What made you go back to work after maternity leave?

[Izzysays]

I had our first baby 8 months ago.

I’m due back to work at the end of March.

My employer has approved 3 days 9-5
and I’ve arranged a nursery place for my son.

I’ve been undecided about whether I want to go back but a lot of people I’ve spoken to have said that towards the end of my mat leave I will be ready to return.

The thing is, I don’t feel that way, it’s getting harder the thought of leaving my son, not easier.

Due to the pandemic I’ve never had any time away from my son.
Firstly I haven’t felt ready to leave him, but secondly the only people we could’ve left him with would’ve been our parents all who work in high risk jobs (in terms of Covid) so we made the decision that we would distance.

We’ve been in a tier 3 area even since the first lockdown ended and have never been able to mix households so this made it harder for us to mix anyway.

I think this is making it harder for me to imagine leaving him to go to work.
I get so upset to the point of tears every time I think about it.

I really want him to go to a nursery as I think it’s important for him to mix with other children from an early age so either way I would be sending him at least one day per week.

I don’t particularly like my job. I like the people. I’ve been there for 8 years so it feels easier to go back there than find a new job, but I wouldn’t say it’s a career, I don’t feel like there’s any progression or anything new to learn.

I just don’t know why I’m going back.
Financially it wouldn’t make much of a difference to us.

My mat pay will end next month and when I go back to work, we will be in the same financial position we would be in if I was out of work with no pay (due to child care costs)

We have savings and my husband is a high earner so we could afford for me to be off for a year maybe two.

Part of me feels like I should go back to work, maintain some independence, pay into my pension etc.
But the other part of me hates the thought of missing out on spending those three days with my son.

When I ask my husband what he thinks I should do, he says it’s up to me.

I feel like it’s such a hard decision and there’s no real deciding factor.
There’s no incentive with money and I’m not in a job I love (as explained above)

I know from reading other similar posts on MN sahm’s seem to get a disapproval, told that their husbands could leave and they would have nothing etc.
But I can’t base my decision on something which might never happen.

What made you go back to work after maternity?

DD has been in childcare full time since she was 9 months old. It broke my heart at first but she and I both love it. My reasons:

1. Financial- we could just about manage without my wage but would need to downsize our lovely house, cut out luxuries and have no savings.
2. I don’t have the patience or skills to give DD everything she gets from a nursery/childminder setting - they meet other kids, do crafts, play, go on outings etc. I think I would have good intentions but she would end up in front of the TV while I cleaned the house.
3. I like my job, it mentally stimulates me, I get time with other adults.

If none of those apply to you then by all means be a sahm and enjoy your time with your child. Go to toddler groups, meet up with other parent friends and try to get your child to form friendships that way.

Obviously everyone’s reasons are different, and some of my reasons won’t apply to you, but here are my reasons anyway:

1. Money. We didn’t ‘need’ the money to make ends meet but I like a better standard of living than just keeping our heads above water - holidays, days out, nice things. I grew up in a one income household and we were quite poor - not in poverty, but always scrimping and saving and penny pinching on everything. It really wasn’t fun and I didn’t want that for my child.

1. Related to money, but my pension. My employer matches our contributions up to 5%. So even if everything I earned went on nursery (it doesn’t, my salary is more than the nursery fees) I’d still be making a profit with my pension.

1. The current state of the job market. Covid plus no deal Brexit. My husband’s industry is a little volatile and I could see him being made redundant in a severe recession. We could keep our heads above water on one salary - but not on no salaries!! I could also see me being made redundant and I want to earn money while I can. For this reason I’ve gone back full time.

1. I found a really lovely nursery and I genuinely wanted my son to go there. I’m still so happy with it and think he gets so much out of it.

1. I’ve worked very hard to get where I am and it’s very very difficult to take an extended career break in my industry because it’s ever-changing. You can’t break back in again.

1. As another poster mentioned, it’s far easier (at least in my industry) to ask for flexibility in your current job than find a PT job advertised. PT jobs are almost never advertised.

I also realised I can’t undo resigning from my job. But I’m free to do it at any time. So I told myself just to try going back to work for one month and if I found it unbearable I could resign.

Anyway, those were my reasons. I’m not going to pretend it has been easy. I feel a lot of conflict. There have been many days when I’ve dropped my son off at nursery and cried just because I miss him so much. But overall I’m happy with my decision. I hope you can reach a decision you are happy with too.

I wanted more children, ultimately, and wanted to receive maternity pay for when I had them. (I'm pregnant with my second child now and my son is 4 so this was perhaps a less pressing consideration. Friends did advise me when I was on mat leave to go back full time and get pregnant again if I wanted two close together.)

I forgot to mention this - this was a major consideration for me.

My sanity! Haha.
I felt so lonely during Mat leave. I went to several play groups during the week but it wasn't enough for me. I went back when my child was 7months. I craved adult interaction.
I was in a job I hated though, that paid peanuts but it helped me find myself again.

Ultimately, only you can make that decision. X

Very simple: financial security and financial independence.
It is lovely you can afford to stay home for 2 years, are you confident you will have a job after 2 years off?
Are you 100% sure your DH will pay for all your expenses independently no matter what?

