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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell a lie to my friend?

248 replies

itsxmas · 12/11/2020 08:04

Two weeks ago my friend asked to borrow £20 till she got paid (on Monday )
Sunday night she text saying ASOS had a make up bag she wanted and it's £12 but they had 20% off so it was only £9.60 but the discount would end by the time she got paid the following day and would I order it and she would transfer it with the £20.
I said that's fine and ordered it.
Monday morning I woke up to a text
"Hi I've transferred the £20 I owe you but il sort the rest out the next time I see you as I get confused ha ha"
That's what she says when she isn't going to pay (she plays the confused card)
Seen her on Tuesday and she said
"Oh god I feel stupid saying this but I've just been to Asda and got too spendy and thought I was rich and now I've spent all my spare money am I ok to sort it out next month"
Obviously all I could say was yeah sure.
She won't,it will end up being a gift from me.
It's always the amounts under £10 she never pays.
I always think it's only £5 or it's only £4 but it all adds up.
Anyway the make up bag is due today.
Aibu to say the parcel didn't arrive and it must be missing then return it?Blush
I know that sounds sneaky and underhand but I'm sick of it.

OP posts:
LimpidPools · 12/11/2020 08:34

She isn't prioritising it though - she doesn't plan to pay for it, so she doesn't have to budget for it.

OP, stop being a mug. You have to learn to say no to her. And when you tell her that she has to pay for the make up bag or you'll send it back, be direct about it.
Don't ask her " Is that alright?" because she's just going to say no, isn't she?!

LEELULUMPKIN · 12/11/2020 08:35

People who do this are such cheeky fuckers.

I wouldn't even give it her as a Christmas present.

Just tell her it has arrived, if she wants it to collect with the cash today or else you are posting it back.

No need to lie, just be direct and honest.

People treat you how you allow them to treat you OP.

Time to put a stop to it.

CantStandMeow · 12/11/2020 08:35

@Derbee

Don’t lie. Just text her “your makeup bag arrived today. I know you said you’d spent all your money and couldn’t afford it now. Would you like me to send it back for you?”
I think this is the best option, if she wants it she can pay for it. If she can't afford it you can send it back. The third option of her not paying and getting it isn't mentioned.
Brefugee · 12/11/2020 08:35

Don't lie, don't make excuses.
Say "I'll send the make up bag back because i don't want it and you haven't paid me as you promised."

And you must have the difficult conversation either now to pre-empt all further requests for money "Don't ask me for money again, you never pay it back"

Or every time she asks you have to say "no, you never pay me back"

Or put up with it...

DM1209 · 12/11/2020 08:36

I would return it and then tell her why! I would hold no value for such a friend and would not be afraid to lose the relationship.

But I am a meanie and she may well be an important friend to you.
I wouldn't give it as a Christmas present and I'd keep asking for the money upfront.

You sound like a generous and kind friend, she sounds like a leech. Not a good combination.

Make her pay for it.

GenevaL · 12/11/2020 08:36

She’s taking the absolute piss. I wouldn’t dream of asking friends to buy things like makeup bags for me and then pretend to be too confused / skint to pay so they end up lumbered with the cost. Cancel the order or return it. Tell her you dont like this habit she’s forming of getting you to pay for her shopping and since she made it clear she wasn’t going to repay you for her purchase then it’s going back to the shop.

DolphinsAreEvil · 12/11/2020 08:36

If she has the money and won’t pay you back just send it back and don’t ever lend her money again.

Elvesinquarantine · 12/11/2020 08:37

Op you are enabling her behaviour.. And skinting yourself.
Tell her you actually like the bag so are just going to keep it!!
And send it back.

GenevaL · 12/11/2020 08:38

There needs to be no apologetic language from you (sorry but please could you pay / I’m afraid I’ll have to return it) either. ‘The bag has arrived. Can you pay me for it or I’ll post it back.’

PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2020 08:38

But I am a meanie and she may well be an important friend to you.

If she is an important friend, it’s more important to sort this out now before it ruins their friendship. It’s not mean to not be taken advantage of. It isn’t like she’s struggling to pay her rent and has borrowed money to stop an eviction. It’s a make up bag.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 12/11/2020 08:38

Send the bag back.

Send her a message that clearly states your position, stop faffing. You see her as a good friend you don't want to upset, she sees you as someone she can manipulate. That might be the closest to a friend she can cope with!

X, I've sent the bag back, it was the last straw. I hate to think how much money , how many small gifts, you have taken from me over the years and it has to stop.

