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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be absolutely dreading a call that my step children's bubble has to isolate

192 replies

PuddinThePuffin · 13/11/2020 13:02

Because I know it'll be me, the only one WFH, who'll be expected to 'pitch in' and look after them so their parents can go to work.

I know it might make sense. I know it's better that their parents are still able to work but I am absolutely dreading it (if it happens). It's already happened to a lot of my friends children and I'm just expecting it any time.

I know for a fact that neither my husband or their mum will want to take two weeks off work and all eyes will be on me to offer considering I'm at home.

OP posts:
LilyLongJohn · 13/11/2020 20:09

honestly don't understand your reasoning. Yes you may never see the children again if he left but it isn't about the children. Its about sharing each others problems in life and helping each other where you can

But the OP isn't helping is she, she's actually doing it all whilst both parents carry on at work and don't put any effort in to help whatsoever.

If this was a case of the op refusing to help or do the odd day or two when the parents were stuck I'd agree with this sentiment. But it's the parents who are refusing to to help the OP and it's their children.

Crunchymum · 13/11/2020 20:19

Have you posted about this before? Several times?

MrsMigginsMate · 13/11/2020 20:25

Lily that's fair enough I agree with that, but it looks like OP hasn't actually been asked to do everything herself she was just worried she might be, from re reading her posts no request has been made yet most of the thread has blown up about how she shouldn't have to do anything at all for the children or her partner as they are his. A reasonable middle ground would be to take a few days of the load off her partner on the days that the children are with him, but everyone is talking as if even that would be outrageous. As ever on Mumsnet, no middle ground!

Stantons · 13/11/2020 20:57

@mrsmigginsmate the two are not comparable and yes you can separate the two out

Beamur · 13/11/2020 20:57

I've been a step parent for nearly 20 years.
My SC's have two parents. They also have 2 step parents. The kids are their parents primary responsibility. Sure, I will help out in an emergency.
But if I was working, their parents were working and someone needed to take time off to look after them, I would expect the parents to step up first and second.

billy1966 · 13/11/2020 20:58

Sharing my arse, its about another women being taken for a mug by not just jusband but by his ex.

They are not her bloody children.
End of.

I would be furious if my daughter was being used like a god damn au pair for her husband's children, while he and his ex wife happily worked away.

Absolutely not.
She is not the childcare, despite most likely being married for it🙄.

OP, you mind your career and do not allow yourself to be used, abused, and utterly made a mug of by two people who value their careers above their children and you.

Wake up.

We teach people how to treat us.

Wake up.

MUG tattooed over your forehead is NOT a good look ever.

You sound like a really lovely person.
Value yourself and your career.

Flowers
Devlesko · 13/11/2020 20:58

Those children are an incredibly important part of OPs partner's world, he has presumably devoted himself fully to their upbringing and care.

Apart from expecting OP to look after them. Grin

MrsMigginsMate · 13/11/2020 21:03

Devlesko, we are discussing OP helping for some of the days, please read properly

DianaT1969 · 13/11/2020 21:04

If you end up looking after them, split them up and be strict about it. Follow through with consequences. One in their bedroom in the morning, reading, playing etc while one is in the lounge. Quick lunch together,then swap rooms. Their parents can supply the entertainment and stimulation in the evening. You are only there to keep them safe.

Isthatitnow · 13/11/2020 21:24

Sharing my arse, its about another women being taken for a mug by not just jusband but by his ex

Sod all to do with the ex. If she asks her ex to do his fair share of emergency childcare and he agrees, as far as she is concerned, they are in the care of their father. This is how separated parenting works. Thread after thread telling posters there is nothing they can do if their ex wants to introduce their children to a new partner. We’re not allowed any control of that yet we are somehow in control when it comes to emergency childcare situations? Nah. Don’t buy it.

TheKeatingFive · 13/11/2020 21:31

You’re working from home to reduce spread of CV, not to pick up emergency childcare. I expect your employer would be mightily unimpressed.

Tell him no. His children, his responsibility.

