To be sick of hearing....

[Wibblywobbly40]

Before anyone jumps on me this not aimed at everyone but a select few

AIBU to be sick of hearing i need a break or you are lucky from single parent friends (who's children's fathers are involved).

I understand everyone needs a break from their parenting life but I find my single parent friends seem to crave that break alot even though all of my single parent friends only have their kids some 50/50 and a couple 5 days a week. They also like to tell me and a couple of other friends we are lucky to have partners to split the load.

In reality or at least my reality I have my DC's 24/7 regardless whether their dad is home or not the majority of us family households don't get 2-3 night breaks each week, my DH works full time sometimes 13 hour days which is bringing him in late so most of the time DC's are in bed but when he is off and we are splitting the load neither of us get a break regardless until they go to bed.

I think we are very lucky and blessed to be able to enjoy the kids together, but him walking through the door doesn't automatically mean I get a break it's means then there are 2 of us making the load lighter.

Is it only me that thinks that way that in reality single parents get more of a break than parents together get?? And single parents shouldn't automatically assume that's its easier because there is 2 of us??

OK, so most single parents haven't always been single. Otherwise they wouldn't be parents usually.

When I was with my abusive ex, it was hard, really hard. He did very little with the children and was controlling and isolating.

But being a single parent is absolutely exhausting. He doesn't get unsupervised contact at all. But when they have had contact it takes me days to get them back to normal.

Admittedly I don't have to parent him anymore, but nobody has children hoping their father will be a waster, abuser, rapist etc

As a single parent, everyone judges, there isn't a back up, you are alone.

@DressingGownofDoom

Yes, that is indeed what I said

Slating single parents because you're essentially jealous that they, at face value, get "a break" and you don't because you "essentially have them 24/7 anyway" is bollocks.

Having two weekends a month when your children aren't physically there does not make the fact that you're entirely solely responsible for everything on the 26 days a month when they're with you. You don't have anyone to chat to on the sofa in the evening, or tag team when a child won't sleep. There's nobody there to give you a second opinion of you think your child is poorly or to nip out and find calpol at 3am.

Relationships are hard work and parenting as a team has issues too but there are two of you to help figure it all out.

Threads like this use a couple of people as examples of "single mums" and the experiences that the majority have are minimised because of this. It's a shit thing to do and a shit place to be and nobody benefits from it.

'My dps ex is a single mother and she gets most of our money, each month she has more money than the pair of us and we buy everything for the dc and he takes his dc everyday and brings her back when the ex says so i certainly wouldnt say her life was hard as a single mother at all even though she thinks shes so hard done by and has the audacity to ask for more money like it grows on trees.'

Aye, I'm sure you buy their pants and their trainers and pay for their school lunches and the oil to heat the house they live in and their shampoo and the hot wheels they can't possibly leave the shop if they don't get and the entry fee for the zoo that day and the fruit shoot they got on the way home and the book of the month on the nursery 'learning together' list and the broadband they need to access the learning resources. Sure you fucking do

I believe this one falls under “not in the spirit of the site” and “isn't helping anyone”

I agree you are comparing apples with pears. Being a single income household in a couple is nothing like being a single income household as a single parent. The income is only one small part of what makes being a single parent difficult. Whilst you were working and your DH wasn't you had him to share the mental load and the DC with.

You are eithet goady or just lacking any ability to empathise.

the lazy cunts

Like I said, says it all.

Like I said, says it all.

I think this proves the ops point . How is she not a lazy cunt when shes never worked a day in her life and deliberately got pregnant as she thought that would mean she would get benefits. Turns out shes not entitled to any unfortunately for us all. And yes we pay everything for both her and her daughter we even buy her fucking clothes when she needs them.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Just make things for your family the best you can and don't try to rank difficult lives. That's never going to make you feel happy.

"the majority of us family households don't get 2-3 night breaks each week, my DH works full time sometimes"

Single parent households are still family households fwiw.

Why not go for full custody then if you are so saintly.

I feel sorry for the child if you have this opinion of their mum.

I am failing to see how your rant about your partner’s ‘lazy cunt’ ex has anything at all to do with why any single parent may feel they can legitimately claim they are struggling financially, mentally, physically or anything else?

Also im not a new partner. And yes she does get most of our money. We are both on nmw and after all our bills and rent is paid we have £500 left between us in which she gets £350 of it along side us buying every nappy, clothing item and food that child has.

You must be quite new if the child is in nappies...

@Isthatitnow

I am failing to see how your rant about your partner’s ‘lazy cunt’ ex has anything at all to do with why any single parent may feel they can legitimately claim they are struggling financially, mentally, physically or anything else?

