To think people on Mumsnet are nothing like anyone I know in real life

[MustBe3OrMoreCharacterss]

On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated and quite middle class. They come across as being interested in lots of different things, most have been to university and got married etc. In real life the people I know are just, what I would consider, "normal". Some have been to college or university, some haven't. None are in fancy jobs and most rent their homes, lots of my friends had their kids out of wedlock. From some things I've read on here (not all), these would be classed as "bad decisions". Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

@MustBe3OrMoreCharacterss I don't know anyone who would own up to having one, that's different .

@Boatonthehorizon I’m a teacher and I earn 50k.

OP it’s just a different cross-section of society that’s all. We tend to surround ourselves with similar people and assume that’s the norm. I don’t know anyone who rents, perhaps through work but not that I know of renting. I know lots on all different wages though, many who have kids in or out of wedlock. I wouldn’t worry about people on the internet, they could all be lying for all you know.

@Pickypolly lots of ‘ordinary’ people have Cleaner’s these days £20 a week for a two hour clean i wouldn’t say it’s only people on high incomes.

I often feel inferior on here

Please don't feel inferior. There are some lovely people on MN, and some of them even seem "real". However, there are a number of superior types who can be rather unpleasant and seem to believe that being well educated and having a huge salary makes them experts on everything - just ignore them.

Opposite is true, OudRose: most people know mostly people very much like themselves. It's a known thing called homophily.

MNers are amazingly uptight, anxious, intolerant & over-emotional to everything. I barely know anyone IRL like that. The only person I can think of like that IRL is my step-sis (and even she is fairly tolerant). Otherwise she is not someone I would have ever encountered without a family connection.

I don't know a lot of ambitious people, either.

If people lie and exaggerate on social media, they will on an anonymous forum too.

I take everything with a pinch of salt.

I don't know anyone in real life who's on Mumsnet.

But everyone I know in real life has uni education, has a property. Not necessarily a high salary, loads of civil servants in my family.

@PlanetSlattern

*I think it's unusual to only know people who are just like you. I know people from all walks of life, with a range of education/interests/wealth etc.*

I don't think it's unusual... I work with a lot of people from different backgrounds but I'm still good friends with the people I went to school with. Reading stuff like this makes me feel bad, like I lead a very sheltered life. (I almost certainly do, not sure what to do about it.)

OP, I probably come across as reasonably articulate. I work in the media so my job is words-based and I feel comfortable expressing opinions here.

However, I have learnt such a lot from reading about others' experiences on here. I am ashamed to think how judgemental I used to be and try to catch myself when I am being judgmental now. (I don't always succeed.) It is a very useful learning tool. So many people express things on here in a way I never could. I love it.

Please don't feel self-conscious. We all have something to learn from each other.

Thank you. It is easy to feel self conscious when you read on here about people with their high flying careers and you are on benefits. I don't come think I come across as articulate and that often stops me from posting. It's so silly really. But you're so right, we all have something to learn from each other.

At least you're not a thread killer. I think I've put a stop to about 3 conversations this week 😂🤷‍♀️ seems my social awkwardness is obvious online, as well as in real life!

See that’s £80 a month which is 1.5 weeks food shop for me and my family.
It is such a lot of money and to me seems to be a big luxury, beyond the realms of my life.

I think I have definitely seen a range and I'm fairly new to posting on here!

I guess it all depends on the topic of conversation.

Some of the threads I think I really fit in, others had me questioning everything!

I saw one recently asking about people's savings (mine being modest to none!) and it seemed everyone in that thread had soooooooo much money, I thought ohhhh no, I do not have my life together

On the other hand, I quite like it, as lots of these conversations I might never really have openly with my friends or family, it's almost like I can be more myself on here!

I so get what you mean with the way people come across in Mumsnet I feel like an imposter!! But I do think some people hide behind a screen and can be who they want on here. Who would know after all??
As others have said some of the replies on here are unbelievable and I've never met anyone as nasty in real life, it's the anonymity !

