Toddler seen her dad naked

[purplepolo]

Toddler has been seeing her dad on a Sunday, and yesterday after nursery (she's 3) she came out with that she had seen daddies bits and that they were hairy. I probed bit more without trying to put words into her mouth, and we eventually came to the conclusion he was on the toilet naked, but she certainly had a lot to say about his genitals.

I have my own childhood trauma where I was sexually absued by my dad so to be honest I felt uncomfortable after discussing that even after finding out it was innocent but surely he shouldn't be naked in front of her or atleast have a bit of privacy regarding genitals? I don't want her to be shy in discussing genitals etc, I don't really know where I'm going with this to be honest.

My question really would be would I be unreasonable to ask him to be a bit more private himself? I don't know if my own childhood issues are making me overreact, I mean he's her parent and sure I rarely get the chance to use the toilet alone, but it just made me feel uncomfortable.

Which also reminds me of the time I accidentally breastfed a cat.

My family home was like some PP's mentioned, my parents being naked in their home/not overly concerned about covering up wasn't seen as abnormal at all. They weren't nudist or anything but say if they had just got out of a bath or bed, or half dressed fixing themselves a cup of tea etc it was normal.

@CovidStoleTheRainbow That happened to me with one of my cats lol

Earlier this year, the Crime Survey for England and Wales estimated that 1 in 13 adults is sexually abused as a child (1 in 5 is abused in general). That may not appear a massive number, but it’s still pretty terrifying.

Children should be taught that different bodies are normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I think parents being naked around young kids is OK. However, children also be taught about privacy and boundaries - not simply avoidance of touch, but also not showing their bodies except to xyz trusted people.

One of my memories in primary school (about 9 years old) was the boys and girls in my class secretly showing each other their genitals under their desks and laughing about it, pressuring me to do the same. Part joking, but definitely part sexualised.

It’s turning into quite a horrible situation. Of course young children shouldn’t be viewing bodies in a sexualised way, but unfortunately, they are, and they’ll encounter those depictions. Some children are exposed to adult content and it’s incredibly concerning. So I think there’s a balance to be struck there in terms of how we message “bodies”, privacy and consent to young kids.

I still remember DS informing nursery staff that his dad had the most enormous penis

YABU but I can understand why given your past.

It's totally normally for children to see their parents naked sometimes! Especially when they are so young. I used to pester my parents to let me get in their baths with them at that age 😂 my mum couldn't bathe alone for ages apparently!

Don't make this into something unnecessary. Your DD sounds like she was talking about it simply because she was curious, which is fine. But please don't make it out like it's wrong or something to be hidden. There is nothing wrong with children asking questions/making comments, it's just curiousity!

@Pollynextdoor

I still remember DS informing nursery staff that his dad had the most enormous penis

😂😂😂😂😂

I think maybe your own trauma is clouding your judgement slightly. Our children are 4 and 3, a girl and a boy and we shower with them both, I don’t see anything wrong with it personally. I was brought up in a house where being seen naked was just normal. I think it was only about 10 years old or so when my dad stopped getting changed wherever or showering with the door open. My mum has always just carried on though, in front of me and my sister, obviously not my brother.

I can understand why it’d bother you if you were abused though.

@Interestedwoman I'm incredibly glad to hear it isn't just me!

A few years later I was telling someone about it and DH said the cat tried it with him as well. I wish he would have told me at the time and I would have felt a lot less freaked out!

@CovidStoleTheRainbow Ooh that's interesting that they tried it on a man, too.

As others have said, I can understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable, but it's very normal - and in most cases healthy - to see parents' bodies. And at that age, it's how children begin to have an awareness of different bodies which obviously includes genitalia. Your dd is identifying as a little girl and knows she has different 'bits' to her daddy and that's why the keen interest. It's around this age that they begin to explore their own bodies more - so it's a good time to begin teaching them about public/ private and who can and cannot see/ touch them. Dd is 3 and knows that only certain trusted family members need to see her in the nude in certain situations (bathing, getting ready for bed, applying cream to sore bits, but only if she asks for help). She knows that if she wants to explore that's for private and not for in front of people, even us.

