Toddler seen her dad naked

[purplepolo]

Toddler has been seeing her dad on a Sunday, and yesterday after nursery (she's 3) she came out with that she had seen daddies bits and that they were hairy. I probed bit more without trying to put words into her mouth, and we eventually came to the conclusion he was on the toilet naked, but she certainly had a lot to say about his genitals.

I have my own childhood trauma where I was sexually absued by my dad so to be honest I felt uncomfortable after discussing that even after finding out it was innocent but surely he shouldn't be naked in front of her or atleast have a bit of privacy regarding genitals? I don't want her to be shy in discussing genitals etc, I don't really know where I'm going with this to be honest.

My question really would be would I be unreasonable to ask him to be a bit more private himself? I don't know if my own childhood issues are making me overreact, I mean he's her parent and sure I rarely get the chance to use the toilet alone, but it just made me feel uncomfortable.

My DD is 4 and saw her dad on the toilet while she was on the shower the other day, she just asked why daddy has that long thing and not the same as her (no other little boys has she ever seen naked so she just assumed I guess)

It’s completely understandable that you’d have a hard time with this OP. You went through something no one should ever have to go through. Make sure your children can advocate for themselves and know to tell you if anything untoward ever goes on, with anyone, not necessarily their Dad. But I think seeing real bodies is important for children. Body dysmorphia is on the rise thanks to all the doctored images everyone is seeing these days.

I recognise that I come from a VERY open family. Nudity was never an issue for us—which was just as well because we only had one bathroom! It wasn’t unusual for someone to have to come in to brush their teeth if you were in the shower. My Mum put me in the bath starkers while I was in labour, I’d never be worried about my Mum seeing me naked nor she I. Try not to let what happened to you make your daughters fearful, but I know it must be ever so difficult.

I’m really sorry I’ve not read all the replies, so if I’m doubling up with someone I apologise.
I just wanted to say it might be helpful in balancing your understandable anxiety if you looked at some resources about safeguarding. There is lots available about teaching kids , even very little ones like yours, about good touch and bad touch, things like the Pants rule, books for little people, and how to openly talk about bodies in a healthy way. The best tool you can give yourself and your daughter is a balanced and trusting way to discuss things like touch and appropriate relationships. It’s really healthy to see and ask about family nakedness, and in most contexts that’s really normal. That’s why swimming pools have family changing, for instance.
As I’m sure you realise by the fact you posted, your background will be affecting your responses and it’s really great you have picked up on that. It might be worth (and I’m so sorry if I’m repeating others) if you considered some help if you feel you need help sorting out how your traumatic past has coloured things like this. It’s so easy to think we have sorted out stuff, and then we have kids and everything gets stirred up...often in unexpected ways. It can bring back trauma and just make parenting all the more confusing.
Well done for questioning your response. It’s never wrong to think about whether our children are safe, but we need to understand the lenses we look through.

Sorry to hear about your past, but YANBU to be thinking about this now. If he were roaming the house naked, then yes you’d definitely need a discussion about him being more private. But in this case it most probably was that the toddler just barged into the bathroom when he was on the toilet as 3yr olds do.
However, I would still raise with him a conversation about at what age should we teach our child about privacy in the bathroom and how to knock and not just open a door? As you are getting close to that age and it’s best parents be consistent in childrearing. I taught my children at age 4 so they knew about privacy using the bathroom, to knock if a doors closed and get permission before going in before school age.