What made you go back to work after maternity leave?

[Izzysays]

I had our first baby 8 months ago.

I’m due back to work at the end of March.

My employer has approved 3 days 9-5
and I’ve arranged a nursery place for my son.

I’ve been undecided about whether I want to go back but a lot of people I’ve spoken to have said that towards the end of my mat leave I will be ready to return.

The thing is, I don’t feel that way, it’s getting harder the thought of leaving my son, not easier.

Due to the pandemic I’ve never had any time away from my son.
Firstly I haven’t felt ready to leave him, but secondly the only people we could’ve left him with would’ve been our parents all who work in high risk jobs (in terms of Covid) so we made the decision that we would distance.

We’ve been in a tier 3 area even since the first lockdown ended and have never been able to mix households so this made it harder for us to mix anyway.

I think this is making it harder for me to imagine leaving him to go to work.
I get so upset to the point of tears every time I think about it.

I really want him to go to a nursery as I think it’s important for him to mix with other children from an early age so either way I would be sending him at least one day per week.

I don’t particularly like my job. I like the people. I’ve been there for 8 years so it feels easier to go back there than find a new job, but I wouldn’t say it’s a career, I don’t feel like there’s any progression or anything new to learn.

I just don’t know why I’m going back.
Financially it wouldn’t make much of a difference to us.

My mat pay will end next month and when I go back to work, we will be in the same financial position we would be in if I was out of work with no pay (due to child care costs)

We have savings and my husband is a high earner so we could afford for me to be off for a year maybe two.

Part of me feels like I should go back to work, maintain some independence, pay into my pension etc.
But the other part of me hates the thought of missing out on spending those three days with my son.

When I ask my husband what he thinks I should do, he says it’s up to me.

I feel like it’s such a hard decision and there’s no real deciding factor.
There’s no incentive with money and I’m not in a job I love (as explained above)

I know from reading other similar posts on MN sahm’s seem to get a disapproval, told that their husbands could leave and they would have nothing etc.
But I can’t base my decision on something which might never happen.

What made you go back to work after maternity?

I think those that are secure in their choices don't tend to take it personally. I went back to work, I love working, DS loves nursery, for us it works and couldn't give two shits what anyone else thinks about that. Similarly if I wanted to stay at home and did so, no need to be offended by those who work saying why they chose to. The important thing is that it works for you and your family, the only time it's sad when someone is a SAHM or when they go to work is if it's not a choice they would make, but have to due to circumstance, which is the case for a lot.

I have a job I love which I think is crucial, also my salary 3 days a week is equivalent to a lot of full time salaries so financially made sense to go back even with nursery fees subtracted. If I was in your situation I probably wouldn't have to be honest. I do love the break and time away to be me and not mum!

Money

Money

When I had my first I wanted to go back and it was only 6 months then, but he was a really difficult baby. However, my original job didn't work out, but I ended up being a locum, which worked better.
With DS2 I also wanted to go back. After DC3 - I didn't! Too much on and not enough time.

I've done bits and pieces since.

1. Money
2. I love my job
3. I'd go insane without mental stimulation and adult company

I like feeling like myself, not just 'mummy'.

This for me too. Huge factor.

What made me go back? Money mostly.
Money and the sheer tedium of being at home with 2 children under 3 for 3 years. I loathed most of it.
And i live in a country where my DH could take as much of the parental leave as we wanted, so he took half the allowance for the 2nd DC. 18 months of it.

I couldn't wait to get back to a desk.

Take two years off. By the toddler age you will find that you are happier to leave him. They don't gain anything socially from nursery until 2 or 3 anyway.

I went back for the money and possibility of career progression.

I started working again, part time, when my baby was four months. I’m also studying for a doctorate.

I love the baby and I’m, somewhat against the odds, really enjoying being a mother, but bloody hell it was mentally unchallenging. I wanted to learn and work and be a better person for my baby to look up to. So I got back to it.

@Newmumatlast

1. I love my job (really key I think)

1. I have friends who were stay at home for a decade and found it really hard to enter the job market again when they were ready to. I worked so hard to get to where I am that I thought it would be silly to waste that

1. I wanted to set a good example to my daughter - I want her to know she can be a breadwinner and see it done

1. I think it is important to be my own person and not have motherhood as my entire identity. I absolutely love being a mum and throw myself into it but at the same time I've seen my own mum and friends lose their identity and become all consumed by their kids and it isn't healthy imo

1. Financially we are so so much better off with me working (also key)

1. I am in a very stable relationship but do not ever want to be wholly reliant on a man as I've seen it work negatively for a lot of women. Independence of some kind is so important

Your number 3 is so important. I wanted to show my daughter that women have a valid place in the workplace.

