To report a friend for fraud?

[ashbashclash]

I've been good friends with a woman for over 15 years now.
She is a carer for her dad who has dementia and has been since her mum died.
She works part time hours (16 hours )
Now she spends a lot more than she earns.
Before lockdown she was going on weekends away,concerts etc
She is always shopping,not expensive things but still shopping.
Her dads dementia is pretty bad so she will be dealing with his finances and he will be oblivious.
She invited me to his birthday tea party in January and he didn't recognise me.
I think she is spending her dads money.
Do I report this?
I don't think it's fair for her to get away with this.
Although if she has been dipping into his money and I report her,what would happen to her dad?
Would he be moved in care facility ?
What do I do for the best?

My issue with this OP is that even if she were dipping into his money. If he was taken away from her the ‘care’ he would receive in a home would be paid for using his money and honestly have you any idea how shoddy those places are?

So way I see it;

Option 1- old man is well cared for in own home by his DD who may or may not dip into his money.

Option 2 - old man is put into home where his money is used to fund an often shoddy level of care. Forced to sell his home to fund it (if he owns)

@ashbashclash

i have asked her,how she does it ?
She became awkward and didn't answer

Why do you think that happened?

@Eckhart I'm assuming she knew I was onto her.

[quote ashbashclash]@Eckhart i have asked her,how she does it ?
She became awkward and didn't answer [/quote]
Maybe she was awkward and didn’t answer because you were questioning her spending habits/asking her about money. I wouldn’t answer if someone asked me how I could afford to live. You are a terrible friend. Terrible.

t I'm assuming she knew I was onto her.

So you've still with no real evidence decided you know she's steal her fathers money?

Have you not read the posts where she's entitled to have a "wage" etc.

[quote ashbashclash]@Eckhart I'm assuming she knew I was onto her.
[/quote]
Such a twat. Onto what exactly?

Family pools money to suit all members

Stop the papers!

@1stbabaxxx

OP wants her to be guilty it seems

It certainly seems that way. I'm still wondering why the OP isn't considering that there is about 20 much more likely reasons for appearing to have loads of money??

@ashbashclash

I'm assuming she knew I was onto her

Can you think of any other reasons she might have responded like that?

You have ZERO EVIDENCE of fraud.

Don't be so jealous.

• @Eckhart i have asked her,how she does it ? She became awkward and didn't answer*

Well that's more polite than the 'mind your own effing business' you'd have got from me. Why should she tell you? You sound worse by the minute.

I know I have zero evidence,it's all my own opinions.
If they did investigate and she had to provide bank statements at least then it would be discovered.
That's all I'm saying.
If someone was stealing from work people would say report it.
Yet she possibly can get away with spending money that's not hers.
Sorry it just doesn't sit right with me.

If someone was stealing from work people would say report it.

Well yes because they are stealing and there's no indication your 'friend' is stealing...

I'll ask again why is it that you're so sure she's doing something illegal and not one of the much more likely reasons??

I hope your friend catches on to what a cow you are and rips you a new one.
There are literally millions of people living beyond their means and for some of them it's embarrassing and something they don't want to admit to.

@LittleMissLockdown it's a feeling I have.
I can't explain,nobody has that much credit on credit card.
It's been going on years.

You clearly don’t actually understand how things work with finances, care and power of attorney or other legalities to do with caring for a family member with dementia.

You’re trying to tell yourself that you’re a good person concerned with ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, when in reality you’re spiteful, nasty and a horrible friend.

Sort out the beam in your own eye before you presume to be an arbiter of morality.

@ashbashclash

I know I have zero evidence,it's all my own opinions. If they did investigate and she had to provide bank statements at least then it would be discovered. That's all I'm saying. If someone was stealing from work people would say report it. Yet she possibly can get away with spending money that's not hers. Sorry it just doesn't sit right with me.

Statements of what though?

No one is going to do anything if she’s using her Dads money for herself at times. So long as he is cared for and looked after it’s fine.

He could possibly have allowed it before the dementia took hold. She’s likely to have POA health and wealth. Who exactly is she stealing from??

[quote ashbashclash]@LittleMissLockdown it's a feeling I have.
I can't explain,nobody has that much credit on credit card.
It's been going on years.[/quote]
I think you're very niave to think some people don't have lots of devt. It's not uncommon for some people to have 10s of thousands on credit cards.

@Rachie1973 he will be getting pension,I'm assuming she will be spending it.
If she can't account that the money is going on her dad,she will potentially get in trouble for it.

Years and years ago someone reported me for benefit fraud(I was not guilty )
I was asked to a interview and it was awful and humiliating.
They recorded everything I said
I don't think it's fair some people actually do it and that's it.

• If they did investigate and she had to provide bank statements at least then it would be discovered. That's all I'm saying.*

Only if she's actually doing something wrong. Otherwise there's nothing to be 'discovered' is there? So far your evidence is:

You think she's spending beyond what income you think she has access to

You think she became 'awkward' when you asked her where all her money was coming from.

I used to work in Insolvency. Totally feasible for people to have tens of thousands of pounds on credit cards, as long as they're making the minimum payments.

And you're 'assuming' a lot. I won't roll out the tired trope about that.

Weekends away, concerts, buying small inexpensive things...That’s literally all you’re basing this on!

Plenty of people can afford that on a low wage. Especially if most of their day to day life is spent performing caring duties for a severely disabled person (hint: you don’t generally have much time to do much else).

You don’t even understand how credit cards work.

[quote ashbashclash]@Rachie1973 he will be getting pension,I'm assuming she will be spending it.
If she can't account that the money is going on her dad,she will potentially get in trouble for it.
[/quote]
No. She really won’t. She doesn’t have to account for it all with receipts etc. She can literally say ‘living expenses’.

Many, many of our residents have relatives with POA. We are responsible for watching over them and ensuring their wellbeing. Unless they are not having their needs met by said relatives it wouldn’t even flag a safeguarding question.

So if she is guilty...you don't think she should have to pay it back ?
Or get in trouble for fraud ?