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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely dreading a call that my step children's bubble has to isolate

192 replies

PuddinThePuffin · 13/11/2020 13:02

Because I know it'll be me, the only one WFH, who'll be expected to 'pitch in' and look after them so their parents can go to work.

I know it might make sense. I know it's better that their parents are still able to work but I am absolutely dreading it (if it happens). It's already happened to a lot of my friends children and I'm just expecting it any time.

I know for a fact that neither my husband or their mum will want to take two weeks off work and all eyes will be on me to offer considering I'm at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
PuddinThePuffin · 13/11/2020 13:29

FWIW I dread getting the message re isolation as well, every time I get a text my stomach drops

How awful of you to dread spending time with your children according to PP! 🤣

It's not so much the fact that I can't or won't say no. More that I know the awkwardness and pressure that is coming my way if it happens iyswim.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 13/11/2020 13:29

You just need to say no. Realistically, I had to have both of my dc with me through the first lockdown and summer holidays while trying to keep my full time job working from home (dh is self employed and cannot work from home). But even dh did take time off too as much as he was able, while trying to keep the business going through lockdown.

But there is no way my employer would be happy with me working from home and watching someone else's kids. Your step children have 2 parents involved in their lives and they can collectively figure out a way to balance working from home/annual leave/unpaid leave just like the rest of us have had to do who don't have free childcare on tap.

dontdisturbmenow · 13/11/2020 13:30

But there's no indication Mom is single, she may also have a partner contributing financially
Which is why I said 1 week with mum -or partner- and one week with dad -or partner.

As you are working OP it's not for you to look after them. WFH is still working. Say no if it happens.

forrestgreen · 13/11/2020 13:31

I'd address it now with you dh/dp.
Ask what's the plan is that happens as you're really busy at the moment and won't be able to help.

Littleposh · 13/11/2020 13:32

You're working too, the location doesn't matter. At the very most you should be offering to cover a third of the childcare

Branleuse · 13/11/2020 13:32

I think its reasonable that if they are isolating, you treat it as if they are quarantining and say you cant do it. Espeically if you are actually working yourself. I dont think its fair if both of the childrens parents offload this on to you.

Maybe you could have this discussion in advance with your partner. Ask what him and his exes plans are for the children if they are in contact with a case or if they get covid, and tell him that youre getting anxious that this will be offloaded onto you and you definitely do not want that to be plan A

Jaxhog · 13/11/2020 13:33

If you also have a full-time job, why would you be the one to take time off to look after them? Don't they have 2 parents?

DimidDavilby · 13/11/2020 13:33

Why don't you have the conversation now then, get everyone's expectations dealt with?

Washimal · 13/11/2020 13:33

My DH works from home (as do many of his colleagues) and they have been told that it is not acceptable to claim you are WFH if you are the only adult in charge of children at the time. His bosses say that if the kids are off unwell or SI you have to make other arrangements, use annual leave or take unpaid leave because WFH is meant to working a full day not doing a bit of work in between looking after DC. I imagine more and more companies will be taking this stance.

Original poster
PuddinThePuffin · 13/11/2020 13:33

On a slight tangent, if they needed to self isolate would we even be able to do 1 week at mums, 1 week at dads? I thought isolation had to be in one household, even for children of separated parents? I could be completely wrong there so happily be corrected.

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 13/11/2020 13:34

@AmandaHoldensLips

I have WFH for the last 15 years. I lost count of the people who assume I'm not actually doing anything and would turn up on the doorstep or expect favours "because you're at home".

Just say no. It's get easier the more you say it.

Same here

This is my main bugbear about working from home. I think a lot of people don't take it as seriously

Sceptre86 · 13/11/2020 13:34

You need to put your foot down. So what if it causes drama, they are not your kids. If they do have to isolate then they have two parents who can split the time between them. One parent is off for one week with them or makes suitable arrangements and then your oh. Your oh may ask you to do his share but you stand up for yourself and say no.

My dh wfh and has our children twice a week whilst I am at work. They go to preschool and he collects them during his break and feeds them lunch during his lunch hour. They are 3 and 4 year old and largely amuse themselves, watch TV etc. Kids squabble at any age, that is not unusual!

