What made you go back to work after maternity leave?

[Izzysays]

I had our first baby 8 months ago.

I’m due back to work at the end of March.

My employer has approved 3 days 9-5
and I’ve arranged a nursery place for my son.

I’ve been undecided about whether I want to go back but a lot of people I’ve spoken to have said that towards the end of my mat leave I will be ready to return.

The thing is, I don’t feel that way, it’s getting harder the thought of leaving my son, not easier.

Due to the pandemic I’ve never had any time away from my son.
Firstly I haven’t felt ready to leave him, but secondly the only people we could’ve left him with would’ve been our parents all who work in high risk jobs (in terms of Covid) so we made the decision that we would distance.

We’ve been in a tier 3 area even since the first lockdown ended and have never been able to mix households so this made it harder for us to mix anyway.

I think this is making it harder for me to imagine leaving him to go to work.
I get so upset to the point of tears every time I think about it.

I really want him to go to a nursery as I think it’s important for him to mix with other children from an early age so either way I would be sending him at least one day per week.

I don’t particularly like my job. I like the people. I’ve been there for 8 years so it feels easier to go back there than find a new job, but I wouldn’t say it’s a career, I don’t feel like there’s any progression or anything new to learn.

I just don’t know why I’m going back.
Financially it wouldn’t make much of a difference to us.

My mat pay will end next month and when I go back to work, we will be in the same financial position we would be in if I was out of work with no pay (due to child care costs)

We have savings and my husband is a high earner so we could afford for me to be off for a year maybe two.

Part of me feels like I should go back to work, maintain some independence, pay into my pension etc.
But the other part of me hates the thought of missing out on spending those three days with my son.

When I ask my husband what he thinks I should do, he says it’s up to me.

I feel like it’s such a hard decision and there’s no real deciding factor.
There’s no incentive with money and I’m not in a job I love (as explained above)

I know from reading other similar posts on MN sahm’s seem to get a disapproval, told that their husbands could leave and they would have nothing etc.
But I can’t base my decision on something which might never happen.

What made you go back to work after maternity?

I liked my job.

My childminder did different things with my son than I enjoyed to do - she did a lot more arts and crafts than I did and he benefited from this. I liked that my son had the chance to interact with other children.

I didn't want to be dependant on my husband.

I wanted to be able to talk to my husband about things other than our child. I wanted to see my work friends and interact with other adults.

I went to university and did postgraduate training for my job, and I didn't want to give that up.

I wanted more children, ultimately, and wanted to receive maternity pay for when I had them. (I'm pregnant with my second child now and my son is 4 so this was perhaps a less pressing consideration. Friends did advise me when I was on mat leave to go back full time and get pregnant again if I wanted two close together.)

I wanted my son to benefit from the things I could give him by working - being a calmer and more present parent as well as material things like holidays and nice toys.

I wanted a pension for when I retired.

I wanted an identity outside of being a mother.

I didn't want to worry if my husband left me or was made redundant or became ill and couldn't work.

I went back for:

1. Independence
2. Money
3. Set an example to my children

I would probably love to be a lady the lunched and spent all day swanning around, but realistically I earn the same as my OH

As I stayed working I have been able to progress and now am the main breadwinner in our house which is so important with the Covid and current unemployment in this country

I actually enjoy my job and now the children are at school it's nice to have a career rather that a crap job I have to take.

With my job we can pay for holidays, and nice presents for the kids, days out and meals etc it makes a big difference to our life.

I also have my own pension and am financially independent. I stay with my husband because I want to, not because I have too

I went back because I knew I wanted more kids and wanted to get a paid maternity leave. Also my son thrived at daycare and happily played with his little friends all day. It was a win for both of us. I decided not to go back 5 years later after my 3rd child as I realised juggling a career and school-aged children + a clingy baby was much harder and I was miserable. I didn't think it was fair to leave my kids at school for 8+ hours (early morning club + after school club). It was too long of a day for them and they were exhausted. I was exhausted too. Much different than when they were at childcare as toddlers and had nap time and quiet down time. By this point my husband made 3x my salary so we were able to take the financial hit of losing my income (not that we were left with much after paying for daycare + before and after clubs). Anyways go with your gut and embrace whatever choice you make but also know that nothing is set in stone and you can always change your mind later. The easier choice would be to try working 3 days for a few months and see if you all settle into a comfortable routine. But if you come to realise it's not working well then you have your answer.

