To ask what’s the most toe curling OTT boast/showing off you’ve heard from a parent about their child?

[Rainbowb]

Just seen a FB post from a mum friend boasting about her 9yo daughter doing online dance and gym sessions via zoom and practising for her 11 plus complete with picture of said child sat at her desk and smiling for the camera. Hope the child gets time to chill out now and then! Mum obviously needs us all to believe her daughter is a high achiever! It was so cringy though and I wondered if anyone else out there was biting their lip at stuff like this?!

One of my friends had a son who apparantly was a genius, very talented at everything, would become a doctor/dentist/famous painter/designer whatever. He had the best dress sense of everyone at school and was the kindest boy. Every negative thing that happened at school or in life wasn't ever his fault, and he wasn't corrected because he was always right.

@rorosemary this paragraph describes a family member of mine to a T. Thing is he did grow up to be quite successful, but he's also a narcissist.

I'm probably in the minority (and sorry if I'm taking the thread too seriously) but after two miscarriages my daughter is the most precious thing in my world. I'm a single mum, and have no family or close friends nearby (as we moved to be close to ex dp's work), so I do post updates about dd on Facebook, because I'm proud of her achievements. She comes out with the funniest witty comments and I have nobody else around me to share them with, so I post them online. I probably won't as much, having read this thread, as I feel a bit stupid that my friends might be commenting on this thread about me!

@Notthetune

I'm probably in the minority (and sorry if I'm taking the thread too seriously) but after two miscarriages my daughter is the most precious thing in my world. I'm a single mum, and have no family or close friends nearby (as we moved to be close to ex dp's work), so I do post updates about dd on Facebook, because I'm proud of her achievements. She comes out with the funniest witty comments and I have nobody else around me to share them with, so I post them online. I probably won't as much, having read this thread, as I feel a bit stupid that my friends might be commenting on this thread about me!

I don't think you've quite understood...

@JuliaJohnston
Can you enlighten me?

Can you enlighten me?
Nobody has an issue with sharing successes. People are laughing at boasting.

Throughout this thread several people seem incapable to telling the difference, usually as they get defensive about what they say regarding their DC.

Sharing something good a child has achieved - lovely

Getting a minute by minute account of entirely mundane events with comments essentially pointing out how brilliant DC is, how they're so much smart, so much sportier, so much funnier etc than other kids - boasting and the sort of behaviour that leaves people smiling or nodding and saying "that's nice dear" whilst inwardly wishing the person talking would STFU

*smarter

Exaggeration or lying. Or embarrassingly OTT !

@LolaSmiles
I see. Well I read a few posts referring to kids' spellings and I'm guilty of that. My dd gets 10/10 every week, and is youngest in her class, but reading a year or two ahead (free reading by end of year 1). She AMAZES me and I post about how she amazes me and how well she is doing considering she is summer born and all. Reading this thread I sound like one of the boasters being referred to. It is complete pride. I'm not comparing her to anyone else. I'm just in awe of her achievements.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

Last year my DD's school had an after school session where parents could come and see the work their child had done, paintings, projects etc. In the middle of looking at some of DD's art, a dad who I will call PoshWanker (very showy offy type who name drops because he's worked with very minor celebs in the past) said VERY loudly and in an exaggerated accent "Oh Jennifer, just look at this work book. Your hand writing has improved exponentially since last term. absolutely superb, bravo." Then patted her on the head 🤣 my inner cheeks nearly bled with biting, trying not to laugh.

I feel sorry for the child of posh wanker ...poor kid must be mortified

My dd gets 10/10 every week, and is youngest in her class, but reading a year or two ahead (free reading by end of year 1

But all children learn to read eventually. Whether she can read at 3 or 10 makes no difference, they all manage to do that.

I have never asked my friends at what point they became a fluent reader.

What is does do is make this who’s children struggle fee like failures.

@BluebellsGreenbells
Does it? If I see someone else commenting on how their child is at grade 6 on piano, or has won a competition, or has passed all their exams, I just congratulate them. My dd has done none of those things and it doesn't make me feel like a failure. A child donating their hair to charity doesn't make me feel bad for not cutting dd's hair short and donating it. I just congratulate these people on their achievements.

As an analogy, I didn't expect people to not announce their pregnancies after my two miscarriages. It was their good news! Is it not somewhat similar to that? Even friends who knew I had miscarried recently posted photos of their scans. I thought, if it was my pregnancy and I was over the moon, I'd want to announce it too, and I did, when I eventually fell pregnant with dd. I was soooo over the moon.

@Gancanny

I remember a mum calling out loudly at a local small zoo to her child “ Well done for recognising it’s a Marmoset not just a monkey

Ah fuck, this might have been me. Was it over half term just gone? It wasn't meant to sound wanky. DS is autistic and has difficulty with reading. He was a bit overwhelmed and tends to shutdown so I was worrying he wasn't enjoying the day. He mumbled "monkey" at the marmosets then read the sign and very excitedly said "marmosets!" I was just happy that he was happy and that he had read the sign

Also, that is quite.impressive, many children wouldnt know the difference

But all children learn to read eventually. Whether she can read at 3 or 10 makes no difference, they all manage to do that

This is a very good yard stick to measure if something is an unnecessary boast or not - bragging about your child doing something that eventually everyone learns to do.