MrsMigginsMate · 13/11/2020 21:36

[quote Stantons]@mrsmigginsmate the two are not comparable and yes you can separate the two out[/quote]
I respectfully disagree

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/11/2020 21:39

Tbh I wouldn’t want my child staying with someone who is absolutely “dreading” being with them

I dread my school calling about my own dc. I have a ft job to do. I can do it from home but doing it whilst also attempting to educate my 5yo is a fucking nightmare. And I've done 4 weeks of it so far since September. So yes, I dread it.

My poor son Hmm

CallmeAngelina · 13/11/2020 21:46

The fact that the OP happens to wfh is beside the point. She is WORKING, and her attention needs to be fully on that, not on two children who, by all accounts, squabble and bicker.

Any chance you could arrange to go into the office, "in an emergency?"

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 13/11/2020 22:03

Question is, do you feel you can tell him you won't do it, or do you not have that kind of relationship?

sandragreen · 13/11/2020 22:18

I just wouldn't agree to this as you are working from home.

CallmeAngelina · 13/11/2020 22:22

You are able to look after them whilst working as much as they would be, if they took them in with them. How about suggesting that?
Not possible to work with kids in tow? Ah right.

Coyoacan · 14/11/2020 03:13

MrsMigginsMate

Aren't you dramatic?

These children have two perfectly decent parents, if anyone needs to put their job on the line, but you think that the OP should show her love for her man by risking her own job.

MessAllOver · 14/11/2020 06:13

It's likely only to be one of the children, though, not both, unless they have a positive test (in which case, the whole family has to self-isolate). Otherwise, it's only the "bubble" child who has to isolate. So if one is isolating, the other one can still move between households and go to school and childcare. Illogical, but isn't that the rules?

If I were mum and I had no annual leave and couldn't take unpaid leave so the likelihood was I'd lose my job, I'd probably organise for a friend or family member in my bubble (though not grandparents) to come and sit in my house. The self-isolating child should stay in their room and avoid contact with that person as far as possible (which this child sounds old enough to do if given unlimited computer games, snacks and meals).

It says this online about the guidance:

According to the government’s Track and Trace guidance, other members of the household do not need to self-isolate if a child has been sent home from school. It states: “If you live with other people, they do not need to self-isolate, but they should avoid contact with you as far as possible and follow advice on hygiene.”

Though, as many have pointed out, in the case of young children, it will likely be difficult for family members to avoid contact.

This rule also means, in practice, that siblings or children from the same household who go to the same school might still need to go to school, despite someone in their household having been sent home to self-isolate.

flaviaritt · 14/11/2020 06:56

Tbh I wouldn’t want my child staying with someone who is absolutely “dreading” being with them

Excellent! Should quickly resolve the situation. All the OP has to do is call the ex wife and say how much she’s dreading it. Grin

flaviaritt · 14/11/2020 06:57

And no, OP, I would not offer to have them while working. It’s not an acceptable expectation in a family with two parents, when you are not one of them.

Ratatcat · 14/11/2020 07:09

I missed if you said how old the children are but having had a period of isolation, it is much harder work than just being at home with the kids. You can’t take them out so mine have been climbing the walls and home learning has required a lot of input. Unless you’re talking older children/teens- it isn’t a case of just let them get on with it while you work. We’ve found it hard enough sharing work/childcare time with the home schooling.

jelly79 · 14/11/2020 07:41

Oh my god I am a single parent and I WFH. I have told work if my DS3 needs to isolate then I will have to take the time off in the day Na work evenings.
Absolutely not a chance would I expect nor want someone else to look after him.

I am too dreading that call ;)

Jroseforever · 14/11/2020 07:47

@Ratatcat

I missed if you said how old the children are but having had a period of isolation, it is much harder work than just being at home with the kids. You can’t take them out so mine have been climbing the walls and home learning has required a lot of input. Unless you’re talking older children/teens- it isn’t a case of just let them get on with it while you work. We’ve found it hard enough sharing work/childcare time with the home schooling.
Op avoided question as to how old
cheeseychovolate · 14/11/2020 07:57

Split the time by the three of you.