1. I enjoy working. I don't love love love my job, but I feel stimulated and fulfilled by working.

1. Money. We could survive on DH's salary alone but our whole lifestyle (mortgage etc) is built around what we earn as a couple. We could change things to make it work, but given that I want to work anyway we don't need to.

1. Long-term financial security. Having a pension and an option if DH isn't around any more (for whatever reason, god forbid). Also, being able to look forward to a future in which we are very comfortable financially.

1. Keeping my career going. In my industry, it is tough to get back into work after a long career break, and would almost always involve taking a pretty significant step down in terms of earnings and seniority. A time will come when I don't have children at home and I will want / need to be working - I don't want to be in a position where my only options are relatively low-skill and thus low-wage jobs. Also, I always remember reading a post on MN in which the poster said that her kids didn't really remember her being at home with them when they were little, but they did remember (and were distressed by) the fact that they struggled financially when they were teenagers because the mum had not been able to get back into work.

1. Having a shared life and shared experience with my partner. This one is tough to explain, because I am describing my choices and don't want to imply that I am criticising the choices of others. Some couples lead very different lives from each other or have had very different experiences - for example if they have a big age gap, or have very different interests. Part of the bond between DH and I is the fact that our lives are "shared" - we are almost exactly the same age, we have a lot of the same interests, and we enjoy doing things together. So we both want our experience of adult life / parenthood to be similar as well. Both of us work, and both of us care for the children - our lives have not diverged since we had children.

I wanted to go back. So I did.

I went back 2 days per week when my eldest was 3. I hated it, if I could afford to stay off I would. I'm not going to work anymore then 2 days until both of my children are in school full time and then if i do work more it will be around school hours. Being there and raising them is more important to me

Should add, I also think that nursery has been a brilliant start for both my DC! They have experiences there (mostly from the interaction with loads of other kids their age) which they just could not have with me at home.

Oh and I was about 8/12 weeks pregnant again when I went back to work. Haha

I enjoy my career and it was lovely to have time to myself again. If you haven't been away at all during your mat leave, you may not realise how amazing it is and how refreshed you feel by a day using your brain again and talking to other people and being able to eat your lunch in peace. It allowed me to have the best of both worlds, lovely quality time with the dc (I also started back 3 days a week and then 4 days a week, ft compressed hours), but also to have my own life again too. Plus the financial security is a huge bonus. I suppose we would not have been made homeless with only one of us working, but it's really nice to not have to think about money that way we would if we didn't have two incomes.

I felt exactly the same, literally cried as had a lovely year at home but couldn't be without a job. My first day back i was buzzing, took me by complete surprise, and did 3 days to like you, I went full time again a few years later as ended up single so thank god I kept the job.

My brain was starting to atrophy. I was back at work as soon as I got back into shape and found a nanny who didn't mind putting the washing out on the line and throwing the vacuum round. Same with the other two. Had to be done.

I hate my job and always have. I'm going back in January though as we need the money. My baby will be 7 months old and I'm really dreading it.
He's quite clingy but then he's not really used to new people as we haven't been able to do any groups or see family much (and not at all now). When lockdown ends we'll probably be in tier 3 as it was on the cards just before lockdown.
I am battling depression and the thought of returning to work makes it worse (my company are also crap at communication so haven't responded to my emails about giving written confirmation regarding my return to work).
Not a popular opinion on here but if I didn't need the money I'd stay at home until my baby was at least a year old maybe more like 18 months. The early years are so precious and I don't want to miss out on them.

I went back for many reasons.

1. Mental health.
2. Adult conversation
3. Pay and ability to stay in the job market for when DD grew up
4. My pension.
5. DD to mix with others
6. To try and get some balance. Life for me isn't all or one thing and nothing of the other.
7. To regain being me, Not just being DD s mum.

Never regretted it. Well-rounded parents, mostly, equalling mostly, well rounded child.

However, only you know what's right for you. I couldn't have done being a SAHM, but each to their own.

I wanted to pay the mortgage off faster.

I knew she would love nursery so I wanted to put her in for that reason.

If she was going to nursery I might as well work.

Wanted to slip into familiar work rather than a "new challenge"

Hoped that with nursery we/I would get some childfree days off.

That's really it. Its far rather be at home and meeting other mums and doing playdates.

With covid it's nice to know she can still see other children regularly, even during this lockdown.

That's really it. Don't be hard on yourself going back, a lot of people dread it. A lot of people struggle for MONTHS getting back into it.

Some people only go back to get maternity for the next one.

1. With my first mat leave I loved my job (really key I think)

1. I don’t have any friends who were SAHM. Meaning I would have been very lonely when all my NCT group went back to work after mat leave. I’m on my second mat leave and I am very lonely. All the fitness live miles away and all my other mum fitness are at work.

1. I’m the main breadwinner so couldn’t afford to be a SAHM.

1. I had a high needs child who refused to nap during the day and needed to be constantly stimulated. As a consequence she loved nursery as it was super stimulating.