Also, why would you want to bore people?! In the nicest possible way - no one cares.

My DD was also free reading by the end of year 1 and gets 12/12 in her spellings every week (except for the ONE FUCKING TIME she misspelt something, she misspelt clock, you can guess the rest 🙄😂). I say well done and everything, no one else needs, or wants, to know though. Showing off won't make her achievements more valid. Its just a pointless task that only serves to make others either feel inadequate or roll their eyes at your DC doing perfectly normal things. She's a person and I'm pretty sure that if I documented her every fart on social media, she won't thank me for it when she's older, especially when they go through the inevitable teen stage of "god mum is so embarrasing"

If I see someone else commenting on how their child is at grade 6 on piano, or has won a competition, or has passed all their exams, I just congratulate them. My dd has done none of those things and it doesn't make me feel like a failure. A child donating their hair to charity doesn't make me feel bad for not cutting dd's hair short and donating it. I just congratulate these people on their achievements.

But do you expect congratulations on a weekly spelling test?

A charity hair cut, exam results - those are milestone moments that deserve congratulations and recognition. Little every day workings such as spellings I'm afraid doesn't.

I do think all this is a sign of the times - we have to document every last thing we do (and when we have children, what they do) on social media to feel validated, or feel that we are part of something authentic when we're not? did our own mothers have braggy mums at the playground? Did they put up with this pre social media?

I would also add, that these things stay on your page, and teens go hunting for embarrassing information.

You need to think ahead and watch what you post, especially photos.

Mine are teens, I’ve seen some of the things passed around that any teen would be embarrassed by, I’ve never done this and quite glad I didn’t.

@MolyHolyGuacamole

One of my friends had a son who apparantly was a genius, very talented at everything, would become a doctor/dentist/famous painter/designer whatever. He had the best dress sense of everyone at school and was the kindest boy. Every negative thing that happened at school or in life wasn't ever his fault, and he wasn't corrected because he was always right.

@rorosemary this paragraph describes a family member of mine to a T. Thing is he did grow up to be quite successful, but he's also a narcissist.

Actually a.clinically diagnosed or diagnosable Narcissistic PD, or.just.a bit of an arse?

I say.this because it.seems.to be that genuine NPD is linked to.attachment disorder or trauma at an early age

Woman who set up a board to pin all the things her baby could sign, then posted this on Facebook.

The worst one I came across was when an acquaintance was boasting about her son getting in the local grammar school. She made such a fuss and was really patronising to those that hadn't been accepted. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if her son had actually been accepted but she'd been so sure of his acceptance. It was one of the cringiest things I'd seen on Facebook.
Another boasted about her daughter being a lover of classical music and her affinity for the STEM subjects. The daughter had barely turned one.

@GlummyMcGlummerson
I don't post to get congratulations. I just post because I'm proud. I won't be doing it so much from now on, because it's obviously not seen as pride. I didn't realise.

@GlummyMcGlummerson
And it wasn't me posting every day or every week. It was at the end of half term, just to say I was proud she'd got 10/10 every week in her spellings. She was mighty proud of herself too! I mainly posted for family to see, as none of them live near us, and I think it would seem even more odd to phone them up and tell them.

Anytime someone asks MN for a book for a 4 year old to read and are advised Ronald Dahl, etc as their three year old read them easily.....

My partner and I with our 3 sons aged 1, 5 and 9 were staying at a hotel. One evening at dinner we got chatting to a couple with a 7 year old boy. Our sons were playing with him and they all climbed under the table, whilst the boys parents were waxing lyrical about how advanced and clever their son was (so cringe). Suddenly there was an awful smell like someone had farted and both my sons came crawling out from under the table with horrified looks on their faces....the boy had done a shit in his pants and then put his hand down there!!! His parents looked absolutely mortified and rushed him off, we didn't see them again for the rest of our stay.

Notthetune I can understand wanting somebody to share your little triumphs and pride in your children - DM was widowed whenever DBro and I were children, and our family lived miles away, and she always said the hardest thing was not having anyone to talk about us to. Not boasting, just that we were so important to her that she wanted to talk how much she loved us, but couldn't because she knew nobody else wanted to hear it.

Could you find more neutral, sweet things to post about your DD? So instead of bragging about her spelling, post something about how lovely it is to snuggle on the sofa and read with her, and how much you love seeing her starting to have her own taste in books. Or whatever. Not her test scores, which will just make other people either feel bad, or roll their eyes, but something about your lovely relationship with her. I bet you’ll get a much better response from people.

We are all proud of our dc though. WhatsApp granny - I shamelessly send both dds school triumphs to my parents and in laws the only people on earth who are interested/ genuinely pleased - cos no one else is!

SIL handed me her DD’s school report so I could oooh and aaahh over her straight As

Thing is Dniece attends a private school that is well known for teaching the kids how to pass state exams with maximum marks without teaching independent thought or critical thinking. So really Dniece is getting top marks in repeating information