To tell a lie to my friend?

[itsxmas]

Two weeks ago my friend asked to borrow £20 till she got paid (on Monday )
Sunday night she text saying ASOS had a make up bag she wanted and it's £12 but they had 20% off so it was only £9.60 but the discount would end by the time she got paid the following day and would I order it and she would transfer it with the £20.
I said that's fine and ordered it.
Monday morning I woke up to a text
"Hi I've transferred the £20 I owe you but il sort the rest out the next time I see you as I get confused ha ha"
That's what she says when she isn't going to pay (she plays the confused card)
Seen her on Tuesday and she said
"Oh god I feel stupid saying this but I've just been to Asda and got too spendy and thought I was rich and now I've spent all my spare money am I ok to sort it out next month"
Obviously all I could say was yeah sure.
She won't,it will end up being a gift from me.
It's always the amounts under £10 she never pays.
I always think it's only £5 or it's only £4 but it all adds up.
Anyway the make up bag is due today.
Aibu to say the parcel didn't arrive and it must be missing then return it?
I know that sounds sneaky and underhand but I'm sick of it.

@itsxmas

No she's not stupid with money She just hates paying back what she owes. She will have money in the bank,she's just trying to get out of paying

In that case she is a CF of the highest order. There's a well known saying (slightly amended) 'Take me for a mug once, shame on you, take me for a mug twice, shame on me' - learn from it.

Unless you are so desperate for her "friendship" you are willing to pay for it...

Oh my god it's the taxi woman!
Link please @closetalker

@Bluntness100

I would, I’d say it’s not arrived sorry and you’re in touch with ASOS.

Then say they are refunding and she can order it herself

But then nothing will change.

This is the perfect opportunity to make a stand.

I'd tell her that she has to pay the money by x date (ie. in 2 or 3 days time at the latest) or the make up bag is going back so you can get the money back. And then stick to it!
If she doesn't have the 9.60 then she can't afford the bag.
And nor can you!!

And that's it - no more lending of money ever. Tell her straight you won't be doing that anymore as you can't afford to be spending money and then having to wait to get it back or not get it back at all.

Stop being such a mug - she’s using you as her ‘under tenner ATM’ - return the bag and tell her why.

My view point is that you shouldn't lie, she could easily ring up the shop and you will get caught up. You have nothing to feel guilty about so why get involved in an action where you may be.
I wouldn't give it as a gift either, Why should you reward her bad behaviour.
I would be straight, tell her the bag has arrived and to bring £10 (40p for disbursement costs), other wise you will keep it (and when I say keep it I mean do what you want with it- that could be keep it, send it back or give it to someone else as a gift). Give her a week and don't pass it over on the promise of future monies.
Also I don't think you should give excuses or reasons, why should you. Its her item - She wants it, she pays, as was agreed.
Finally if you ever feel bad, remember none of this is your doing- you did her a favour and once again she is trying to pull a fast one. This is squarely her responsibility.
I would say you may lose her as a friend, once she knows she cant use you as some free cash service, but do you really want someone like that??

But then nothing will change

Of course it will the op is not some passive participant. She just says no the next time. Sorry I’m skint. And keeps saying it till she stops asking.

I would say to her you've been reviewing your own finances and decided you need to be careful with money as you have a goal (make one up, buying a horse, saving for a mega post covid holiday I don't know).

I would, I’d say it’s not arrived sorry and you’re in touch with ASOS.
WHY do people feel the need to lie, or justify themselves by making up holidays and horses?? The OP's finances are none of this woman's business.

Simply 'you can have the bag when you've given me the money. By the xx date please, otherwise I'll return it.'

This is how no friend behaves, best off ditching her.

Go with what Bluntness100 has said on here,that is what I would be telling your (supposed) friend. Make this the day to stop lending money to her,put your big girl pants and say nooooooo .

@IntermittentParps

I would say to her you've been reviewing your own finances and decided you need to be careful with money as you have a goal (make one up, buying a horse, saving for a mega post covid holiday I don't know).

I would, I’d say it’s not arrived sorry and you’re in touch with ASOS.
WHY do people feel the need to lie, or justify themselves by making up holidays and horses?? The OP's finances are none of this woman's business.

Simply 'you can have the bag when you've given me the money. By the xx date please, otherwise I'll return it.'

@IntermittentParps I am totally with you personally, I'm the sort of person who would say 'Oi you cheeky cow, no cash? No bag'.
However from previous posts and the tone of the OPs messages it's obvious that she's not that type of person and needs another approach.

For sport, I'd be telling her that I also 'got confused' and thought she didn't want it any more, so I returned it.

You also need to be clear that you aren't a bank and it won't be happening again though.

Would she still be your friend if she told you regularly that you were a daft mug, OP? She might not be saying those actual words, but she is certainly treating you as if she thinks it, and you're repeatedly allowing it.

I feel bad saying no.

And that is exactly what she counts on and why she keeps asking you.

I’d just say yes it’s here, I’ll keep it safe until you have the money available - big cheery smile. If she asks for it do a light hearted confident laugh “we’ll do it this way so we don’t forget, you know what we’re like hahaha”

Return it, never buy anything or lend her money again citing personal extra expenses that month. You may find she either disappears or treats you better when she realises you aren’t her personal overdraft facility. Either way is better for you.

@BorderlineHappy

Oh my god it's the taxi woman! Link please *@closetalker*

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4049428-aibu-and-stingy-or-was-my-friend-taking-the?msgid=100808341#100808341

She is a user. Do what you have to.
If you lose her friendship because you are honest she'll just replace you and quickly. If you are honest You may get a bad name because of it.
Stop being her doormat because it obviously suits her and not you and why should it!

I would send a message saying that the bag has come, you don’t want to wait for the money so she can transfer it or it’ll go back when you’re next in town on Saturday.
If she gets stroppy, so what? You aren’t her ATM.
Has she ever done it for you? Madness.

When she contacts you about the bag, tell her at least the rough total of what she owes you and say you'll happily send it on when she pays up.

You've had some really great advice OP, please take it.

I would list return the bloody make up bag and when she asks why tell her it's because she treats you like a mug. Then I would end the friendship. I wouldn't treat someone I didn't like like this - how can you consider this woman a friend?

Get wise op, or continue being shamelessly used.

“I can’t afford this bag, have you got the money or am I returning it?”

Nope. "you can't afford the bag so i have returned it"

And set boundaries and keep to them. I didn't realise this was Taxi And Pyjamas Woman. Realistically? you need to keep away from her.

Or work out what she owes you and add 3% for interest and give her the invoice. Tell her she can pay you a fiver a week (since you've obviously written the money off it will be a bonus for you) and educate her in the ways of compound interest.

She isnt your friend, friends dont do this.
You sound lovely.

Don’t give her anymore money....

She isn’t your friend

Tell her you are returning bag as need the money as doesn’t seem to want to pay for it

NEVER. Lend her money again

Shes treating you like her overdraft.End all the lending.