To tell a lie to my friend?

[itsxmas]

Two weeks ago my friend asked to borrow £20 till she got paid (on Monday )
Sunday night she text saying ASOS had a make up bag she wanted and it's £12 but they had 20% off so it was only £9.60 but the discount would end by the time she got paid the following day and would I order it and she would transfer it with the £20.
I said that's fine and ordered it.
Monday morning I woke up to a text
"Hi I've transferred the £20 I owe you but il sort the rest out the next time I see you as I get confused ha ha"
That's what she says when she isn't going to pay (she plays the confused card)
Seen her on Tuesday and she said
"Oh god I feel stupid saying this but I've just been to Asda and got too spendy and thought I was rich and now I've spent all my spare money am I ok to sort it out next month"
Obviously all I could say was yeah sure.
She won't,it will end up being a gift from me.
It's always the amounts under £10 she never pays.
I always think it's only £5 or it's only £4 but it all adds up.
Anyway the make up bag is due today.
Aibu to say the parcel didn't arrive and it must be missing then return it?
I know that sounds sneaky and underhand but I'm sick of it.

'Yes, I have the make up bag. It's lovely and just the sort of thing my SIL/aunt/cousin would love. Can you pop round with the £ today or tomorrow but if you don't have the £ by the weekend, I'll definitely be sending it to SIL/aunt/cousin in Australia for Christmas'

And no money today/tomorrow, send it back for refund.

Why do you think she's your friend?

Stop with the silly face.

She doesn't get it until she pays for it. Then give it to someone else for their present when you have waited too long to send it back.

Sorry for late reply's I'm just at work on lunch.
I am a people pleaser.
I have the premier next day with delivery with ASOS so she asks so she doesn't have to pay for delivery.
It's free returns
I am a people pleaser,I can never say no (friends and family included )
I know I need to stop being a push over
I have name changed
Sorry for the annoying threads about her,I know it must be frustrating
I do listen to your advice,I just struggle to put that advice in to action
Sorry if I've missed answering any questions,I've just skimmed quickly whilst having lunch

Just keep it simple. No money no bag. She needs to transfer the money asap or you wont be handing over the bag. And going forward the same rules apply. She is playing the ditzy card when really she is a hard nosed scrounger who knows exactly what she is doing

Just read the taxi thread same as this one she's confused but really she's very smart cf .
How many more threads are you going to do before you follow up on the advice op ?

I've had experience of people like this. You won't get the money back. Don't lend her any again.

So?

You shouldnt be worried about offending or upsetting someone who doesnt care about you. Shes happily spending your money and taking advantage of you. Why do you want to be friends with this person?

Text and say "can you please send me the £9 for this bag or I will need to return it." If she doesnt then return it. She has no right to be annoyed with you for this.

Next time she asks to borrow say "no sorry you dont remember to pay me back" or dont be friends with her.

@PurpleDaisies is spot on

I am a people pleaser too but not a mug! I can tell when people are trying to take advantage of me and you obviously can too. She is using you. I feel good when I help people, if it stops feeling good or if I question their intentions, I don’t help. This situation is not making you happy so stop it. It doesn’t seem like she is a real friend. Saying yes all the time will land you in difficult situations. and if you ever needed help how many of these people will be there for you?

Tell her your ASOS contract has ended so she might as well just get it herself.

I actually cant believe you're still doing this then asking for advice again. Absolutely nothing has changed. Swap people pleaser for doormat. It's not a positive attribute about yourself.

It’s fine if she wants to use your premier delivery. But she needs to transfer the money to you BEFORE.
So you need to make a stance on this occasion.
No money, no bag. And going forward no more lending. You are not her personal cash machine.

@PurpleDaisies

You need to stand up for yourself. You are being taken for a mug.

Tell her the real situation-you’re fed up with her treating you like her personal bank-and return the bag unless she pays you.

I’d send a message like...
I know I said it was ok to pay me later but it really isn’t. This borrowing money and not repaying me has to stop or it’s going to ruin our friendship. I’m happy to return the make up bag but I won’t be keeping it unless you transfer the money as you said you would. Please don’t ask to borrow any more in the future. I’m going to say no and it will be awkward.

This is a perfect message to send her

YABU for lending money!

If you tell her a lie, she'll expect you to follow up and chase it/claim a replacement. Not worth the hassle. Just keep it until she pays you, after all a make-up bag isn't a necessity and life won't be that difficult for her without it. Be honest and say you need the money, either from her or a refund from supplier.x

This is an opportunity to be upfront with her.

"Hey x, the make up bag arrived but I'll send it back if you can't afford it right now. I don't mind spotting you occasionally but to be honest I'm quite a bit out of pocket from bits you've wanted this year and haven't paid back. Let me know if you want it or not. x"

I think she needs to know you've cottoned on to her behaviour! I wouldn't be above totting it up and telling her how much she actually owes you, but you seem scared to address it.

Op, just send PurpleDaisies message! You won't be face to face (so no need to be worried about her reaction) and it will give her the chance to think about that message and your friendship.

Be brave. She is a CF and if you carry on as you are your self-worth (and your bank account) will be in the toilet. Do it! If it ends your friendship then you know she never was your friend in the first place, just a leech.

YABU. And the reason isn't because you can't seem to say no to other people who want to take advantage of you. It's because you keep coming back here, asking for advice you are never going to follow. People here are giving you their energy, taking time to create sensible posts to help you. And you are taking that energy and throwing it all away.

I don't think it's necessary to lie, just don't give her the make up bag until she gives you the money.

Goodness op how come you lent her more? You've had lots of advice after she took the piss before.
It's not cute to be a push over you know. Have some self respect. I bet this woman won't be friends with you if you push back. She doesn't like you much. She wouldn't treat you like this if she did. You need to work on why you let it happen. Making more threads isn't gonna help.

Jyst text ‘since you can’t afford it now I’ve returned it’

If she asks again say you want the money before ordering as it’s a faff returning stuff she hasn’t paid for.

I know it’s hard but you really need to prioritise yourself here

So what have you decided to do?

If she can afford to go on a spending spree she can afford the extra £2.40 higher non-sale price.

Any reason why you can't ditch her?

What else does she owe you for?
Ask her for it..
'Hi friend. Your bag arrived! I know you said you were confused so I worked it out for you.. it was £10 so you owe me £10, plus £.... for the last item & still the £... from before for the...,. Makes sense to get it all straightened out first and then pop over for the bag. '