I've got an 8 month old and I'm also due back to work in March. I'm returning to work four full days a week. My partner is a high earner and we could easily manage on just his wage but I feel it's important to return back to work and remain financially independent. I don't love my job either but it's a nice place to work and the pay is good. My baby hasn't had much social interaction due to the pandemic and so I feel it's even more important that he goes to nursery for his development and to interact with other little ones. As hard as it will be to leave him when I've been used to being with him all the time, I personally feel it's in his best interest.

In order of importance:
To pay the mortgage
To get my pension contributions
To keep developing my career

I would have loved to do part time but couldn't afford it. I did compressed hours which made it a bit less painful.

Several reasons for me:

1. Need to pay the mortgage. Couldnt do it on DH salary alone.
2. Super important to me that my son understands that both parents work and mums dont just stay at home.
3. I'm not cut out to be a sahm. I enjoyed my time with him but was very keen to get back to work towards the end.
4. I wanted to change career so needed to ger back to work and start to make that happen. I managed it a year after being back.
5. I want to build up my pension and earn my own money. I dont think DH and I will ever split up (does anyone?!) but it still remains prudent to ensure I am financially independent and able to cope were I to become a single parent.

Literally in that order.

I'm NHS. The deal there is that if you don't go back you have to repay your maternity pay. If not for that fact I would definitely have become a SAHM. I hate being away from DS and hate how disruptive shift work is in terms of bedtime routine etc.
The one positive is that DH gets to spend more time with DS, which has been really good for their bond.

I found it hard the thought of leaving my child and juggling work/ life after both my mat leaves.

I love my job and worked really hard to get where I am. If I gave it up the opportunity may not present itself again.

I take a fair amount of self worth from my job and role-playing that's my view of myself, not my view of others. I don't get the same from motherhood. I get different parts of my identify from that.

I still have 30 years left to work and feel I'm still relatively early in my career. I've got so much I want to do.

The job allowed my flexibility and pt role at the same level

My partner was supportive

Long term security - pension.

Money - i had enough savings for the year and we could manage on one job but it would be tight and I felt a bit panicky with my savings and safety net dwindling down

I will also say my 2nd mat leave was different to my first. 2nd time round I didn't gave the same group of friends with baby doing things at the same time. I had a toddler to entertain. It was harder work and I was lonlier than mat leave 1.

My youngest will be in school next year. I'm not sure how I would feel about restarting work after a break of 7ish years had I not gone back. Nervous I imagine and I would have serious retraining to do.

I found the idea of returning to work really daunting after maternity. But when u returned it wasn't as bad as I thought It would be.

However after my first baby I changed jobs. I went from a reasonably well paid, skilled job working different shifts. To a national minimum wage that I absolutely love, that is only out of hours so my husband and I work opposite shifts.

I actually went back earlier than I needed to with my second. My mental health was starting to suffer, and although I didn't reallu want to go back to work, I knew I needed to get out the house without the children and do something mentally challenging. It was absolutely the right decision.

I also like having my own money that I have earned myself and the sense of independence it gives me.

I didn't want any unnecessary gaps in my employment history. I wouldn't want the stress of trying to find employment after a long time out of a workplace. Especially with how much more competitive the job market is going to be for a long time.

Honestly, I love my children. But my mind boggles at how boring it can be sometimes.

Mainly to maintain equality within our relationship and to avoid fostering any feelings of resentment.

We didn't want to put all the responsibility and pressure and stress on one person to bear the financial brunt of providing for the family. It's just not fair.

If there is a huge discrepancy in your DH and your income then appreciate it's a bit different but lots of women earn more than men these days or at least draw a similar income to their partner

I enjoyed maternity leave, however...

I enjoy my work

I don't like being totally financially dependent on anyone else.

