To report a friend for fraud?

[ashbashclash]

I've been good friends with a woman for over 15 years now.
She is a carer for her dad who has dementia and has been since her mum died.
She works part time hours (16 hours )
Now she spends a lot more than she earns.
Before lockdown she was going on weekends away,concerts etc
She is always shopping,not expensive things but still shopping.
Her dads dementia is pretty bad so she will be dealing with his finances and he will be oblivious.
She invited me to his birthday tea party in January and he didn't recognise me.
I think she is spending her dads money.
Do I report this?
I don't think it's fair for her to get away with this.
Although if she has been dipping into his money and I report her,what would happen to her dad?
Would he be moved in care facility ?
What do I do for the best?

@iklboogeymum

* If they did investigate and she had to provide bank statements at least then it would be discovered. That's all I'm saying.*

Only if she's actually doing something wrong. Otherwise there's nothing to be 'discovered' is there? So far your evidence is:

You think she's spending beyond what income you think she has access to

You think she became 'awkward' when you asked her where all her money was coming from.

I used to work in Insolvency. Totally feasible for people to have tens of thousands of pounds on credit cards, as long as they're making the minimum payments.

And you're 'assuming' a lot. I won't roll out the tired trope about that.

But it isn’t benefit fraud. Her father will be entitled to his pension. It’s not being claimed fraudulently

@ashbashclash

So if she is guilty...you don't think she should have to pay it back ? Or get in trouble for fraud ?

Pay it back to who?

Pay it back to her dad.

@ashbashclash

Pay it back to her dad.

But she says he said I could’. How in the world would you prove otherwise? And invariably she’d be putting it back to inherit later.

@Rachie1973 - exactly! The OP thinks her 'friend' is stealing it all from him.

@Rachie1973 he hasn't got the mental capacity to decide,he has advanced dementia.

[quote ashbashclash]@Rachie1973 he hasn't got the mental capacity to decide,he has advanced dementia.[/quote]
But he hasn’t always. Dementia creeps in. It doesn’t land overnight When diagnosis are made agreements are made, POA is often prepared.

You really have no concept or understanding of any of this.

Anyway il leave it her.
Thanks for you opinions
Advice etc
Like I said I won't be taking this any further by reporting.

If someone was stealing from work people would say report it

Not if the concept of them stealing was borne purely from one person's opinion that they seemed to have more money than they should.

Bob: Hey, boss, I'm reporting Rachael for stealing
Boss: Why's that, Bob?
Bob: Because she bought her lunch from Waitrose today and her job only pays her well enough to buy lunch from Aldi

Can you see how ridiculous it looks, @ashbashclash? And how it looks like Bob has got it in for Rachael for some undisclosed reason although it would make sense to suspect jealousy even if Bob repeatedly says it isn't

And has been pointed out four hundred million times, you don't know it hadn't been agreed in advance or by LPA, terms agreed with a solicitor.

Don't report anything, or meddle in other peoples lives. You would have nothing to gain, and could cause upset all round.

@ashbashclash

Anyway il leave it her. Thanks for you opinions Advice etc Like I said I won't be taking this any further by reporting.

Wise move if you want to look stupid.

Years and years ago someone reported me for benefit fraud(I was not guilty )
I was asked to a interview and it was awful and humiliating.
They recorded everything I said
I don't think it's fair some people actually do it and that's it.

So you've decided that she's guilty without trial?

Maybe one of your "friends" reported you?

@ashbashclash

I've been good friends with a woman for over 15 years now. She is a carer for her dad who has dementia and has been since her mum died. She works part time hours (16 hours ) Now she spends a lot more than she earns. Before lockdown she was going on weekends away,concerts etc She is always shopping,not expensive things but still shopping. Her dads dementia is pretty bad so she will be dealing with his finances and he will be oblivious. She invited me to his birthday tea party in January and he didn't recognise me. I think she is spending her dads money. Do I report this? I don't think it's fair for her to get away with this. Although if she has been dipping into his money and I report her,what would happen to her dad? Would he be moved in care facility ? What do I do for the best?

And to answer your initial question ‘what do I do for the best?’

Stop claiming to be her friend, or act like one. Offer to support her, caring for someone with dementia is thankless and exhausting.

Wow. You're a horrendous friend, OP.

I'm assuming she knew I was onto her.

You assume far too much.

I sincerely hope this woman has some genuine friends.

so you know how it feels to be reported it s humilating people judge you mud sticks and all that

say she has t give the money back to her dad who has no capacity and still leaves it to her eventualy-what have you achieved-or worst still he gets put in a home where he does alone

You should make a safeguarding referral to adult social services and they can investigate. It dosen't mean she will no longer be able to care for him but an appointee could be made to look after his finances. Financial abuse is really common, it's worth reporting it.

@MyGodImSoYoung agree with your comment having also worked in this field.

@strugglingtomakesenseofitall it would probably make sense for someone not related to look after his finances.
Someone posted down the thread that social services can manage vulnerable peoples finances,that would probably be the most sensible option.

@ashbashclash you really don’t have the first clue about this.

Keep out if it.

You are no friend OP. You sound jealous and bitter and nasty. You should mind your own business. I hope your friend drops you.

it would probably make sense for someone not related to look after his finances
Someone posted down the thread that social services can manage vulnerable peoples finances,that would probably be the most sensible option

Where are you getting this information from about what would be the most sensible option?

So a woman who is the sole carer for her father, with advanced dementia, works part time and cares for him with sod all support from anyone because there is no one to help, and you reckon she living the life of Riley, based on a hunch, with her dads money, which if you're brutal about, will be hers anyway most likely when he dies, because there is no one else. And you think she might be using the money to go out sometimes, in between caring for him, because you don't think her lifestyle fits her income, and she shouldnt be able to go out, so you want to report her for having a life, because she shouldn't be able to. Rarely am I utterly speechless here. But you win. If dad is well taken care of, and they are happy- you're a bit of a jealous twat.......

Hmmmm. Didn't you post previously that you had no idea what happened in these circumstances and here you are saying that you have previous experience of being investigated for benefit fraud? You know exactly how horrible that is and the digging that happens on you.

Do you secretly think she was the one that reported you and this is some form of revenge?