That's because it doesn't.

I never said they had it easier you will find on multiple of my posts I have said being a single parent is must be undoubtably hard

I said they get a break again on a previous post I outline why in my eyes they get a break

I also said I am sick of hearing i need a break or how lucky I am in first post

I'm one of my previous posts I also said everyone is entitled to their opinion which you all are on the subject of which I outlined in my previous post.

However I am not sure even tho I have been openly honest about being in financial situations have been hard or how I also have mental health which I didn't need to do I then get I am exaggerating or being goady is this because some people are realising that my life isn't a rosey as some of you all jumped to the conclusion of

I started a thread about people I know not about the single parents of mumsnet not a witch hunt against single parents I am not the one sitting calling out any of you in your life choices now am I or asking why your a single parent or calling you are or your partners useless effing idiots, I am not the one on the witch hunt here

I asked tge question I got a response I have responded back but I have not personally attacked any one of you

No single mother without an income isn't entitled to benefits Shaniac. You're definitely stretching the truth.

I am failing to see how your rant about your partner’s ‘lazy cunt’ ex has anything at all to do with why any single parent may feel they can legitimately claim they are struggling financially, mentally, physically or anything else?

Your name should rwally be Chief misses the point.

The point i have made multiple times is everyones situation is different and a single mother isnt automatically worse off than a non single mother. And not every single mother is struggling as is often suggested.

How is she not a lazy cunt when shes never worked a day in her life and deliberately got pregnant as she thought that would mean she would get benefits.

Where does your partner think babies come from? The stork?

Single parenting is exhausting mentally because you don't have the mental share of the load. Regardless of father being there or not (in my case, not). You feel solely responsible.

Everyone always gets it wrong and thinks we are physically exhausted or its a time thing. Mental and emotional. Would love to be able to share the responsibility and have a moan at someone at the end of the day about how cheeky DS was that day.

Its also mentally exhausting because you know it will never end. This is it for 18 years.

@Shaniac

Like I said, says it all.

I think this proves the ops point . How is she not a lazy cunt when shes never worked a day in her life and deliberately got pregnant as she thought that would mean she would get benefits. Turns out shes not entitled to any unfortunately for us all. And yes we pay everything for both her and her daughter we even buy her fucking clothes when she needs them.

We we we we. Stop if you don't like it. You describe the child as 'that child' fucking leave your partner if you can't accept his child and the fact HE not YOU will be paying for them. Takes two to put a baby there so clearly he wanted a child too. Not sure why you would be paying for a child anyway when you're clearly the new partner.

Why not go for full custody then if you are so saintly.

Its been raised as a possibility.

Is it only me that thinks that way that in reality single parents get more of a break than parents together get??

I hope it's just you.

I am a single parent. My son does not see his father.
He has been off school unwell the past 2 days. Not really unwell, and he's 11 so has been no trouble.

But I have pretty much only had conversation with an 11 year old boy for 3 days (I saw an adult on Sunday morning).

I have not been able to do the running or cycling that I love.

I feel isolated.

No single mother without an income isn't entitled to benefits Shaniac. You're definitely stretching the truth.

Tell that to hmrc with a non eu citizen who has no right to remain.

Emotionally exhausting because you carry the guilt of a broken family. Its so exhausting. Theres so many things that get to you emotionally when you're on your own. Everything is your fault and your fault alone. Supporting them when they're upset. Only you.

Financially we are good. We aren't struggling in any way. Physically, now he is older its easy enough. But emotional. Mental. I'm so tired.

I also said I am sick of hearing i need a break or how lucky I am in first post

Why are you repeating the same old crap? It is OK for you to want a break, no one is arguing that point. We have simply pointed out that single parents do not view having their child spend time with their other parent is a break. This is because most of us work/catch up on housework/worry/worry some more when our children are not with us. It is not a break.

This is a massive derail but to answer somw questions. The kid is 4 ive been with him going on 3 years. The ex was cheating and returned to her home country with the child to live with a man she had met on an internet site. When that didnt work out she used the money dp had been sending her and returned. We pay everything and do most of the childcare. But according to everyone on here shes a poor downtrodden little soul who deserves the moon on a stick simply because she's a single mother.

Derail over.

The point being mothers in relationships can also have a very hard time.

Of course its easier if there are 2 parents one does the tea one plays with the kids one does bath/bed time while other does quick tidy up of kids toys or whatever if you partner is not pulling his weight were kids are considered well thats for a different thread. Am a single parent an no I dont get a break twice a week in fact I don't get a break full stop absent father. And if given the choice between 2 nights of an shared help every day I would take the shared help everytime its bloody hard doing absolutely everything alone.