To tell a lie to my friend?

[itsxmas]

Two weeks ago my friend asked to borrow £20 till she got paid (on Monday )
Sunday night she text saying ASOS had a make up bag she wanted and it's £12 but they had 20% off so it was only £9.60 but the discount would end by the time she got paid the following day and would I order it and she would transfer it with the £20.
I said that's fine and ordered it.
Monday morning I woke up to a text
"Hi I've transferred the £20 I owe you but il sort the rest out the next time I see you as I get confused ha ha"
That's what she says when she isn't going to pay (she plays the confused card)
Seen her on Tuesday and she said
"Oh god I feel stupid saying this but I've just been to Asda and got too spendy and thought I was rich and now I've spent all my spare money am I ok to sort it out next month"
Obviously all I could say was yeah sure.
She won't,it will end up being a gift from me.
It's always the amounts under £10 she never pays.
I always think it's only £5 or it's only £4 but it all adds up.
Anyway the make up bag is due today.
Aibu to say the parcel didn't arrive and it must be missing then return it?
I know that sounds sneaky and underhand but I'm sick of it.

She just hates paying back what she owes.

So stop lending her money

I remember reading a sign in a shop once that said "Do not ask for credit as refusal often offends"

Just tell her you aren't in a position to lend her money any more. By "giving" her money all the time you are just buying her friendship and enabling her poor behaviour.

Does she ask other friends for money? If the answer is no it is because others have wised up to her tactics.

No need to lie. Tell her she can have her bag when she's paid you for it.

Evidently you’re afraid of being straight with her and insisting on payment, because presumably
she’d sulk and be ‘off’ with you, think you’re being mean, and maybe say that to your face.

But I’m guessing that she’s relying on the fact that you’re a such soft touch, you can’t bring yourself to be ‘mean’. Seems to me that even if you know it’s entirely justified, you hate being thought mean. Because you’re just too nice!

Do you really need a friend like this? Who’s just using you? IMO you’d be better off without ‘friends’ like that.

Plenty of pps have told you what to do - you really do need just to steel yourself to do it - and just shrug off any of the CF sulking/flouncing off in a huff, which will probably follow.

I have had friends like this in the past, and I would feel really awkward about asking for money back, or making excuses why I could lend something - I'l happily lend to people I know will return with no issues.
Its strange how the kind and generous person is the one being made to feel awkward, its a pattern that really needs to break between you and your friend

Just send it back. When she asks for it tell her you got confused.

Next time she asks tell her no, it’s too confusing.

“I can’t afford this bag, have you got the money or am I returning it?”

The trouble this is it is now the op’s fault the bag is going back because she can’t afford to pay. Any message has to be clear that it was never the op’s obligation to pay. It was always the friend’s and the friend is at fault for not transferring the money.

Don't lie to her. Just tell her that the bag will be returned as she can't pay for it. You will either get the money from her or you will get a refund. Either way you are not out of pocket and she gets a clear message that you won't be taken for a mug any longer.

Why’d you feel bad about not giving your money to perfectly well off people?

Would you behave like this towards anybody? Why don’t you?

Sit down and add up all the money you’ve given her over the years. Then consider what you could do with that money.

You’re choosing to give this incredibly entitled woman money and seething about it quietly.

Send the bag back and tell her you did as she wasn’t paying for it and you don’t have the money to finance her lifestyle.

Then think long and hard why you allow yourself to be treated so badly.

A bloody make up bag when she has no money what a idiot !! .
Absolutely do not give her the bag what you choose to say is up to you but you are partly responsible because you have been too nice by saying it's fine etc .
If she messages again ignore say no say anything but stop lending her money for stupid shit .

If you lie and say it hasn't arrived she can just ask you to contact customer services and sort out a new one.

Honestly, between this and the last post, this woman sounds like the most irritating cow in the world. I have no idea why you want to be friends with her, she's a horrible person.

Return it. She's a user. Don't get it as an Xmas present she probably wouldn't do the same for you.

Definitely stay strong and don’t just give her the bag

Is she a parent? What does she do when she needs to buy them shoes a week before payday?

Give her the bag, it's only a tenner, but maybe let her know that you can't keep doing it?

@itsxmas

No she's not stupid with money She just hates paying back what she owes. She will have money in the bank,she's just trying to get out of paying

She's not a friend then, she's a user. Get rid of the bag and of her.

I could not be friends with such a greedy, CF.

You can't just say she cab have the bag when she paid for it, as who knows how long she'll drag that out.

As I see it, you have two sensible options.

One : return it and when she asks say 'you said you didn't have the money for it'

Two : say 'I need the £9.60 by x date, otherwise I'll have to return it so I can get my money back'

Either option should get the point across.

Give her the bag, it's only a tenner, but maybe let her know that you can't keep doing it?

But it's not just a one off £10. It's a repeating pattern, £10 here, £5 there and so on. I suspect if the OP added it up it would be quite a heafty amount that the CF friend has taken from her.

Oh my god it's the taxi woman!!! OP I'm sorry but you are being a complete mug - everyone told you last time to stop lending her money and I cannot for the life of me understand why on earth you still are?!

You can't just say she cab have the bag when she paid for it, as who knows how long she'll drag that out.
Well, if she really wants the bag she will pay.
But I agree, tell her that you need the money by x date (leaving yourself time to return the bag for a refund if necessary).

Definitely send it back!
Dont order anything further for her and if she asks you, say sorry you forgot to do it. After a few times, she will get the hint.

Defo return it she's a cheeky sod

You've posted about her before haven't you?

To be honest, you've only got yourself to blame because you're allowing her to continue this behaviour.

I would say to her you've been reviewing your own finances and decided you need to be careful with money as you have a goal (make one up, buying a horse, saving for a mega post covid holiday I don't know).

In regards to the bag today you've got to be honest and say to her it's ready when she's got the cash. You've got to stand firm otherwise quit moaning.

Tell her she can pick it up when she drops the money off. Do not give it to her until you’ve got the money. She’s walking all over you and if you want the friendship to have a chance of surviving and not turning to resentment, you need to put the boundary up now.

It is perfectly reasonable to get paid before you hand it over. If she won’t pay, she can’t have the bag.

I would, I’d say it’s not arrived sorry and you’re in touch with ASOS.

Then say they are refunding and she can order it herself

No because that would be cowardly as well as spiteful. Be straight up with her and tell her you need the money for it as it's arriving today and then she can have it or else you'll return it/save it for a stocking filler for someone.
Going forwards you need to learn to say 'no'.