Toddler seen her dad naked

[purplepolo]

Toddler has been seeing her dad on a Sunday, and yesterday after nursery (she's 3) she came out with that she had seen daddies bits and that they were hairy. I probed bit more without trying to put words into her mouth, and we eventually came to the conclusion he was on the toilet naked, but she certainly had a lot to say about his genitals.

I have my own childhood trauma where I was sexually absued by my dad so to be honest I felt uncomfortable after discussing that even after finding out it was innocent but surely he shouldn't be naked in front of her or atleast have a bit of privacy regarding genitals? I don't want her to be shy in discussing genitals etc, I don't really know where I'm going with this to be honest.

My question really would be would I be unreasonable to ask him to be a bit more private himself? I don't know if my own childhood issues are making me overreact, I mean he's her parent and sure I rarely get the chance to use the toilet alone, but it just made me feel uncomfortable.

Jesus christ woah what a disgusting comment, especially knowing the background trauma the OP has. Have a word with yourself.

@Whoaheythere

How vile you are.

WoahHeyThere you are disgusting. That was completely out of order.

I get it op, I was abused too, and I have struggled with where 'normal' boundries are, and have, in all honesty, been too over protective.

This all sounds perfectly innocent, and it must be a comfort that your daughter told you as well, you know she is comforyable talking about these things with you, which means you're doing a fab job

Very sorry about what happened to you. This is incredibly normal and nothing to worrry about, I was always walking in on my mum in the bath/toilet and she was always wandering round in underwear too 😂

Thanks all, I really needed an outsiders perspective and your replies have made me feel better about it all and i see I am overreacting, i won't bring it up to him.

I have two girls ( 3 and 1) and yes they do see me naked i.e. showering, etc, so it is just definitely my past that is making such a normal thing seem bad in my mind, just because its a dad and children.

Thanks again all x

Agree with everyone else really but can see how your experiences would make you more cautious. Are you naked around toddler? Also given how long men spend on the loo sometimes it's probably safer for her to be with him. She could get up to anything in the hour or so it takes some men to have a poo.

@WoahHeyThere awful thing to say 🤢

OP, it’s completely normal for 3 year olds to see their parents naked. I understand your concern, but unless there’s anything else to alarm you- this situation sounds ok to me.

So sorry for what you went through OP. And that you had to read that disgusting description up thread (some people ).

It doesn't sound concerning at the moment, my kids have seen their DF changing / shower etc. but I also don't think you'd be U to ask him to be a little more discreet if possible.
It's understandable you feel uneasy with the nudity given what happened to you.

OP. Sorry for what you have been through.

I agree it’s normal but can understand why it’s so sensitive for you.

I know it may be difficult for you but maybe use this as an opportunity to teach your DD about sexual abuse. My kids love the pantosaurus video from NSPCC and there are lots of resources to explain things in an age appropriate way.

My 4 year old sees DH and me naked, try getting in the bathroom without her! My DH does get a bit embarrassed.
My dad was a very private man and I only saw him naked once and asked where he got his tail as I wanted one - that was the first and last time, as he was mortified and it became a joke many, many years later!
I think it’s probably your past making you feel this way, children will go on and on about bums etc. Could you ask him to be a little more private? thing is unless he locks the door your lo probably follows him in there and locking the door is a bit scary.
I’m so sorry about your past experiences.

I’ve voted that YABU but I don’t mean that in a horrible way- I can totally understand your misgivings due to what happened to you as a child but your ex hasn’t done anything wrong here.

@WoahHeyThere disgusting use of language, have a word with yourself - idiot.

As PP have said it's normal for young DC to see their parents in states of undress, DH used to bath with our DC.

If you're upset about it I think you are well within your rights to ask your DP to try and be a bit more discreet around your DD, do you have an amicable relationship?

Also if it is worrying you maybe teach your DD the pants rule, actually that would be a good thing to teach her anyway.

On lighter funny note and to see how normal this is I'll tell you about my niece.

After having my son my 3 year old neice was fascinated when I was changing his nappy, she pointed one day at his bits and asked me what it was. I explained it was his tale and her response was to proudly tell me her dad my brother had a massive tale 😄

Brother told me afterwards that she used watch him pee and would then pat him on the back and call him a good boy for using the toilet 😄

@WoahHeyThere

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

While I agree with you I really think you need to consider how you have just spoken to someone who has gone through childhood sexual abuse with this post.

I mean, really. Read this back to yourself and consider whether it was really an appropriate way to say it.

Shes 3? My husband bathed with ours at 3 lol I have a 10 nearly 11 year old and have to remind husband to close the bloody door now lol

Jesus woah - not many posts I see on MSN leave me Gobsmacked, but what you said is beyond belief. What an awful, awful thing to say when the OP herself was abused. It was really, really uncalled for and I hope you apologise and ask for your vile comments to be deleted.

Anyhow, back on topic,

I’m sorry about what happened to you and it will of course make you unsure of boundaries and how to deal with situations like this. At the age of 3 it’s very normal to see parents naked, of any sex, and to toddlers it’s not an issue at all.

That’s not to downplay how you feel at all. I don’t know what your relationship is like with her dad, or if he even knows about your abuse, but could you talk to him about what your daughter said and how it made you feel. It’s not about asking him to change his behaviour, but just as a way to offload and get his reassurance maybe. Bottling up these thoughts and feelings won’t go away, regardless of what we all say, so don’t be afraid to talk to someone in real life about it too

It's fine honestly. I have two boys 7&4 and they see me and their dad naked and ask all manner of interesting questions lol. My youngest was convinced for ages that I was going to grow a willy lol. He used to follow me to the toilet so he now knows about periods and he knows I have something different (to a penis) that he came out of, he calls it a hole which is fine by me. I think it's good for kids to learn about different body types and what's 'normal'
I'm sorry you suffered abuse as a child and obviously just want to protect your daughter

Thanks @WhoaHeyThere that throw away comment of yours has just bought back a horrific memory for me. I hope you get banned from MN!!!!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a child seeing their parent naked in that context.

I'm sorry you've suffered abuse

So sorry to hear what you have been through OP.

DD (2) is quite fascinated by Daddy’s penis at the moment. He certainly doesn’t deliberately show it to her but she has seen him in the shower/getting changed etc and we don’t shy away from discussing it when she asks. This morning she said that daddy had a penis and she was going to have a penis when she grows up so we discussed why that wasn’t going to happen. I think it’s healthy that she talks about it- I don’t want to be giving her any kind of sense that it is something she shouldn’t see or talk about.

We are a really open family. No closed doors so my DS's both see me and DP naked.

Sorry for what happened to you op

YABU, but I totally understand why in your particular case. DH and I always saw our parents naked, our kids have always seen us naked, it's very normal and not an indicator of anything untoward.

Sorry to hear what happened to you OP, that’s horrible.

I saw my parents naked growing up, in the bath or getting dressed no big deal. Apparently when I was 2/3 I followed my dad everywhere and when he went to the toilet I would ask my mum when I was getting ‘one of those’ so I could pee standing up as well 😅😅 so I think it’s quite normal to see your parents naked when you’re little.