my partner doesn't want me to be friend with him

[confusedx3]

hi all,

a long time ago (talking nearly 10 years and when I was a teenager) i slept with someone who I was friends with. only once and on my part no feelings developed romantically. however, it did for him. for the next few years he claimed to be in love with me but I never shared these feelings back. in hind sight, he was more in lust than love, we were only teenagers at the time. it was silly. its a shame because we were great friends prior to this and I wish we had never over stepped the mark because this would never be a problem now.

fast forward all these years, and in 2018 my current partner kicked off because we were still friends, said he isnt comfortable with it and effectively he was going to cause problems if I stayed friends with this guy. because i didnt want the agro i kind of gave in and mine and this guys friendship slowly faded. I wasnt happy about it at the time but my ex friend didnt want the hassle either and I think if hes 100 percent honest was scared of my partner.

ex friend recently announced his engagement and I have unexpectedly been invited to the party (once lockdown has been lifted of course). my partner is still not happy and has announced he will be furious if I even consider going.

I just dont understand. i feel like he doesnt trust me. i have never had romantic feelings for my friend - we slept together once years ago, and yes my friend developed more romantic feelings towards me but this was a long long time ago. he is engaged now ffs and we are 10 years on. I just feel like my partner is being immature and controlling. especially considering his ex girlfriend who he had very strong feelings for when they were together was part of our extended friendship group and I had to put up with her presence at events for years.

I really miss my friend- he was there for me a lot through the years before I met partner and now I feel I cant share his enjoyment at his engagement because of my partner and his jealousy.

AIBU to want some kind of friendship back?

You can enjoy his engagement party because you are a free person who can choose to go. He can lump it.

Definitely not being unreasonable, the guy is getting married fgs Bloody hell you were teenagers, your DH sounds either really insecure or controlling or both

I actually don't think you should go, not because of your partner who is being an arse but because your friend developed stronger feelings for you. Let him go and move on with his partner.

hmm I didnt think about it from that side. maybe it would be kinder not to go and stir up any old feelings - although presumably if hes proposed to someone else he has well and truly moved on. we were friends before and this was a long time ago

Ditch the controlling scary partner and renew the friendship.

@CoRhona

I actually don't think you should go, not because of your partner who is being an arse but because your friend developed stronger feelings for you. Let him go and move on with his partner.

When he was a teenager though, I think that makes a difference

Keep the friend, ditch the arse hole husband.

Your partner is a controlling dick who's using threats to get his own way. Ditch him and have the friends you want to have without fear of repercussions.

I actually don't think you should go, not because of your partner who is being an arse but because your friend developed stronger feelings for you. Let him go and move on with his partner.

This. You should have backed off from being his friend as soon as you knew he had feelings for you. Continuing to be friends in any way was just leading him on.

But your current boyfriend is an asshole as well. He can keep exs hanging around, but you can't? Fuck that for a laugh. Dump him.

I just feel like my partner is being immature and controlling And you are correct. So do you want to carry on being with an immature and controlling partner?

Go to the party. It's not up to him.

Is he your partner or your boss? Tell him to fuck off, then keep going. How dare he tell you who you can and cannot associate with.

Tell your partner and his double standards to fuck right off.

Your partner is controlling, and uses double standards. You were supposed to hang out with his ex but you’re not allowed to see someone you had a ONS with a decade ago? Your partner is just using it to control you.

he tells me most people would feel like this about someone they have previously slept with. which is funny because I dont at all about people he has been with previously. the only one which I felt apprehensive towards was his ex girlfriend but that was because of the level of feeling he had towards her not just because he had slept with her. I think that's the important part too - I didnt have romantic feelings for my friend and rebuffed him several times. surely that shows that he has nothing to worry about on my part. just feels like we are in school still

ex friend recently announced his engagement and I have unexpectedly been invited to the party (once lockdown has been lifted of course). my partner is still not happy and has announced he will be furious if I even consider going.

So, you're still planning to go and your partner will just have to be furious about it if that's what he chooses, yes? Don't even think for one second of conceding on this.

especially considering his ex girlfriend who he had very strong feelings for when they were together was part of our extended friendship group and I had to put up with her presence at events for years.

I actually missed this bit on first read, wtf? Why does he think he can do this but you can't? Have you brought this up? This is a very do as I say not as I do because I'm a man type attitude, hate that shit

wow - a sign of things to come from your new partner.. if you let him get away with dictating who you can and cannot see - say goodbye to any sense of freedom/individuality you have.

Worrying and controlling behaviour from your partner.

get shot of this idiot hoping you haven't got a child with him, then you can make a clean break.

If it were an ex then I’d understand. I’ve always found it a bit odd when ex’s remain friends and the ex turns up at the engagement party or even marriage. But you had a ONS a decade ago, hardly romance of the century. Your OH needs to chill out and stop being so controlling.

I'm getting serious psycho vibes from your partner,and really think you need to reavaluate the relationship tbh.

How does your partner even know about it?! I know people go on about relationships and we’ve got no secrets etc etc, but I don’t get why he knows about this.

You DP sounds like an arse tbh. He’s acting like a jealous teen himself!!

@CoRhona

I actually don't think you should go, not because of your partner who is being an arse but because your friend developed stronger feelings for you. Let him go and move on with his partner.

I agree with this 100%.

I don't agree that your partner gets to choose your friends, but I feel there's nothing to be gained by going to this wedding.

So your only in your late 20's? I often say this but your 20's should be a time of fun, in terms of having nothing emotionally draining or which could hold you back from fully enjoying your life . You are still partly discovering yourself and growing as a person. Get rid of toxic and controlling personality types from your life. He's also telling you your place in the relationship.

I do agree with what's been said about you attending though. You are putting his fiance in the same uncomfortable position as you were in.