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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler seen her dad naked

154 replies

purplepolo · 11/11/2020 10:16

Toddler has been seeing her dad on a Sunday, and yesterday after nursery (she's 3) she came out with that she had seen daddies bits and that they were hairy. I probed bit more without trying to put words into her mouth, and we eventually came to the conclusion he was on the toilet naked, but she certainly had a lot to say about his genitals.

I have my own childhood trauma where I was sexually absued by my dad so to be honest I felt uncomfortable after discussing that even after finding out it was innocent but surely he shouldn't be naked in front of her or atleast have a bit of privacy regarding genitals? I don't want her to be shy in discussing genitals etc, I don't really know where I'm going with this to be honest.

My question really would be would I be unreasonable to ask him to be a bit more private himself? I don't know if my own childhood issues are making me overreact, I mean he's her parent and sure I rarely get the chance to use the toilet alone, but it just made me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Peace43 · 11/11/2020 10:18

It’s normal to see your parents naked in a non-sexual context. I can understand why you would be very sensitive about this. As your DD gets older I’d expect your ex to be more discrete but as your DD is 3 it’s really not an issue!

ShirleyPhallus · 11/11/2020 10:19

@Peace43

It’s normal to see your parents naked in a non-sexual context. I can understand why you would be very sensitive about this. As your DD gets older I’d expect your ex to be more discrete but as your DD is 3 it’s really not an issue!
Agree 👆🏼
ChampagneCommunist · 11/11/2020 10:20

With the greatest of respect, I think your past is colouring your thoughts on this.

How has your child got to 3 without seeing her father naked? And has the child seen you naked?

You don't want to (unintentionally) give her the idea that naked bodies are bad and something to be ashamed of.

Thespottytortoise · 11/11/2020 10:21

I understand that your background makes you a lot more vigilant, but that your daughter reports sounds totally normal to me, and I'm sorry but I do think you are overreacting.

It's pretty standard for a toddler to see their parents going to the loo, get changed, have a shower etc. As you say, you often don't get to go to the loo alone, neither will he. And it's a way of normalising human bodies.

LittleMissLockdown · 11/11/2020 10:21

I can understand why your history is making you worry but it's 100% normal for toddlers to see their parents naked,.

Whether it's walking in on them in the toilet, sharing baths or seeing them get dressed, it would be a huge over reaction to ask him to be more private in front of a 3 year old.

Bleughbleughbleugh12 · 11/11/2020 10:23

I am using the opposite to most of MN in that we are very private people, however at 3 I don’t think this is such an issue, if DD was 7/8+ and becoming much more body aware I’d perhaps mention being a bit more discreet (IMO) but at 3 I wouldn’t worry too much, they rarely bat an eyelid

Bleughbleughbleugh12 · 11/11/2020 10:23

So sorry about what happened to you though x

WoahHeyThere · 11/11/2020 10:23

This reply has been deleted

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eurochick · 11/11/2020 10:24

I think your background is understandably colouring your reaction here. It's fine to see naked bodies up to the point the child is no longer comfortable with it imo.

I remember changing after swimming on holiday when my daughter was three and her pointing and laughing at her dad's dangly bits. Also at 5 asking me loudly in a public toilet why I have a hairy bottom. It's just normal childhood curiosity.

JaJaDingDong · 11/11/2020 10:24

It's really not a big deal. My girls both used to shower and bath with their father at that age, as did I when I was small.
IMO it's far better that they get used to seeing a naked male body from young, rather than it be a big shock to them when they get older.

Out of interest - do they see you naked (boys or girls)?

tigger1001 · 11/11/2020 10:24

@Peace43

It’s normal to see your parents naked in a non-sexual context. I can understand why you would be very sensitive about this. As your DD gets older I’d expect your ex to be more discrete but as your DD is 3 it’s really not an issue!
I agree with this.

I do understand why you would worry about this, but do think your past is colouring your views.

Both my sons have walked in on me in the bath/getting dressed more times than I can count.

wonkylegs · 11/11/2020 10:24

Normal for small kids to see naked parents.
Getting dressed or showering are normal things and it only becomes something different in context which sounds like where you are struggling.

small kids are fascinated by things that are different to their own experience so will go on about them loudly and repeatedly especially as they get older if they see a hint of embarrassment as they thinks it's funny. Boobs, bottoms, winkies are all hysterical when you are small.

Bleughbleughbleugh12 · 11/11/2020 10:25

@WoahHeyThere absolutely grim and massively uncalled for!

NataliaOsipova · 11/11/2020 10:25

He’s her dad. It’s fine. As others have said, you don’t want to give the impression that bodies are bad or embarrassing in any way. Also - different people are comfortable with different levels of nudity. As a family, we are very relaxed - so my much older DDs wouldn’t think twice about wandering into the bathroom when DH was in the shower, nor would he feel bothered about it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 11/11/2020 10:26

I've clicked YABU as a response to toddler seeing body parts in this manner.

However due to your past, I can understand why you would check in with others on this. There is nothing wrong with toddlers seeing their parents naked bodies in the c9urse of normal day to day activities where one would usually have them exposed (changing, showering, going to the loo).

mamapisspants · 11/11/2020 10:27

@WoahHeyThere

This is such a crude and insensitive reply considering how the OP was abused herself. There's a way of saying something and this ain't it.

IndiaMay · 11/11/2020 10:27

Pretty sure I still occasionally hopped in the bath with my dad when I was 3! I probably saw him naked until I was about 8. You past is changing your perspective on this which is understandable. I suspect your daughter was quite fixated on her fathers naked body simply because she hadn't seen it before. If it was something she had grown up seeing everyday then she wouldnt have mentioned it.

eurochick · 11/11/2020 10:27

Jfc @WoahHeyThere. Did you see why this issue is troubling for the OP. Have a little bit of sensitivity!

Whoopsies · 11/11/2020 10:27

Another vote for it being normal here, but I appreciate why this is a complex issue for you. My 7 year old has only recently started getting a bit more shy around bodies so I try to not be naked in front of him anymore, or at least tell him I'm going to change etc and he usually chooses to leave.

Chestnutpony · 11/11/2020 10:28

My sons walk into the bathroom while I'm having a shower so that they can tell me about minecraft. They don't care about the nudity, but I'd love some peace and quiet!

TerribleCustomerCervix · 11/11/2020 10:28

WoahHeyThere- did you happen to read the full post by the OP? Where she said she’d been abused by her dad?

Massively insensitive and you should apologise.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 11/11/2020 10:28

God Woah no need to be so fucking graphic. Especially when the OP themselves have been in situations you so casually throw out there.

Flappingflamingo · 11/11/2020 10:28

I used to bath with my dad at that age... My daughters are older (10&11) and often see me naked but obviously my husband is more private around them now they are that age as I am with our son who is 15. However I do understand your concern given your background but on this occasion I think it's fine and normal

WingingItSince1973 · 11/11/2020 10:28

Wow what a disgusting response!!!

OP i was securely abused as a child and yes ive been over cautious with my girls but at that age we have been seen naked but obviously as they get older and more self conscious themselves its a respect for privacy issue now. Try not to worry. I know its hard when we've been through abuse ourselves. Maybe just ask ex to be more discreet especially as she's noticed enough to bring it up in conversation now. Xxx

OkPedro · 11/11/2020 10:29

@WoahHeyThere
The op has said she was sexually abused as a child and you use language like that regarding her child?! Sick