I would be very hesitant about becoming a SAHM at the moment unless you have a lot of savings. We are about to enter recession and 100,000’s people are losing their jobs. If you DH gets redundant then your income reduces to zero overnight. If you go back to work at least you still have some income coming in.

I went back for financial reasons but also to ensure I was financially independent at least to some extent. Going back part time is a good compromise as you will still have lots of time together. My part time hours enabled me to then split my hours over 4-5 days once DS started school so I could drop him off and pick him up. I was in position when better paid jobs came up and I was ready to go back full time. Looking back it was the right thing to do but I felt like you and could have happily stayed home. In an ideal world I would have stayed off unpaid for another year and then gone back/put him in nursery but that wasn’t an option. As it was he went to nursery at 11 months and was of course fine.

Its such a personal decision. I left my job, had a baby and then went back to work when baby was 22 months. I felt ready to go back at 18 months but had difficulty finding the flexibility I needed with PT work.

For baby no. 2 I hope to go back after 5 months, purely as my job is at risk if I don't (i know this is illegal, but its reality).

We can manage on my husbands income but are both high earners and have high outgoings. My working will enable us to buy a bigger house, go on more holidays etc. Plus I want to work; I'm in a trained profession and don't want to lose my skill set/employability.

I think it also depends on your expectations/ 'norms'. My mum worked, almost all the mothers I know work, so I guess I never thought that seriously about not working. In fact I initially assumed I'd always work full-time, and that's what I did when I originally went back; I subsequently dropped to four days (but it's compressed hours, so I do 4.5 days of hours). I find it hard to relate to posts about working two or three days a week meaning missing 'so much' as to me spending four or five days a week at home seems a lot! We each work four days so DS is at home with one or both of us for four out of seven days a week, and I can honestly say I feel no guilt or feeling of missing out (I did a bit when I worked five days). But I'm not trying to say that other women shouldn't feel like that, just that I do think it depends what you see as 'normal' and 'right' - I've never had a sense that I 'should' be at home full-time and that not doing so is somehow disadvantaging my child.

1. Money. We would struggle to pay the mortgage and bills on just DH’s salary.
2. Future money - my pension; knowing that nursery costs would drop with the 30 funded hours; maternity leave for potential DC2.
3. Career. I don’t have a high-flying career, but I enjoy my job and it’s family-friendly (public sector). I also knew it would be hard to get back into work after a few years out. Agree with the point that it’s easier to get flexible conditions in an existing job than finding a new job that will be flexible. For example, I went back part-time (four days), and when DD started school I was able to change my hours to five shorter days so I didn’t have to use after school club every day.
4. Being me again instead of mum - doing something different, having conversations that didn’t revolve around baby stuff, an uninterrupted cup of tea, a break from tantrums!
5. Equality - I feel my relationship with DH is more equal with us both working and sharing childcare, and we experience parenting the same way, as a PP says.

Those first days in nursery are tough on parents, of course, but it was worth it.

I like my work.

I needed time to myself and intellectual stimulation.

I was isolated and bored on mat leave.

We improved our financial situation with both of us working.

We have insurance against one of us having a tough patch career wise with two jobs.

I want a good pension.

I wanted us to stay on an even keel power wise and have an equal dynamic. When you become a SAHM you literally make it your job to enable others and your power in the relationship dwindles. I didn't want that. I wanted our jobs, careers and hobbies to have equal value and respect, always.

My mat pay will end next month and when I go back to work, we will be in the same financial position we would be in if I was out of work with no pay (due to child care costs)

Respectfully, OP, this isn’t true.

When you return to work, your employer will be paying into your pension on your behalf. You won’t see the money for a long time, sure, but it will put you in a better position in the long run.

You will also be paying NI contributions. You need a certain number of years of payment of NI contributions for your state pension (can’t remember how many). Again, in the long run, you will be better off.

Also, you will be building your career and job experience which will lead to better pay and prospects. You will need that in the future.

In the long term, you will be much better off if you return to work.

I'm just going back now like you 3 days but my hours are a bit longer. Lovely nursery near my house and job I like.
My baby has just turned 1 and I'm a bit sad cause he has more of his personality is coming through but I'm also a little bored as we are at a very repetitive stage of naming all the shapes and animals and reading one book all day long.
Impelling the urge to exercise my brain and get on with my career and training. I think 3 days a week is a nice balance.
If I hated my job and it wasn't a career I may make a different choice but I would use some of the time with child to retrain or get additional skills in a different area say when child is 4ish.
My baby loves nursery he plays with older kids (tbf they probably play with him) they are doing crafts and climbing and cooking and he's learnt so much in a month like how toget down a step properly.

What ever choice you make is doable and not permanent you can go back k towork and you can also give up work

I stayed at home for 2 years (the plan was I'd stay at home until he started school). The first year was easy, I had new friends I'd met at antenatal classes and we lived in each others' pockets. After 18 months they'd all returned to work, I started to feel isolated, we'd gone down to sharing a car so we could afford for me to stay at home. DS was older and more demanding of my interaction with repetitive games and the same old toys, my brain felt like it was starting to decompose!

I went back 3 morning a week mainly to pay to run a second car so I could at least get out and about with DS on my days off, but also for the adult company and conversation.