To be absolutely dreading a call that my step children's bubble has to isolate

[PuddinThePuffin]

Because I know it'll be me, the only one WFH, who'll be expected to 'pitch in' and look after them so their parents can go to work.

I know it might make sense. I know it's better that their parents are still able to work but I am absolutely dreading it (if it happens). It's already happened to a lot of my friends children and I'm just expecting it any time.

I know for a fact that neither my husband or their mum will want to take two weeks off work and all eyes will be on me to offer considering I'm at home.

Tbh I wouldn’t want my child staying with someone who is absolutely “dreading” being with them. So you never know, you might get lucky and an alternative is found.

OFGS. I can also well do without the call to say DC's bubble has burst, because I too am WFH and I'm his bloody mother! I adore him with my life, and am by no means 'dreading' spending time in his company which I find delightful. I also have certain professional obligations to uphold, and in the best of circumstances trying to do this with home-schooling and (not unreasonable) demands for attention from DC on top, this is an incredibly stressful situation.

OP, I hear you. Helping out your stepchildren's parent's shouldn't necessarily assume you take 100% of the responsibility, and any expectation to the contrary is wholly unreasonable.

They ned to do a week each. You could offer to do 2 of your husband's days, but no way should you be expected to juggle their kids and working from home.

I think you should comment persistently and often in the presence of your DH about how wrong people are who assume that working from home means you have all the time in the world.

Can either of the DPs work from home ? Sorry if thus has already been covered.

Well your employer may not allow you to wfh and care for children at the same time , many don't

Perhaps you have just received an email about this

This is a DP problem - first and foremost and he needs to sort his share of the issue - IF it arises out.

It is not the default position that the RP of whatever persuasion takes the hit - or may be the NRP could pay the RP for their time.

If neither of the parents will want to bother to take the time off, I'm not sure that they can expect someone else to step up!

That'd be a no from me and I wouldn't enter into discussions about it. (WFH and even Amazon delivery man has finally grasped that there's no point knocking because I don't run a concierge service for the rest of the street.)

I do say no sometimes. But I'm made to feel unreasonable if I do.

They may try to make you feel unreasonable but you don't have to feel that.

If they suggest it, ask if they can have the kids with them at work.
If not, why are you expected to have them at your work?

Good idea to raise the subject beforehand so no-one is in a sudden unexpected situation with this.

I'd beat them to the punch tbh. Have a conversation with your dh this weekend and ask him what he's putting in place with his ex should the situation arise, tell him you're also working full time so can only help out for X days (I'd offer up a token gesture).

I've worked from home for years and it drives me mental that family and friends feel they can either drop by and interrupt my day or rely on me to help out. They wouldn't ever expect to drop into someone's place of work for a cuppa or with children, so why do it to me. I'm still expected to out in at least 8hrs a day

I would have the conversation about this before it happens.
It's not your responsibility to look after these kids and you are working, so not available for childcare.
If you have the chat calmly and timely the parents of these kids can make a plan.
My SC's are older now and neither parent ever expected me to step in and cover holidays or sickness, etc. A few times I did, but there was no expectation or guilt trip.

@PuddinThePuffin

On a slight tangent, if they needed to self isolate would we even be able to do 1 week at mums, 1 week at dads? I thought isolation had to be in one household, even for children of separated parents? I could be completely wrong there so happily be corrected.

You’d think this would be the case. But it’s not what’s currently happening in my house. 😩

DSD is self-isolating because of covid at school. Her parents seem to think it’s just an extra school holiday.

DH has decided that he misses the DSC too much so he must have them here tonight. He doesn’t miss them so much that he isn’t still working while they run around the house and he ignores them though.

Thing is, we have a 3 month old baby. Apparently he is less important that an utterly pointless contact visit (seriously they will see him for a maximum of 2 hours before bed and he’s dropping them back in the morning).

The baby and I are hiding away in the bedroom. And we’re not coming out til the DSC are gone.

The biggest problem is that my selfish and irresponsible DH doesn’t accept that, if he chooses to hug his children, he’s also chosen to self-isolate. He can’t touch the baby or hang out with us. He should sleep in the spare room, and basically stay there for 2 weeks. But he won’t do any of that.

