DP doesn't want ex to babysit DD

[Gripgru]

I have two DC, DS4 with my ex-husband, and DD1 with my current partner. I've been really exhausted with lockdown and I said something casually about not having any time to spend with DP, who was in the room at the time. Ex then offered to take DD with him as well next Saturday when he's picking up DS. I was about to thank him for that and say I'd think it over when DP told my ex he ''doesn't think that's a good idea".

I would have obviously had a conversation with DP first before agreeing to anything, but DP made the situation very uncomfortable when he said that. So ex got a bit petty and told DP he doesn't get the fuss as DP looks after DS all the time. He left in a bit of a huff in the end.

I feel stuck in the middle. DP is telling me it's not appropriate, but I find it annoying that he told my ex that to his face when he was only trying to be nice. Before anyone asks, my relationship with ex wasn't abusive and we split amicably. AIBU to think that maybe DP should apologise for what he said? Or am I overreacting?

@flaviaritt

One parent doesn’t get a veto in decisions about a child.

We do in our house. We don’t hand our child over to anyone unless we are both happy. I think that is the healthy way to do it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

absolutely. For me this is about whether the reaction was appropriate not declining the offer

Sounds like ex has made some nice waves between you and dp.

I think your ExH was lovely to offer and wish my ex had that sort of attitude!

I also think your DP has every right to decide he’s not happy with it, but should accept that’s his feelings not any material issue with the suggestion. I don’t think he should have been rude, he could have been non-commital

Gripgru, I hope things are better now and all sorted out.

I'm with you. Not family. In my situation they've never met as we live a distance away and SD is adult

It’s just ridiculous in my opinion. I mean, where do you draw the line?
Because I’m the mother of dsc’s siblings, does that mean the sibling dsc has from mum is my relative too? What title does that child actually hold if he’s supposedly family to me and my children? He’s not a stepchild to me or a nephew and he’s not my children’s sibling.... so what is he?

@flaviaritt
I think I have made myself quite clear. The OP and her DP are a couple; they make joint decisions (or I assume they do). The OP and her ex are not a couple. They make separate decisions during their own contact time. That you (and seemingly the ex) don’t seem to understand this difference shows a startling disregard for the reality of life in a separated family.

No thats not what you said and you were very specific about this.
You said the parents of the child each had a right to veto any deal.
That means the OP and her DH each have that right for DD2 and the OP and her Ex each have the same right for DD1.
If the Ex has taken it as anyone else would have than his permission for DD1 to be looked after by DH would now be revoked.
This what you said
One parent doesn’t get a veto in decisions about a child.
We do in our house. We don’t hand our child over to anyone unless we are both happy. I think that is the healthy way to do it.*

Either this works for both or it works for neither.
I am failing to understand how you can not understand this, or maybe you are trying to wriggle out of it so that the ex's veto somehow doesn't apply.