Original poster
PuddinThePuffin · 13/11/2020 13:35

I think as you've suggested I'll 'innocently' enquire as to whether they have discussed a plan for this scenario and see what he says.

OP posts:
ThePlantsitter · 13/11/2020 13:36

Yeah you need to mention it now before it happens. 'Wow a lot of kids are having to stay away from school aren't they? Have you got a plan if that happens? Because I can't be the plan, just so you know.' There might be a lot of drama and guilt fired your way but there won't be an immediate need for someone to step in (i.e. you).

Laurendelight · 13/11/2020 13:37

So you will be expected to parent other people’s kids because you are wfh? By all means offer to do a day but can you work while they are with you? I’d get ready with your response now just in case.

Original poster
PuddinThePuffin · 13/11/2020 13:37

There might be a lot of drama and guilt fired your way but there won't be an immediate need for someone to step in (i.e. you)

Oh there will be. I know it.

But you're right in that at least they know they'll have to come up with some other option in plenty of time.

OP posts:
Original poster
PuddinThePuffin · 13/11/2020 13:38

This is my main bugbear about working from home. I think a lot of people don't take it as seriously

They really don't. Drives me mad.

OP posts:
Bluejewel · 13/11/2020 13:40

I have a child self isolating due to ill school friend - he has a full day of school work - it’s still not easy to keep any active child happily occupied at home .

jessstan1 · 13/11/2020 13:41

Just don't offer. Your work is just as important even if it is from home.

Jayaywhynot · 13/11/2020 13:42

I get you, I'm WFH (no children) inlaws have just turned up, iv been on back to back meetings since 8am, got 20 minutes to grab a sarnie before my next meeting but I'm expected to make tea and coffee, iv buggered off back to my back bedroom / office.
People just do not understand that wfh means working

LolaSmiles · 13/11/2020 13:43

You're WORKING from home. If they ask if you could chip in to help then that would be reasonable given the circumstances, but if they expect you to have the kids all the time then you need to ask them why they think your job is less important than their jobs.
You're working from home, not on demand childcare.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 13/11/2020 13:44

@Branleuse

I think its reasonable that if they are isolating, you treat it as if they are quarantining and say you cant do it. Espeically if you are actually working yourself. I dont think its fair if both of the childrens parents offload this on to you.

Maybe you could have this discussion in advance with your partner. Ask what him and his exes plans are for the children if they are in contact with a case or if they get covid, and tell him that youre getting anxious that this will be offloaded onto you and you definitely do not want that to be plan A

I agree with the above and other PP’s. Address it now and explain that you actually need to WORK so providing childcare for two weeks isn’t on.

My children’s’ schools here in the US are doing combinations of in-person and virtual learning- and one school’s about to move back to all virtual learning.☹️ Depending on their ages and maturity, it can be really difficult keeping them focused. My DH currently WFH full-time and he absolutely can’t supervise ( and do his job properly).

I’m self-employed and p-t, so guess who’s been doing it...and guess who’s behind on her work.☹️
You can’t do it for the full two weeks, make it clear now. Don’t hint, tell them!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 13/11/2020 13:45

Holy Fuck. You are WORKING from home. So you can't do it. End of.

timeisnotaline · 13/11/2020 13:47

Start the conversaton now by asking him if he’s flagged with work he will have to take time off if the dc need to isolate. Say I don’t know if you and ex have discussed it but I’m assuming she will want you to cover half, and best to sow the seed with work so it’s not a complete surprise.

I work from home. When they have to stay home with a sniffle (which is for every runny nose in the current environment) then dh stays home alternate days. I was taking ds to an appt Thursday lunch and electricians were coming In the morning, so dh had to stay to talk to them. Because I’m not default parent and house carer, my job matters too.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/11/2020 13:48

Tell them no. It's not your responsibility.

I'm single and can't work from home. My ex husband can't work from home. My ex husband's partner is working full time from home. If DS's class bubble bursts then it's up to me and his dad to take time off work. His partner would probably have him for a couple of days but I certainly would not ask her to do a full 2 weeks.

I'm also dreading DS's class bubble bursting as it will mean me having to take unpaid leave from work!