To be sick of hearing....

[Wibblywobbly40]

Before anyone jumps on me this not aimed at everyone but a select few

AIBU to be sick of hearing i need a break or you are lucky from single parent friends (who's children's fathers are involved).

I understand everyone needs a break from their parenting life but I find my single parent friends seem to crave that break alot even though all of my single parent friends only have their kids some 50/50 and a couple 5 days a week. They also like to tell me and a couple of other friends we are lucky to have partners to split the load.

In reality or at least my reality I have my DC's 24/7 regardless whether their dad is home or not the majority of us family households don't get 2-3 night breaks each week, my DH works full time sometimes 13 hour days which is bringing him in late so most of the time DC's are in bed but when he is off and we are splitting the load neither of us get a break regardless until they go to bed.

I think we are very lucky and blessed to be able to enjoy the kids together, but him walking through the door doesn't automatically mean I get a break it's means then there are 2 of us making the load lighter.

Is it only me that thinks that way that in reality single parents get more of a break than parents together get?? And single parents shouldn't automatically assume that's its easier because there is 2 of us??

We pay everything and do most of the childcare.

He's her father.

The point i have made multiple times is everyones situation is different and a single mother isnt automatically worse off than a non single mother. And not every single mother is struggling as is often suggested

No one has said every single mother is struggling. All single mothers seem to have taken exception to being told they get a break. The two things are not synonymous.

He's her father.

Well he wouldnt be paying and taking care of her if he wasnt.

All single mothers seem to have taken exception to being told they get a break. The two things are not synonymous

I will agree with this part. Most parents dont get a break but single parents who dont have a custody agreement will be worse affected for not getting a break.

@isthatitnow because that was my point and some of you got way off that point

And I do see it as a break because people in couples have to do all that you listed above with their children in the house

You will not see my opinion of that fact change so if replying back to me or other posters who do not agree with yourself and many others then just stop replying

But according to everyone on here shes a poor downtrodden little soul who deserves the moon on a stick simply because she's a single mother

She’s got an ex happy to hear her called a cunt. It’s not much of a life, is it?

The point being mothers in relationships can also have a very hard time

No one has said they can’t. But that doesn’t mean they never get a break when single mothers always do.
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@Shaniac

He's her father.

Well he wouldnt be paying and taking care of her if he wasnt.

Precisely. You are resentful of him being a parent to his child.

Again not sure why your so sad for the ex who is both a cheater and a kidnapper but hey we all have differing opinions of what a cunt is.

And I do see it as a break because people in couples have to do all that you listed above with their children in the house

Hahahahahahahahaha! You are utterly clueless. Those poor couples. Having to do housework with their children in the house. If only they could wave those kids off so they could do it in peace....

Precisely. You are resentful of him being a parent to his child.

In what way am i resentful of him parenting his child? Most of my wages go on that child. I play with that child for hours everyday and love her shes always happy at our home. Im just resentful of his ex who is an evil and foul person but gets all the credit for nothing.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

And I do see it as a break because people in couples have to do all that you listed above with their children in the house

Yes, and assuming it's a good relationship, they also have another grown up to share all their life responsibilities and labour. That's the point of the institution. Single parents may get some time when their kids aren't in the house with them but they're still running round like blue arsed flies the rest of the time, more so than if they had a partner to share the load.

You've said that you could engineer some child-free time if you needed to so I'm struggling to see why you have such a chip on your shoulder about single parents getting the same, when they probably have more to worry about overall.

Op do you have family close who after lockdown could take the kids overnight so you and dh can have a night off?

Yes you have to do everything a single person does but there are 2 of you so it's half each single person is run ragged playing catch up all the time what is partner doing while you do tea? Maybe homework with do.Whats he doing while you settle kids for bed? MaybeTidying toys away housework. While single we have to do all if that alone every fooking day/night. Ask yourself really would you rather have shared responsibility or a night without dc?

Avocano
Absolute bollocks. And shows what little you actually know about the reality of being a single parent.

These 'breaks' we get are usually taken up with completing all household tasks at lightning speed because we don't get enough time to do them when the children are with us, because you know... we're parenting.

The mental load is intense. The responsibility of having to remember every single little thing in terms of both parenting and running a household and having no one there to pick up the slack which you will inevitably drop and then feel like a shit parent.

And by the way, these lovely breaks we get.... I don't see it like that. I see it that my child is taken away from me for 104 days every single year. That's over 400 days of my child's development that I've missed so far. That I'll never get back. I don't get a choice in that matter. I dont get a say when and how long for. Do you have any idea how horrible that is? I have to share birthdays and Christmases with my child, the child that I carried for 9 months, birthed and nursed. No choice. Suck it up. I didn't want my relationship to end. He walked out.

Your post has really upset me.

This is so true!!

Waking up alone at Christmas sucks. Birthdays without your kids suck. Being ill and having to do school runs and meals and generally being a parent sucks as you aren’t allowed to just be you for a minute ever.

Ever been in a meeting and the school have called you because xxx feels sick? You rush out the door because they don’t bother calling the kids dad anymore he doesn’t pick up.

Being the person who has to mentally be ‘on’ the entire time sucks.

2 weekends ago my ex dropped the dc home (in the middle of one of my many breaks) six hours before he was supposed too because he was going out. No forewarning, just automatically assumed that when I don’t have the children I go into some kind of standby mode just waiting for them to come home.

I was having my one treat to myself a facial for my fucking birthday a present I had bought myself. I had to get up half way through it and leave because he had dropped them off at the front door!

