To tell a lie to my friend?

[itsxmas]

Two weeks ago my friend asked to borrow £20 till she got paid (on Monday )
Sunday night she text saying ASOS had a make up bag she wanted and it's £12 but they had 20% off so it was only £9.60 but the discount would end by the time she got paid the following day and would I order it and she would transfer it with the £20.
I said that's fine and ordered it.
Monday morning I woke up to a text
"Hi I've transferred the £20 I owe you but il sort the rest out the next time I see you as I get confused ha ha"
That's what she says when she isn't going to pay (she plays the confused card)
Seen her on Tuesday and she said
"Oh god I feel stupid saying this but I've just been to Asda and got too spendy and thought I was rich and now I've spent all my spare money am I ok to sort it out next month"
Obviously all I could say was yeah sure.
She won't,it will end up being a gift from me.
It's always the amounts under £10 she never pays.
I always think it's only £5 or it's only £4 but it all adds up.
Anyway the make up bag is due today.
Aibu to say the parcel didn't arrive and it must be missing then return it?
I know that sounds sneaky and underhand but I'm sick of it.

@PurpleDaisies over the years I wouldn't like to say tbh

If you give it to her - even as a Xmas present as others have suggested you’re not only enabling this behaviour you’re encouraging it!
This sounds horrible but you are then part of the problem...... I only say this having watching this type of behaviour escalate through many years.

I would say that she either pays (within 48 hours) or you’re returning it and I would also say if you value our friendship then I can’t lend you money ever again so please don’t ever ask me again.

'That's OK I will return it now I I know you don't have the funds, as I am not able to wait and I don't want to get into a pattern of lending to others.' She needs to learn to wait and resist sales.

Why do you let her treat you like a mug repeatedly?

And since you let it happen so often, why are you annoyed at her for it? You have the power to say no.

Although I can see that lying would be easier and might consider it myself so I see where you are coming from. Make sure you are ready to refuse next time though.

I wouldn't lie. I would tell her you will be returning it unless she pays you the amount owed.

This. She's repeatedly lying to you and you're accepting it. What the hell kind of friendship is that?

She’s not a friend, she’s a user! You aren’t happy about it, or you wouldn’t have gone on mn to tell us about it. Put on your big girls pants and say money or no make-up bag.

You know she keeps doing this because you enable her.... stop being a mug. Shes not your friend if she repeatedly takes advantage of you.

Don't lie and don't give it to her for Christmas.

The best way to deal with anything like this is to be honest. Tell her the bag has arrived and she either pays for it well within the return period (which is usually 28 days, but I wouldn't give her that long based on her history) and if she doesn't pay, send it back for a refund.

And from now on, no more loans. You don't have a financial responsibility towards her and by lending her money, you are allowing her to take advantage of you.

I'd just say 'do you mind if I give it to you when you've transferred that money over?'

I think the message @PurpleDaisies has suggested is perfect. Clear, to the point and non negotiable.

I would query how much of a friend she really is though.

Don’t lie. Just text her “your makeup bag arrived today. I know you said you’d spent all your money and couldn’t afford it now. Would you like me to send it back for you?”

Have you posted about her cf tactics before?

It also just boggles my mind that people would spend money they don't have on crap like a make up bag.

I would return the bag. She is never going to pay.

Advise her in future to use one of ASOS other payment options like Klarna or Clearpay?
I cannot imagine the circumstances where a person would be skint but still prioritising a new make up bag?! Madness.
Anyway don’t give her a penny. What a pisstaker.

Send it back, say it didn’t arrive. And stop doing this. Say you’ve had a big bill/seen dentist/loaned money to mum and short of cash.

I’d send a message like...
I know I said it was ok to pay me later but it really isn’t. This borrowing money and not repaying me has to stop or it’s going to ruin our friendship. I’m happy to return the make up bag but I won’t be keeping it unless you transfer the money as you said you would. Please don’t ask to borrow any more in the future. I’m going to say no and it will be awkward.

This sums it up well

Is she 12? Honestly, it blows my mind that an adult would act this way.

Just return the bag. Tell her why if she asks. Don't lend to her ever again.

@AlwaysCheddar

Send it back, say it didn’t arrive. And stop doing this. Say you’ve had a big bill/seen dentist/loaned money to mum and short of cash.

But the OP shouldn't have to lie, especially as it won't stop the friends CF behaviour. It might feel easier to lie, but it's just dragging out the situation.

Stop being a mug

As others have said “tell her she can have the make up bag as her Christmas present, then don’t lend her money again”.

@Elvesinquarantine I have,last time it was when she owed me £10 and used it to pay for a taxi for us

[quote itsxmas]@PurpleDaisies over the years I wouldn't like to say tbh
[/quote]
Because it’s a huge amount or because you really don’t know? Can you give your best estimate? If she comes back at you that would be a useful number to know.

You could ask her why she thinks it’s ok that she’s taken £x pounds of yours to spend on treats for herself and if she’d call someone who treated her like that a good friend.

Definitely tell her you are returning it because you haven't had the money. She can not expect you to do this. I know it feels easier to lie but she will just keep asking. She knows she can get away with it.