To think people on Mumsnet are nothing like anyone I know in real life

[MustBe3OrMoreCharacterss]

On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated and quite middle class. They come across as being interested in lots of different things, most have been to university and got married etc. In real life the people I know are just, what I would consider, "normal". Some have been to college or university, some haven't. None are in fancy jobs and most rent their homes, lots of my friends had their kids out of wedlock. From some things I've read on here (not all), these would be classed as "bad decisions". Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

I don't understand all the angst around having a cleaner. For me, having a cleaner buys me time. Spending £10 an hour for 4 hours per week for the cleaner, means I can spend more time focussing on my DC (my DD3 has SEN) and have a sparkling house too.

If you have a full-time demanding job that means you are on-call outside the workplace, plus doing all the house admin and sorting of DC because you have a useless DP/DH, it makes perfect sense to me to try and make your life a little bit easier.

FWIW, OP, I think you come across as very articulate. As many other posters have said, please never feel inferior to anyone. Now I need to follow my own advice ;)

it's normal in my social circle for men and women to earn similar amounts not the "my DH earns six figures but I am a dinner lady" type scenario that seems really common on here.

I notice that too but assumed it was maybe an age thing as I'm in my 30s

I think it depends which posts you focus on. There are lots of people in all sorts of situations on here.

As another poster has already printed out, life can change at any time. I could be seen the poor relation out of most of my friends in terms of money and 'status'. I've had both some shit luck and made some shit decisions and also didn't plan for the future. It doesn't define me, I'm just as valid a person as anyone else. Going to university and being on a good position doesn't protect you from messing up - it also doesn't make you any happier if thst's not what's for you.

My friends and friendly acquaintances have a huge diversity of circumstances.
What I find in MN are far more people who:
Take things personally
Are quite confrontational and short fused with friends and family members
Get new kitchens and bathrooms a lot and describe ordinary houses as in need of lots of tarting up and decluttering
Care about cars more than anyone I know in RL
Have Yorkshire puddings and / or cauliflower cheese with everything

@MumbleBee20

At least you're not a thread killer. I think I've put a stop to about 3 conversations this week 😂🤷‍♀️ seems my social awkwardness is obvious online, as well as in real life!

Me and you both! I'm terrible for it. Please don't let me kill this one.

OP I'm 35 I don't know many people who haven't been to uni who are my generation. But I work in the cultural sector where most people are ver qualified because its quite competitive. Also both myself and my partner have post graduate degrees so you just meet people doing the same thing you're doing. So education wise I'd say it is reflective of my experience.

Money wise definitely not. Everyone on here claims to be earning six figures or husband has a big job. They also seem to live in very expensive houses. This isn't my experience at all with people I know. In general for people my age getting on the property ladder has been very hard.

Yorkshire puddings at the food of the Gods, fuck you, I'm cutting you out

I don’t see what you see op.I see a wide variety of people, from all walks of life, and no majority.

I have met quite a few people from on here (I’ve been on here for 17 years) and I can conform that they are totally normal people.

Like you OP, I am a single parent living on not much money and I didn’t go to uni 😊

There’s a mixture of people on here, the same as real life. Most my real life friends haven’t been to uni (a few have), not many have high paid jobs or big houses.

Everyone on here claims to be earning six figures or husband has a big job. They also seem to live in very expensive houses.

Some are just exaggerating a bit, some have just made it up and are indulging in their dream life online, when irl their life is a bit shit.

Mumsnet always had a middle class aspirational white majority voice tbh.
There used to be a joke that anyone who didn't fit must have wandered off from 'that other site'. I think it got more diverse and 'humble' in the last couple of years though.

Is camping a middle class thing to do? Me and DP love camping, mainly because it's cheap!

@MustBe3OrMoreCharacterss you'll find a lot of middle class people on universal credit.. Degree education, posh job.. and articulate.. It doesn't make you superior to everyone else..

See i think the opposite - MN is half full of over dramatic women "shaking" half the time because their neighbour looked at their car or something equally innocuous, and the other half are together us do golfers who never think badly of anyone, do it say anything awful and never ever judge anybody and have "never met anyone who judges people". Totally detached from real life.

There was a thread yesterday that MNHQ eventually took down because it turned so nasty. A woman who'd just had a baby posted that she was fed up of looking after her DP's 15yo dog who stinks, shits everywhere, barks all the time waking the baby and who she is bow expected to walk 3 times a day after their dog Walker died. She was getting to the point of wanting to move out it was so bad.