Don't feel inferior! You sound really sweet and a good mum, no one is better than anyone else regardless of class, money, work, marriage whatever xx

Well 95% of people I know went to
uni, are married, have careers, own a home etc so that's "normal" to me.
However the norm on MNs is to earn 50k plus, & put it all into a pension & or savings at age 30, I don't know many of those.

You're right. Some of the things I see on here make my head spin. It's a different world. I'm from a very working class family (although I did go to uni) and the people I know in real life are poles apart.

No one that knows me knows I'm on mumsnet. If anyone in rl asked me I'd scoff and say "nah" . Yet here I am.
41yo unmarried mum of 2dc. Living with dp. University educated yet currently employed. Previous role paid nmw. Renting.

It's very much like my day to day life, but then I live a comically middle class, chattering class existence and live in SW London.

@emilybrontescorsett

Well said. Although you missed out being a size 0 and eating only a stick of celery and handful of grapes per day.

Loving how everyone is falling over themselves trying to prove their working class credentials, as though the OP punched them in the face by suggesting that they may posh.
Seriously though, yes MN is not representative of general population. Also talking about your achievements in everyday life may be seen as crass, as success is an insult in our British society. Anonymity means people can be more open about their successes.

I've used MN as a SAHM with a high earning husband and a cleaner, and now as a FT working parent with my DH earning nothing and certainly no cleaner . I'm not a high earner, I do own a house (with a hefty mortgage as no financial help available from families), and although I have a pension, it's minuscule. Life isn't linear, but MN is always a source of entertainment and support.

Much of it resonates with me. I don’t know anyone who had children before being married and pretty much everyone I know if a high earner. But I don’t know anyone who camps or has children with ridiculous names. I don’t know anyone who lives in the country or has any desire to, or who knows proper posh people who live in dirty houses with old knackered cars. The one thing I imagine is that the majority of posters are white Christian with very little understanding of cultural differences and people with different customs and traditions. Very middle England

@emilybrontescorsett

I don't think MN are representative of the population by any stretch of the imagination. Lots of posters on here claim to be earning six figure salaries, have a hatred for all inclusive holidays preferring to drive for hours cramped up in a car to go camping. They call their kids Tarquin, Lottie and Hugo. Drive for hours and spend copious amounts on their aunt's next door neighbour's cousin's nephew's daughter's wedding, whom they haven't seen for 10 years. Yet would never, ever travel abroad for their best friend's wedding. They don't go on hen dos and everyone's husband has a hobby which is so unique to mention it would be outing. It's also perfectly fine for their husband to go on a stag do to Prague or Amsterdam as of course the only reason they are going is to take on the architecture. They also believe that if you lose your job it's totally fine as you can feed a family of 4 for a week on one whole chicken and a packet of lentils, and you can simply take on some ironing to earn extra money.

Yes! xD

I think most people do mainly know people similar to them in lots of ways. Most of my circle of friends are people I went to school or uni with, people I’ve worked with, parents of children who went to baby groups/nursery with my kids. As a result most people I know are uni educated. I don’t think of us as high earners and many of our friends earn more than us but our individual net incomes are both above the national household average so in reality I suppose we sort of are. Most people I know have a cleaner, own their homes (some have already paid off their mortgages) and have a fair amount of savings or a large amount of stuff/holidays. I think it’s easy for people in that position to lose sight of the fact it isn’t the norm across the whole population which goes someway to explaining how people can sometimes be. People are also ruder online I think. I am certainly a lot blunter on here than I would generally be in real life sometimes and more willing to say things that I wouldn’t elsewhere because I couldn’t be bothered with falling out with a friend over something like disliking dogs or not being able to stand Boris Johnson. I’m in the north and we are all meant to support Labour but most people I know lean more right than left

The only thing I would comment on, is the number of posters who have massive issues with their MIL. In my real life I don't know anyone who does.

I find it so interesting reading these replies. I don't have a cleaner and I don't know anyone with a cleaner. I genuinely think if I told my friends that I wanted a cleaner they would laugh at me.