We couldn’t afford for me not to work. I do feel like I missed out on her being very young though, having gone back to work when she was on.y seven months old.

It’s a difficult and very personal decision. There’s no right or wrong.

Boredom
I want to be more than a mum
Money
Keep my brain going

At the time this wasn't a factor, but 2 years later, the fact that I went back to work (3 days) meant I could survive when my DH left when my DCs were 3 & 1.

I will never again allow myself to be financially dependent on anyone.

I went back for money, pure and simple.

Autonomy, family contribution, my pension. Ask to reduce your hours and up your pension contributions if you want to have more flexibility. Work is definitely the holiday when the kids are very young (IMO).

Money and really why would you not unless you’re extremely wealthy!

@Daisymaze

I think those that are secure in their choices don't tend to take it personally. I went back to work, I love working, DS loves nursery, for us it works and couldn't give two shits what anyone else thinks about that. Similarly if I wanted to stay at home and did so, no need to be offended by those who work saying why they chose to. The important thing is that it works for you and your family, the only time it's sad when someone is a SAHM or when they go to work is if it's not a choice they would make, but have to due to circumstance, which is the case for a lot.

This exactly. You are lucky if you get to choose. No choice is right or wrong, but so many have to make a choice they’re not happy with due to circumstances and that’s a shame.

I think those that are secure in their choices don't tend to take it personally
I agree.
My main concern is that everyone looks very carefully at ther financial situation and the long term impact of their decisions to make sure they're happy with that.
What I find frustrating are claims that marriage is a piece of paper, but after giving up work for years if the relationship ends then they're quick to say they want the law changed to give automatic access to assets. That annoys me because I believe people should have the right to freely enter legal contracts thay join assets and to cohabit without joining affairs.

I returned to work in January after mat leave with DC2. I'm in a mid level manager job in a large corporate and yes, sometimes the hours are shit and DH are doing a lot of juggling and I think about jacking it in for a few years until the DC are a bit older.
Then I remember that we're in the middle of a global pandemic, the economy has gone to shit and is going to take years to recover and I think that I'd rather have the job security and the pension despite occasionally feeling a bit overwhelmed rather than trying to re-enter what would be an incredibly competitive market in a couple of years.

Money but even if we didn’t need my salary no way would I be financially dependent on someone else.

I took a full year off then went back to work two days a week and DD goes to nursery three days a week. Reasons were:

I’ve worked hard to get where I am in my career and may want to get back into full time work at some point
Nothing is guaranteed so good not to rely on DP and his job 100%

I wanted to be a good role model for DD
To get a break! I enjoy my job and my work days are like a holiday compared to raising my toddler. It’s also lovely to get the chance to miss her

Unexpected bonus: she adores nursery and does loads of stuff there she doesn’t get to do at home. Plus loads of socialisation.

For financial security
To keep my career progression on track
To secure the future in case my DH lost his job
To ensure my kids understood men and women had equal responsibility for the financial security of the household and the care of the children
Because I don't think my children necessarily benefitted from access only to me in their formative years
Because the modern home had so many press button appliances it doesn't need the attention of 1 person to stay at home to 'housekeep'.

And until now when both my kids are in high school I have always worked 4 days. Now I am full time.

@FrangipaniBlue if you think that staying at home is the ultimate sacrifice you have to make for your children, you are putting an incredible burden on them. It is a choice you made for you, not for them.

I didn't. Having a baby made me re-evaluate everything and totally changed my priorities - my identity had previously been quite tied up in my career... (don't get me started on the feminist awakening that accompanied the realization that my new much harder 'job' came with zero respect from society - that's another thread!), but I felt so keenly that my child would be small for such a small segment of my life - and we'll likely have to work into our 70s - that I decided to spend two years with him. Zero regrets.

I'm now re-training (well, I've just had another baby so will have a year with him), and hope to work flexibly, in a family-friendly way for the rest of my working life.

I'm extremely lucky that we didn't need the money, so that was never a factor. It was more a decision to do with desire and identity. I don't take for granted what a privilege it is to be able to make a decision on those terms.

One thing that slightly irritates me on threads like these is posters saying they went back to work to "set a good example" to their children. Because the implication is that those of us who didn't are setting a bad example. Which isn't true. To me, setting a good example to our children is modelling loving, respectful, ethical behaviour... and a SAHP is very capable of doing this.

Good luck, OP! I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

Money - I am the bread winner.

Also I found the requests re-enactments of toy Fireman Sam rescues got a bit tedious after the tenth time in an hour. So mental stimulation

I like my job