It was a blood bath. She got called "misery guts" "fucking awful" "animal abuser" "heartless" and even "bitch" and a "cunt". It's one of those ridiculously surreal threads that gets so out of hand you begin to wonder if the whole things a wind up.

IRL with pretty much all the people I know if a mate said that to them the response would be "Sounds like a fucking nightmare, but hey it'll be dead soon, in the meantime find a dog walker or go stay elsewhere until you feel you can go back." Because I know normal people not hysterical weirdos.

OP, there are certain facts that I've only discovered about my friends in recent years that you would consider to be less than ideal, and it's because people don't typically reel off all the bad things that ever have happened to them without cause. If you were around at the time, they possibly would have told you, but if it's in the past - it takes a long time to come out organically. Anyone in your circle who appears to be "perfect" may well not be.

The people in my various friendship circles are quite diverse, but I didn't always know that, because they became my friends all quite accidentally. Some I worked with, some I went to school with, some I met at a hobby - I didn't grill them on their life choices or childhood, they're just people who I got talking to who seemed nice and who have stuck around since then.

I don't think everyone is living off credit, which seems to be a popular theory on the internet. However, I do think most people have survived some hard stuff, and they don't all wear it on their sleeves unless there's a reason to (such as empathising with you over a similar situation). In the nicest possible way, you're probably a lot less unique in your circle than you think.

*righteous do gooders not together us do golfers 🤣🤣

I need to start proof reading my posts

In real life, I don’t know anybody who “sobs and shakes.” It must be a MN thing.

@Funkypolar

In real life, I don’t know anybody who “sobs and shakes.” It must be a MN thing.

And it's always over absolutely nothing.

"Someone just beeped at me because I cut them up in my car. Im really quite upset, I'm bow at home sobbing and shaking."

Don't be a shit driver then, dickhead.

I just think nice/funny or not nice when thinking about folks on here.
I am surprised by the amount of nastiness sometimes, people say things that I never here in reality and I spend a large part of my working hours in the company of criminals/suspected criminals.
Someone posted about having completed their Christmas shopping and lamenting the fact that their child or step child had changed their mind about what they wanted. Someone actually bothered to reply and crow about the op being a "smug Christmas shopper" and "ha ha-ing" about it. I really wonder about what type of life that that person and the people around them have.
Those type of posts stand out to me, and, of course the ones where the posters are really lovely and/or funny.
I don't care about background, although sometimes it's relevant in the post, I don't care about grammar or spelling, as long as I can understand the post. I just like to know people have a heart.

"Hear in reality" not "here.

There was a glorious post during peak Covid. One was a retail worker who was “sobbing and shaking” because another poster went to a supermarket to buy a bar of chocolate. Then that poster was “sobbing and shaking” too and then both posters claimed to be physically sick from the stress of it all. Then the post got deleted.

I don’t know anybody in real life who is acting like that over posts on a forum.

"Mumsnet is very typical of my circle, in that we are all uni educated, well-spoken, have professional jobs, earn decent wages, and own their homes. Thinking about it, at 40, I don't know anyone who rents or is on benefits."

And this is typical. I'm not well educated, my friends are not generally uni educated,
Nor well spoken, but we all earn decent wages, own our own homes.
Swings and Roundabout op.

It's easier depending on where you live.

@Sobeyondthehills the fruit desert poster is still around
Op - what I actually enjoy about MN is the fairly wide demographic. Yes educated, articulate posters do tend to stand out though.

Not sure where I sit really. Speak with a very distinctive “sarf London” accent - bit was privately educated and live in a “posh area” (though feel sometimes like an imposter). Am one if the six figure earners - but though my own hard work.

I have two best friends - one who is very working class and a GM at 38 - the other who went to oxford and married a chap who is somehow distantly related to royalty. Both are lovely - bo Th are different - and I thin MN is sort of an extension of that.

I know lots of articulate, well educated women in real life, mainly through my work and from university. I know barely any SAHMs at all.

I also know hardly anyone who is quite so insistently politically correct or aggressive about a particular word that they think is mildly offensive as some posters are on mumsnet. Well, I guess I knew a very few, mainly on Facebook, but I ended up defriending and/or blocking them! Who needs the Stasi in real life!

In real life I don’t know of anyone who lives in a tiny village and has safari suppers and a village Christmas nativity with sheep bedecked in fairy lights. But with Covid I guess that won’t be happening this year.