

I think you need to get angry op. Angry at the fact that both of them have such little respect for you and your job. You are working!!
And besides that you are not a nanny.
You have years of this piss taking to come, you need to put your foot down now.
And there is only drama around it because they see you as someone who dare not say no. You need to get angry about how little they respect you.
I'm pretty sure if you had to have an issue with the children, you will be promptly told thats not your place. But you are expected to be a nanny ? Nope, put your foot down.

I would not be happy with this at all. If their attitude was more appreciative I would consider it, but they take you for granted and guilt trip you. Not on.

You could say, "Who do you know that isn't working to look after them?" or "What has your work offered you to get through this?" or "How many days holiday are you both taking off?"
Bat every hint right back at them with the crystal clear expectation that they are providing care for their dc. A well placed, "You realise of course that I am working those weeks."
It is tough. You have my sympathies OP.

I actually wouldn't get involved in enquiring what their plans are - it shows that you are feeling guilty and they will know how to manipulate you.
When the time comes come straight out with a 'don't you know that I am working , please respect that'.
And leave it at that.

No problem.
Calculate your hourly rate, add a 20% surcharge for squabblesome and annoying children and see how that goes down.

Not your kids not your problem. Just say no. Your priority is work. The parents will have to do what thousands of other parents have had to do without a convenient stepmum on standby to help them out.

Week at mum’s , week at yours, with husband looking after them-which means getting them out of your hair while you work. Can you prepare the ground by suggesting some lovely long lasting outdoor activities that they can undertake if the worst comes to the worst..?!

Why do you dread this?

because you expect both our loving partner and his ex to have so little consideration for you and your work? For having so little respect for you? For seeing you as a pushover?

Are you equals with your DP, or are you very much the nanny/housekeeper with regards to his children?

If so, why do you choose this life?

This not a kids issue. it's a DP issue

When my step kids were kids, I use to invent scenarios in my head of what may happen, then wind myself up about it. Work out what you are willing to do. For me I would have been happy to support a quarter of the working week / half my DHs time. Once decided, have the conversation. 'So and So' s kids are now having to isolate for 2 weeks. What are yours an ex's plans?' If they have assumed anything, address it very strongly.

If your DH is out all day at work I would start telling him that your now working in one of those work hubs 😂 as you find it to distracting working from home so a proper office is much easier
And if he gives it the don’t worry “ We will sort it out make sure “We” isn’t you 😂

Oh and think twice about having children with this selfish twat.

He won't parent his own children so he married you, do you really imagine he'll step up and parent another child with you?

Neither of them want to stay home so they'll both gang up on and impose on the dim second wife to carry the load.

This is a theme OP.

You are being made a right mug of, by both of them.

If I was your employer I would be seriously unimpressed with you.

Minding children that are NOT yours so the parents can go to work because neither of them want to mind their own children.

🙄

Only on MN.

You are working.

Doesn't matter where from.

How close you are to them, they're not your kids. Their parents need to step up.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

I actually think (as a WFH type long before Covid!) that in a partnership, yes - you should help out if the options are limited.

So parents should take annual leave, parental leave... but if my boyfriend was going to have real trouble taking time off (for good reasons!) then I’d step in.

But... I’d point out that I was WORKING. I would expect boyfriend to prepare packed lunch and snacks for the full day for the kids. Also to write them a big list of what to do (including ideas list for when they’re bored). Proper timetable for snacks and packed lunch - which are in their bedroom, not your workroom. I would tell everyone that dad was first contact point - by phone - if that was possible. I’d put one of those “funny” flow charts up - you know, if you want a snack, you can’t disturb me, if you’ve broken your leg, you can. And I’d tell the kids that you were at work, and therefore not available to referee squabbles. If you hear screaming (of the bickering rather than broken leg type!) -ignore. Not your problem if they play Minecraft for 9 hours 🤷🏻‍♀️

You need to say no. You are working. If they suggest ut suggest the parents take them to their offices as thats basically what you think they will expect you to do.