It can make you vulnerable and cause resentment

I want my DC to see that I work and financially contribute to our household

I would go crazy at home with a baby everyday and no or limited adult company

I totally understand how you feel. I think everyone feels the same about going back to work and leaving their babies after so long joined at the hip.
I went back after 14 months with both of mine. My first, I couldn’t eat all day. I cried on the way home at the thought of seeing my son again. But, he was absolutely fine,and work was fine. We both settled into the new routine. Your lo will get so much from nursery and make lots of new friends. You will have time to be an adult again and talk about other things than babies. Plus the money and pension- you get 30 hours childcare when they turn 3 so nursery fees don’t last very long.

Believe it or not, one day you will be skipping off to work. Toddlers and preschoolers can be hard work !

You are very fortunate to have a job and they have offered you part time. You still get 4 days with your baby! It may not be so easy to get back in the workplace after time out. Think about what would happen if you have anymore children- you would be out even longer. It does get very boring being at home all the time.

I would say even though you don’t need to go back it the benefits outweigh not going back.

Personally in your shoes I wouldn't consider putting in nursery for just one day, even if you decide not to go back to work. It's really not long enough (especially in the early days) for them to form a proper attachment/routine with the nursery staff and other children and therefore less likely they'll settle. I had a friend who sent their DC to nursery 1 day a week from a year old and she ended up pulling them out after a couple of months because they were so upset there and she often had to go and collect early as they wouldn't eat/sleep etc and became increasingly distressed.

For me, DS has been full time at nursery since he was 8 months and at almost 2 he loves the place now, cries on a weekend when he can't go and runs in the door on a morning. He's really close to his key worker and has started to make friends in his room. Given he'll be an only child and we don't have any family with children his age, him having the chance to build those relationships is really important to us.

It wasn't the only factor in our decision though, I have a higher paying job and we needed the income of me going back to work to maintain our lifestyle. My career is also important to me and I didn't want to be consigned to minimum wage/admin jobs after an extended period of leave, which so often seems to happen. The industry I'm in is quite specialist and requires you to keep your knowledge up to date, so a few years out would have definitely been career suicide for me.

Maybe it'd be worth trying the new routine and going back part time to see how you feel? If you know you could manage financially either way, there's no pressure if you don't like it, but you might find you enjoy the balance more than you expect 🤷🏼‍♀️

Love my job
Knew my employer would be supportive and flexible (important)
Money - now and in future
Felt it was a way I could contribute more to society (that's just me, no comment on sahms)
Had great childminder who was like a second mum
I got sick of tidying up the house all the time and other domestic tasks
Only had to work 3 days so plenty of time with children

1.i love my job
2.i love earning money and wouldn't want to earn less. I have gone back full time, i don't plan to ever reduce hours.

1. I personally couldn't cope with being with my dd 24/7 , fair play to women who do, bht i love the break from being mum that work gives me.
2. I get to just be me at work, not 'mum'
3. I think it is short sighted to give up earnings, pension contributions and financial independence.

Hi OP

My advice would be go back to work. Purely because once you're out of work its much harder to get back into it, but you can always decide to quit work with one months notice.

Your son doesnt need any socialisation at the moment so don't worry about that. You do though. Staying at home with an older baby is fun (not in a pandemic I appreciate), you can meet other mums, do classes etc, they are portable so you can do some things for you. Staying at home with an energetic whining tantrumming toddler, when your mum friends are mostly back at work, is not the same thing at all.

I personally went back to work, because I had to. But I didnt realise how I felt like my old self after I went back to work, I just felt a lot more like 'me' again and I'd got my identity back outside being just a mum. I think 3 days is a nice compromise as well (my company say 4 days at a minimum and my day off is always a bit hectic) as he will be still with you most of the time.

I'd also say that time flies, in no time (unless your partner is a high earner) he will have 30 free hours and then you will have a lot more free time and might regret giving up a job as it can be very hard to find a part time job as a new employee.