I have my own responsibilities [kids, bills, mortgage, rent whatever] and I can't keep spending money meant for them on fripperies for you!

Yours,

Then leave her to it. You won't have lost much, you never know she might come to her senses, though I doubt it!

Tiktaktoe · 12/11/2020 08:39

You know what's she's like but you keep buying her things. The problem here is you.

PiperPiper20 · 12/11/2020 08:40

Did you post about the taxi? I think j remember that.

Stop bloody lending to her! Tell her you're skint and in your overdraft and can't afford it.

DeciduousPerennial · 12/11/2020 08:41

Say nothing about it being delivered. When she asks if it’s turned up tell her “the makeup bag? Oh, I returned that because you didn’t send the money over for it.”

No doubt she’ll get her nose out of joint and there will be a bit of a falling out over it where you’ll have to point out that she does this all the time but you’re not putting up with it any more.

Job done.

TatianaBis · 12/11/2020 08:41

Lies are always obvious. Why put yourself in the wrong when you are in the right?

Just tell her you’re returning the bag as she can’t pay for it. And that you won’t lend her any more money as it’s too much hassle.

pickingdaisies · 12/11/2020 08:44

Don't ask her if you should send it back. That just gives her wiggle room to wheedle round you.
TELL her you're sending it back in two days time. That gives her two days to come up with the money for it. Cash only, OP!!

Calmandmeasured1 · 12/11/2020 08:44

Oh god I feel stupid saying this but I've just been to Asda and got too spendy and thought I was rich and now I've spent all my spare money am I ok to sort it out next month"
Obviously all I could say was yeah sure.
Nothing obvious about it. When she asked if she could sort it out next month, you could have said no. You cannot blame her behaviour when you are not setting boundaries.

Anyway the make up bag is due today.
Aibu to say the parcel didn't arrive and it must be missing then return it?
Why be a liar? Just text her that you've thought about it since and aren't happy to be out of pocket so will return it unless she transfers the money today. If she doesn't pay today then return it.

If she gets upset by this just text her (may be easier for you than to do in person) that there have been so many times she has not paid you back for things and you want it to stop.

Don't feel bad about it. She needs to know you are sick of it. Only you can stop her from using you in this way.

ChasingRainbows19 · 12/11/2020 08:47

I wouldn’t lie, it’s not going to help her behaviour. I would say tell her the make up bag has arrived but if she didn’t send the cash she wouldn’t get it.
It’s not a one off, she sounds like a pain. It’s only small amounts but it’s the not paying it back which annoys me. My sister was the same and I badgered her for it back. She never asks now.

pickingdaisies · 12/11/2020 08:48

Also, OP, you are already lying to her, and to yourself, every time you tell her you don't mind lending her money, that it's only this one more time.
Stop kidding yourself. You do mind, and it's time she knows.

38weekswithno2 · 12/11/2020 08:49

I'd tell her you're going to return it if she can't pay for it as you need the money.
She's a cheeky fucker.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 12/11/2020 08:50

My best friend could be a bit like this. She nearly always paid me back but it could be months and months.
Final straw was when she owed me £300 and it was getting onto 4 months later and she used the money to buy a puppy!
I went apeshit and said she obviously had no respect for me and hung up.
The money was transferred over with in the week and I got a huge apology.

I've not lent her anything since despite a few hints and we have rebuilt the friendship with much stronger boundaries.

It's really hard to stand up for yourself with someone you consider a close friend but its really important

Thehop · 12/11/2020 08:54

“I can’t afford this bag, have you got the money or am I returning it? “

This person had taken you for a mug for years. Please please put a atop to it.

DreadingSeason2020sFinale · 12/11/2020 08:56

It's shocking that she is clearly lying about not having the money but is treating OP like an idiot, expecting her to believe her. That sheer disrespect alone would give me the rage. She gets paid monthly, got paid on a Monday and had spent all of her wages, not even leaving a tenner in her account, by the Tuesday? Bullshit. I'm afraid I would be be telling her I'd sent it back and why. Hey, you're doing it for her own good! She can't even keep £10 back two days after payday? She clearly needs to rein in her spending.

Get her bloody told OP!

pippapoo62 · 12/11/2020 08:57

Is this the lady who asked you to pick up some expensive pyjamas and would pay you later,have you not learnt that she is a user

Twinklestarrynight · 12/11/2020 08:57

You need to stop enabling her. She sounds like a terrible friend tbh, learn to say no! She should be embarrassed not you.

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