He mightn't have been too happy about it either!! But look at least it was in a normal context, she's not damaged by it & you also know he didn't lock the door on her when he was on the toilet which would have been irresponsible if he was the only adult there. I'm sorry about your past, I hope you've had all the help you need to help you deal with it xx

for you OP.
Just echoing the sentiments of others. It's really ok. I used to be totally open when my kids were small. That all changes.
If your DD were 10, I'd have a word with her dad. But I am sure when she's 10, her dad will be a lot more discreet. I'm terribly sorry you've experienced such a trauma in your past.

[quote Interestedwoman]@CovidStoleTheRainbow Ooh that's interesting that they tried it on a man, too.[/quote]
Very! I had milky boobs at the time so assumed that was the reason.

But it turns out that she wasn't fuzzy.

Maybe his chest hairs reminded her of her mum.

*fussy

@Pollynextdoor

I still remember DS informing nursery staff that his dad had the most enormous penis

Well - it could have been worse - he could have told them it was small....😂🤣😂

I think you’re over reacting. My 5 year old DD will come into the bathroom to talk to me whilst I’m stood peeing, sat crapping or having a shower. I assume at some point she’ll become uncomfortable with this but that’s up to her.

I shower with my DD3 and so does my DH. We talk openly about our bits and as she gets older, we will discuss more age appropriate things. But in all honestly, my family are extremely open about nakedness. We've just been away with my parents and I saw my mum naked once in the shower, and chatted to her whilst I had a wee so 🤷🏼‍♀️

YABU especially as you have no concerns with your DC seeing you naked.
You may need to get therapy if you want to either blame or project on your DH in relation to events that didn't not happen.
I wonder how you would feel if you had a DS?

I think the positive in this story is that the child's fascination with her fathers bits suggests she isn't used to seeing it!!

Op I fully sympathise as I have a similar background. Something that abusers do is seek to normalise anything which sexualises children. I fully recognise your knee jerk reaction of fear.

I found exh being naked around dd1 very hard to take but I think there is a difference between circumstantial nudity and purposeful.

It's fucking hard to judge what's ok and what isn't ok in this context if you have been abused. Much love x

sorry

not ' didn't happen' but he wasn't part off.

Deepest apologies OP

@Peace43

It’s normal to see your parents naked in a non-sexual context. I can understand why you would be very sensitive about this. As your DD gets older I’d expect your ex to be more discrete but as your DD is 3 it’s really not an issue!

100,000% this.

Your past trauma is definitely clouding your judgment
But that is completely understandable.
Have you had any counselling to help you process your abuse?

I think this is definitely something you could discuss with your ex if you are on good terms,
but I do personally think there is nothing abnormal about nudity in a non sexual way, it only becomes an issue if the child expresses a discomfort and the adult continues to do it.

The number of posters on here using euphemisms for genitalia is concerning.

Who's using euphemisms? I just see people using informal alternatives to "penis", such as bits or winky - a euphemism would be "trouser snake" or something :)
No need for us to refer to penises the whole time.

Totally normal OP i wouldn’t lock toilet doors etc when they are young so incase I was needed . Or even having to share a public toilet together etc .

Completely normal and okay.
My 3 year old will have a shower with me or his Dad, and sometimes he has a bath on his own. If we're going for a shower he'll saying 'I want a shower too!', undress himself and get in! It's more annoying as I then spend the next 10 mins trying to not drown when I'm bending down to wash him or get water out of his eyes!
When I was little I remember chatting to my Mum when she was in the bath, then suddenly when I was about 10 she would abruptly close the shower curtain when she had a bath if I was around. I was always confused why she started doing this, it's not like I hadn't seen it all before?! I don't want my son to feel like that, that it's a bad thing.