There isnt a 'right's decision though - there are positives and negatives to going to work and staying at home. Eg

Going to work -
Child has better immune system by the time they go to school
Children are a bit more independent and advanced when they go to school and it's an easier transition
Pension, career progression, inflationary wage increases etc...even with nursery costs most people are better off financially in the long run because when they do have to go back to work they aren't starting again
Children do get things out of nursery eg friends, new skills, messy play etc equipment that you dont have at home
I think it's good for children to see their mother working outside the home and (others will disagree on this)
When your child is going through a tough phase eg whining and tantrums etc its actually nice to have a break from them
If you want a second child you get paid maternity leave

Staying at home -
It's a lot less hectic, you're not clock watching for pick up times etc
Not having to take time off work when they are ill or having to send them back in when they are not feeling their best
Spending more time with your children when they are very little
Having more control over their activities, who they see, what they eat etc...eg if you are into outdoor activities you can tailor your childs activities to this
Less guilt

Everyone feels like absolute shit when they leave their child at nursery for the first time, and its heartbreaking when they are crying for you. The guilt is crushing. And it's a PITA for the first few months when they are constantly off sick the first few months...but then suddenly it's a year later and your little one is excited about going into nursery and you're all in a nice routine.

My last bit of advice (sorry!) is that if you do go back, you really need an engaged and committed partner to make it work. Someone to share half the pick ups and drop offs and take half the emergency days for looking after sick children etc and half the mental load of sorting out uniform, lunches, mental load etc etc.

I'd say go for it, give it a few months and then see how it goes and if you hate it after 6 months then you can leave

I needed the money and I needed the break. Work has changed for me since going back after having a baby. It's no longer work. I get a hot cuppa and a trip to the loo and conversation with other adults! I actually feel like a better mum for it, as I have so much more patience on my days off.

I feel you OP. Will be going back in January after 13 months off and I’m dreading it. It’s easy work (not my dream job though), really good money but I’d rather be at home with DD. Unfortunately I have to go back because DH is in the aviation industry and things have been tough for him this year and those bills don’t pay themselves so my income will really help us. I’ve also always wanted to send my DC to private school so every penny helps towards that. I’m doing 9-4, 4 days a week.

DD has just started nursery and it’s going well, which has been so important because it’s going to make going back easier. It’s going to be so good for her to be with other people and children because she’s missed out on so much social interaction because of COVID restrictions.

I'm going back in Jan, 4 days a week. DS will be 16 months so I've had an extended maternity leave. Since Sept, DS has also been in nursery a couple of days a week so I've been able to have a long transition period which has helped. We don't necessarily need my income but, honestly, I want my own money (plus pension etc). I'd rather not be working but I do enjoy my job when I'm doing it and I would rather have nice holidays and buy whatever I want without worrying. Either way, nursery is great for DS so he'd be going so I might as well use the time to work rather than sit around watching Netflix which is what I'm currently doing (in my defence, I'm also studying for a masters and had exams last week!)

Needing an income. Wanting to do my job. Not wanting to be a sahm. I struggled the first time I left any of them in childcare, of course I did, it is hard to go from being with a baby 24/7 to returning to work, but within a couple of days I was really glad I had, every time.

I never went back, was a professional with additional training and still an incredibly poorly paid job.
For the hours I wanted to go back (three days 9-3/4) I would have made ‘profit’ of £11 a day.

I chose to stay at home and I’m surprised at how much judgement I get for it. I’m pregnant again so worked in our favour a bit, so far wouldn’t change it for anything.
Currently looking at a five year plan for future training and work.

1 - because a baby and a toddler are two very different beings- baby year was lovely, 1-2 yrs old is so draining that a commute and some adult convo is a relief

2- because I’m aware I will need work flexibility Far more once my children are at school - pay my dues jow

Even though I’m bored in my job I really like the people I work with and I’d get bored as a SAHM so for me it was that. Plus financial I guess as I do earn a good wage. Plus with my job, it’s the type I really need to keep my hand in if I want to return to my profession properly at a later date.

Last time I did 28 hours over 4 days finishing at 330 each day but this time I’m going to try to get them to agree I can do my hours over 3 days a week. DH then has Friday afternoons off meaning we’d only have to pay for nursery 2.5 days a week (still 19k a year where we are - not Uk!) but not yet sure if they’ll agree to 3 long days

Purely money at first and now I work in a sector and company I'm really passionate about. This is the first time I've felt "career minded" but I'm enjoying it.

Would feel very differently though if it wasnt for that and if my jobs hadn't been very flexible and would have stayed at home and sent dp out to work instead.

I loved my job and although I love being a mum
I really didn't enjoy maternity leave. It was very lovely and isolating.
Going back to work made me a much better parent.