To ask what’s the most toe curling OTT boast/showing off you’ve heard from a parent about their child?

[Rainbowb]

Just seen a FB post from a mum friend boasting about her 9yo daughter doing online dance and gym sessions via zoom and practising for her 11 plus complete with picture of said child sat at her desk and smiling for the camera. Hope the child gets time to chill out now and then! Mum obviously needs us all to believe her daughter is a high achiever! It was so cringy though and I wondered if anyone else out there was biting their lip at stuff like this?!

It's so British to dumb down others achievements and mock them. Maybe some posts are a bit cringy but in these awful times it's one of the few opportunities a parent may have to communicate something positive with others.

I went to a toddler group. There was a wee girl there who had been born to same week as my son, and her mother kept comparing them, and saying how much more advanced her daughter was. Lots of surprised faces that my son couldn't do X, Y, or Z.
One day she started up on "keyboard skills" and how her daughter had been practicing her "keyboard skills"all week. Surprised face that my son wasn't also "practicing his important keyboard skills."
It turned out that she had one of those toys with four
buttons, when the red button is pressed a cow pops up, when the blue button is pressed it's a sheep etc etc. Her daughter was "practicing her early keyboard skills" by pressing the four buttons.

@LongPauseNoAnswer
That's a bit nasty, and judgemental re private schools, not to mention belittling your niece's achievement. ( although I agree asking you to gush over the report is a bit much) How do you know the school doesn't teach independent thought or critical thinking?

Notthetune
It does sound boastful then.

My DC amaze me in many ways, because they're mine. Going on about entirely standard things to others and on social media is just boastful.

GlummyMcGlummerson
You're right about feeling the need to document everything. I know people who give running updates on their baby's crawling/rolling/walking, and their child's time at school or nursery, then there's the gushing posts 'to their child' about how they are the funniest ans sweetest and most talented child on earth. It's mainly nauseating boasting and makes me wonder if they have an identity and interests beyond their children.

@lovelemoncurd

It's so British to dumb down others achievements and mock them. Maybe some posts are a bit cringy but in these awful times it's one of the few opportunities a parent may have to communicate something positive with others.

I dont think it is dumbing down as such there is a way of wording your childs accomplishments without sounding like you are bragging, putting down others, or taking the achievement as your own.

There is a big difference between "Congratulations Simon on winning the medal, outclassed the competition during his bout standing above the rest at his own club, I am the best proudest mummy ever xxxxxx" and "Simon with his medal this weekend, thanks to all at the club for the support and well done to all the competitors. Nandos tonight to celebrate!"

WeAllHaveWings
Well said.

The fact several posters on this thread think mocking boasting parents equals dumbing down achievements, telling parents never to say anything nice, telling parents never to be proud etc highlights why most of us can think of braggy, boastful parent examples.

father at parents evening before choosing GCSE options said to the teacher ' my daughter will excel at any subject so now is your chance to sell french to me' he also said that the choice was important as it would dictate their holiday destinations so she could immerse herself in whatever language she studied.

Mum was a teacher at the local primary and new couple enrolling their son much concern that he was so super bright would the school even be able to cope? Lad arrives perfectly nice somewhere in the middle of the class if not behind. When this message was gently delivered the lad was whisked out of the school and sent private 😁

@Shimmyingmetacos

I’ve definitely had the ‘Oh little Jimmy is sooooooo much taller than little tacos - and being younger too!’ several times, even by family members. Yes, my child is slightly below average height - but why is this something to be competitive about??? And why say it out loud??

My dd is underdeveloped in growth and therefore quite smaller than her peers. But what a beep stupid thing to "compete" about. Luckily we have never heard anyone questioning it or competing about it The only thing is that we have had to correct ppl sometimes when they praise dd for being good at something when they automatically think she's younger than her age , so dd age 2 walking and a lady praised her to me being so good at walking. It was quite clear the lady thought dd was way younger than 2

@Notthetune

I'm probably in the minority (and sorry if I'm taking the thread too seriously) but after two miscarriages my daughter is the most precious thing in my world. I'm a single mum, and have no family or close friends nearby (as we moved to be close to ex dp's work), so I do post updates about dd on Facebook, because I'm proud of her achievements. She comes out with the funniest witty comments and I have nobody else around me to share them with, so I post them online. I probably won't as much, having read this thread, as I feel a bit stupid that my friends might be commenting on this thread about me!