The responsibility is mine and mine alone. It’s exhausting. And these breaks we all so often have are spent mentally regrouping, preparing for the next on slaught and lying in bed.

Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes op.

I was thinking this the other day OP and can see your point.

A friend of mine who works in family law told me that from all that she’d seen (a lot!!) that single parenting with an invested separate parent was far easier than being in a relationship with the child/ren’s father for all the reasons you describe.

She left her husband and absolutely loves her new life - every other weekend off on short breaks with her new man.

Another woman I know dumps her kids EVERY weekend (even on HER weekend) with her in-laws so she can go away with her new man. I am not exaggerating- it’s literally every weekend.

Now I’m not saying single parenting is easy/easier in the slightest. Every circumstance is different. But there’s certainly SOME perks if you’re that way inclined I.e not particularly maternal.

I’m married and even though he’s only home around an hour a day before he goes to bed due to work etc, and I do everything for our child, I wouldn’t want to be a single parent for the fact I wouldn’t want to be away from my child for any length of time, let alone every week or every other week. I’m grateful we are a family unit, in one household, where we don’t have to argue over who gets Christmas.

Sure, some single parents get a few days break from their kids but otherwise it's relentless work, grinding poverty for many, no holidays or trips, career limitations, loneliness and boredom. Certainly that's what it's been like for me.

Do you really think your situation is up for comparison?

So many coupled women just don't have a clue and forget that income from a male breadwinner alone makes a huge difference to their lifestyle and opportunities

In what way am i resentful of him parenting his child?

It's the impression you give when you go on at length about how your partner pays for his child and looks after her as he should, complain about how you "even buy her fucking clothes", call her mother a cunt, refer to her as "that child" and complain that her mother "got pregnant on purpose" as if your partner had nothing to do with it.

If you don't resent him parenting his child, you should change your tone because it really, really sounds that way.

The chip on the shoulder is that single parents should be as miserable as sin and if they’re off living it up one night in 14 that’s one more than decent married people get which, obviously, is unfair. They shouldn’t be able to afford it (and if they can, they’re just lazy cunts living off the ex) and they certainly shouldn’t feel any sense of entitlement when it comes to doing the housework or being able to work in peace (because the preference is they are a lazy cunt living off the ex to fit the stereotype). Any single mum who does manage to make a bit of a life and who is also. - shock horror a whispers financially independent, better not hold her breath. The happy couples will be out in full force to tell them they are shit mothers for daring to have their children in childcare whilst they work (because being a lazy cunt and living off the ex is always, without exception, preferable). HTH.

@ShebaShimmyShake no again we are off the point I never said they don't deserve a break you are putting your own spin on what I said, I said they are getting the break then moaning 2 days later that they need a break which either in 2 or 3 days time they will be getting a break but if I say yeah I could also do with a break at the minute times are stressful I just get the response you are lucky because you have a partner and yes I am lucky to have a partner but for the majority of the time we work so for the 2 or 3 hours a day except a weekend where we do food shopping or I sleep for and from work there isn't much time in between and I don't think my single friends understand that it's not all rosey because you are in a couple it is hard to catch an hour just to chill and take a brake and being in lockdown and hearing this for the 3rd time this week and me just being brushed off made me think why is it that my single friends think I have it so much easier than them

I was not aiming this at the whole entire mums net community I was saying why do my friends moan about needing a brake when 2 days before they didn't have their children for 2-3 days and me voicing needing a brake just gets brushed off like I shouldn't even be voicing it because they are single with kids and I am not

Fucking hell @Shaniac, you must have known he had a child when you started dating him, and that he had moral and financial obligations? Child support is actually pitifully low for someone on nmw, especially if she has overnights with her dad, I can't believe the child is having 'most of your money'. You can speak with all of the venom you want about her, but he must have liked her enough to shoot his load without protection- but it seems he is equally as charming towards her as you are. Hardly living the high life is she has no income

I don't think my single friends understand that it's not all rosey

Ha. Ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Hahahaha.

I see what you mean OP, I also see what pps are saying. I suppose the bottom line is, we all would like more breaks. Taking relationship status out of it, my older dc goes to day care one day a week, even though I'm on maternity leave, and both my dc sleep well. So I do get a break compared to a sahp who doesn't use day care and has 2 terrible sleepers. But I'd still like another one.

In fact, when you get a break, it's almost like you get a taste for it and want more. If you never ever get one you don't think of it. An example of this is threads on here where people complain their parents "only" have their dgc to sleep over a few times a year. Now my parents have never had my dc nor would they, but because it's not a thing at all I don't really think about it and it doesn't bother me.

Fucking hell @Shaniac, you must have known he had a child when you started dating him, and that he had moral and financial obligations? Child support is actually pitifully low for someone on nmw, especially if she has overnights with her dad, I can't believe the child is having 'most of your money'. You can speak with all of the venom you want about her, but he must have liked her enough to shoot his load without protection- but it seems he is equally as charming towards her as you are. Hardly living the high life is she has no income

This is what im saying. Because shes a single mother she can do no wrong. Yeah he did. He loved her and gor engaged to her and everything shockingly. Then she decided during the pregnancy to go online and cheat. Then when the baby was a couple of months old she decided to kidnap her and go to her home country behind his back to persue a new life living with this new guy. Didnt work out so well after he lost his job. So yeah we arent particularly fond of her and have no reason to be nice.

@Wibblywobbly40 hope you don’t end up a single parent, eh