Tbh, if there were anywhere I could go, I’d be taking the baby and going there. But I’m stuck here and apparently I’m unreasonable in thinking that self-isolation means you isolate.

Their kids they both take a week off /work from home

You can share/help dad if you want

@YetAnotherSpartacus

Holy Fuck. You are WORKING from home. So you can't do it. End of.

Exactly. Just make it clear now. Did you post about this during the first lockdown?

Note: in our case, the DSC’s mum doesn’t work. So no one is having to juggle WFH or take time off if the DSC stay at her house.

What age are they? You might be able to wfh with a 9 or 10 year old (to some extent) but not with a 4 or 5 year old.

Ultimately, if this occurs, you all want to emerge with the minimum of stress and career damage. So could you split it?
10 days - mum does 4/ your DH does 3/ you do 3.

You're not obliged to, but it would mean you could offer something as a nice compromise.

But I'm made to feel unreasonable if I do

Not necessarily. They don't make you feel that way. They're putting pressure on you to try to make you feel unreasonable, but it's up to you whether they succeed.

Remember the cliche - nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission. Harder to do than say I know, but it is actually true.

@ViciousJackdaw

Well your employer may not allow you to wfh and care for children at the same time , many don't

Perhaps you have just received an email about this

Actually you probably got the email at the start of the first lockdown, but sadly you've already deleted it.

It is not the default position that the RP of whatever persuasion takes the hit

It is though, even if it shouldn't be. My ex 'has to work' when it comes to all things children. He did once look after one of our children when sick for a couple of days because he was off work. It's a long story but he became very ill during that time and when he came home to me, he was admitted to hospital at death's door - stayed there for 10 days, 4 in HDU, to give an idea of how serious it was. He hadn't even taken him to a walk-in or called the GP for an appointment.

That I also have to work to support our children (because there is no money forthcoming from the ex) goes ignored. For a while I was a pretty unreliable employee. Somehow I have muddled through and now in their teens, things are easier.

But the fact of the matter is, isolation should not be the sole responsibility of the resident parent. Nor should it be the OP's responsibility as a step parent. Problem is, as my ex clearly demonstrates, few men (because it is men) want to face up to the reality of what it means to be a parent.

The answer is no and if they question ask them how you are expected to work if they are there? Why should have to, in effect, take two weeks off to look after children who are not yours

Speak to them now and ask what p,and they have put in place to cover this eventuality.

I think Iwould tell your DP what you have said here TBH.I dont think being a Step Parent warrents 2 weeks F/T care while their DP are at work FFS. You are working from home and cannot be expected to police SDC every 5 minutes!

This is the legal situation. Kids aren’t supposed to leave the house they are in. The caveats about seeing parents don’t apply to self-isolation.

parissmith.co.uk/blog/guidance-for-child-arrangements-during-self-isolation/

The reason why, in your shoes, I might help for 3 days is that in self-isolation, they have no other childcare options available to them. It's not like either mum or dad can simply shell out for a babysitter or get family to help. Their options are annual or unpaid leave if they can't wfh themselves and employers have started to get very shitty about this. Especially for women. So if your DH wants his ex to continue to have a job so she can provide for the children, it might be in his interests to help her and in your interests to help him. But if they can just take leave and they can both afford to lose the pay, they need to suck it up as parents and do a week each.

I’m dreading the text as well, each time I get a text I have a little panic. Plus it might not just be one 14 day isolation, there could be multiple ones. A teacher friend has entered his second 14 day isolation in a four week period.

I have no annual leave or parental leave left until April 2021, my employer has made it clear that we cannot buy additional leave. My partner does have four days of annual leave left, which if approved would cover us for a week. Luckily a friend who lives alone is in our bubble so he could provide childcare.

I work from home at the minute. My job is intense - back to back meetings and urgent deadlines. I can’t even step away for lunch - I eat at the keyboard.

There is no way I could look after children while doing this.

You shouldn’t be expected to do this. Maybe a day or two of they are absolutely stuck - but surely their workplaces have arrangements in place for parents and these exact circumstances?