All dh family live abroad, a lot of my friends do too., so we tell them all the everyday stuff on private messages to them, sending pictures of them on text and WhatsApp ect. No need for all to know that dd now knows the alphabet or similar perhaps set up a private group on fb to share with family and friends. I know lots of expat that do that.

[quote furloughandfallow]@LongPauseNoAnswer
That's a bit nasty, and judgemental re private schools, not to mention belittling your niece's achievement. ( although I agree asking you to gush over the report is a bit much) How do you know the school doesn't teach independent thought or critical thinking? [/quote]
My DD was private school educated in Switzerland so I would hardly be in a position to be judgemental would I?

I know the school’s methods because it’s very well known for doing just that (we’re not in the UK btw). My niece is wickedly clever, charming and funny and I would never belittle her. Her mother is the issue.

@Notthetune I think that's really good advice about setting up a private FB group just for close family (+ any others) who would be interested in regular updates on achievements, cute anecdotes etc. There is definitely a place for these things, but it's about knowing your audience.

I got offered a place at college yesterday (I'm 32, total 360 change of career) and rang my mum to tell her. She shouted out the back door to tell her neighbour, and proceeded to have a full on boasty conversation with him about how epic I will be in my new career while I cringed on the end of the phone.

I don't remember her ever bragging about my achievements as a child though. Although, maybe I was just massively mediocre! 🤔

@Luxplus all my Facebook contacts are family and friends. I don’t need to set up a sub group for them.

Definition of bragging: excessively proud and boastful talk about one's achievements and possessions.

I guess it depends on what you consider excessive. By all accounts ANY mention of a child’s achievements seems to be considered bragging and boastful on here. I mean, how do you unlock pride from boastful in a post saying “DD has done so well this term and got 10/10 in her spellings every week.” ?

It’s intent, surely?

“Jack has done so well in his spellings, perfect score, well done Jack, so proud!” Fine.

But if your friend has just posted “Jill is really struggling with her dyslexia but today she managed her three top words and had a good try at all the others. So proud!” Then replying with that same comment about Jack is not fine at all.

Just like a pregnancy announcement in itself is of course absolutely fine. But you don’t make that pregnancy announcement your first reply when your friend has just posted about their miscarriage or stillbirth.

Celebrating your child’s achievements, fine. Using your child’s achievements to belittle someone else, to make them feel bad and make yourself feel bigger, not fine.

Inventing ridiculous over performing flights of fantasy which cannot possibly be true “So proud of Archie, reading Tolstoy at 2 having taught himself the Cyrillic alphabet just for fun first” with a picture of said genius standing on the book screaming, deluded. Mildly entertaining or moderately annoying, depending on context abs my own fatigue levels.

@ SilenceOfThePrams
God I agree! I’d never post in response to someone else’s post about their own child, but there seem to be diverse opinions in this thread. Yours is sensible!

I post a lot of things my dd says because I find them really funny and expect other people might. There’s no I’ll intent, and I don’t post to make anyone feel bad about their own non-funny child. You can second guess how people will read into a post as boastful or competitive, when in fact it isn’t intended that way,

*ill

Urgh. Can’t second guess...

I don’t post to make anyone feel bad about their own non-funny child.

@LongPauseNoAnswer
My niece is wickedly clever, charming and funny and I would never belittle her.
Glad to hear she has other talents than merely getting "top marks for repeating information" then, and you would never belittle her.

So glad I sacked Facebook off.

Uncle Prat-Knobhead enrolled my cousin into foreign language lessons to compete with us as we had moved abroad. One of the cringeworthy things I've ever witnessed was when he pushed our poor cousin forwards when in a group of French people to show off how well he could speak the language and the poor kid proceeded to give Del Boy a run for his money.

Dh has boasted on social media about how infinitely proud he was of DS for coming out with every swear word but cunt by age 4.

I was less than impressed and we may have had words.

I once heard a mother exclaim that her five year old daughter was so intelligent it was scary! Yeah.......right!