To think people on Mumsnet are nothing like anyone I know in real life

[MustBe3OrMoreCharacterss]

On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated and quite middle class. They come across as being interested in lots of different things, most have been to university and got married etc. In real life the people I know are just, what I would consider, "normal". Some have been to college or university, some haven't. None are in fancy jobs and most rent their homes, lots of my friends had their kids out of wedlock. From some things I've read on here (not all), these would be classed as "bad decisions". Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

Class definition is a slippery fish. Working class is only accurate if you work. If you don't have a job, you are not working, so cannot be working class. Arguably many MC people work longer hours in more stressful jobs than most working class people, even if they are not physically exhausted at the end of the day. And many jobs carry little social status, but are essential to the functioning of society.

Traditionally we had A, B C1, C2, D and E as socio-economic classifications in which A was professionally qualified with (at the minimum) a degree and post graduate qualification usually including head teachers, bank managers and GPs; B was teachers, nurses, book-keepers, as well as entrepreneurs and mid level business managers. C1 were the skilled artisans who were also small businesses, like time served tradesmen, and big-machine operators. C2 were clerical, secretarial, delivery and factory operatives without management responsibilities. D was retail, postal workers and basic nursing or care. E were casual and unskilled workers. That hieronomy evolved In the 1960s or 70s and is outdated. But bits of it are still applicable.

@Ginfordinner

I don't know anyone male or female who earns over £100k.

Me neither.

"Traditionally we had A, B C1, C2, D and E as socio-economic classifications in which A was professionally qualified with (at the minimum) a degree and post graduate qualification usually including head teachers, bank managers and GPs; B was teachers, nurses, book-keepers, as well as entrepreneurs and mid level business managers. C1 were the skilled artisans who were also small businesses, like time served tradesmen, and big-machine operators. C2 were clerical, secretarial, delivery and factory operatives without management responsibilities. D was retail, postal workers and basic nursing or care. E were casual and unskilled workers. That hieronomy evolved In the 1960s or 70s and is outdated. But bits of it are still applicable."

These are still used by market researchers. I was stopped by someone who asked my job title, but not my category. She marked me down as a B, which made me laugh because my job was C (inflated job title). I suppose she thought people didn't know what they meant, but these classifications are pretty well known.

I disagree with you on C1 and C2 though. C1 is clerical/admin support, C2 is more manual and it's between C1 and C2 that you generally get the split between white and blue collar. Of course C2 and D may earn more than C1, but that's a different matter.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NRS_social_grade

"My observation is that you tend to see extremes on MN - either the type you mention who disinfect everything after use, or people who come on to say they change their bedding once a year and last washed their bra in 1987."

Not really. The average on MN clearly tends to be the hygiene freaks. It's not an equal split.

Though maybe if you're super clean you want to boast about it, if you're a bit grubby you dont

wellthat's -" But actually, that leads me to another thing I wanted to ask you about. Isn't a lot of it self belief? I'm trying so hard so instil that in my teenage daughter. She's a high achiever academically but just doesn't have any belief in herself at all. And then I blame myself because although I talk the talk to her, I'm pretty sure she can see the crumbling mess underneath because she is smart enough to know that my lack of career has been a great sadness to me."

I had to do a fair bit of work today so didn't spot the question. Lots of people either cannot or don't want to make a lot of money and that's fine. For those who do but don't think they will be able to manage it I don't know what the answer to that is - just let them see a lot of women who earn a lot.

I found it very interesting someone just above said they knew no woman who earned £100k (or was it any person at all)? I know masses who don't of course but even just in our family my daughters and I do (and possible my potential lawyer sons (students) will in London doing law although we shall see), my doctor sibling earns well over £100k. My son in law does. My father (doctor) did I think and obviously if 20% of pupils go to private school for sixth form in London as I believe they do plenty of those parents (whom I know) earn loads of money, many very much more than I ever have or will.

Also clients I advise - they are all business clients and they are often richer than the lawyers and accountants who advise them - we are the service providers who simply serve their needs; the clients who own the businesses tend to be the rich ones. Even the street I grew up on near Jesmond Dene in Newcastle we had Bell the Builder (bellway), a man who owned a chain of betting shops further down the road and the scrap metal man - the Shepherds (who went on to buy newcastle united), then some houses were developed on the road for footballers at newcastle U. Even before they moved in the house 2 doors up was owned by a family that owned a shipyard etc. Not that I went around socialising with the neighbours as a teenager but just that street in NE England would have had a lot of people earning over £100k so it is not even just a London issue.

Anyway I had better get to bed as I've work to finish before about 9am tomorrow and want to get on with some work on a hedge too.

Xenia there is no-one in my family or circle of friends who earns over £100k. We live nowhere near London, and my friends aren't lawyers or doctors. A fair few are retired.

The average salary in my area is just over £31k.

All of my friends except two of them sent their children to state school.

Jesmond Dene is lovely BTW.

I think it's quite London weighted here as the average poster you described is pretty similar to my London circle of friends.

However I love love hen dos abroad/weddings, own a loo brush and take my shoes off indoors. How vulgar

I more or less fit the demographic that you describe OP, but it makes me sad to think that you would be put off chatting to me because we have different backgrounds/lifestyles. The thing that most of us (though not all) have in common is being, or wanting to be, parents and surely we can share views and advice without our financial/home situations mattering all that much? I got a huge amount of support for a couple of years on the infertility boards and I have no idea what the education or job or homeownership status was of most of the lovely women who kept me sane on there.

One thing I do notice is that MN seems to attract a much higher proportion of women who have anxiety issues than we come across IRL. I’ve lost count of the number of threads I’ve read where a poster is torturing herself about some sort of social interaction and then reveals several posts in that she suffers from anxiety. The reason for this is obvious- anxious people are more likely to seek reassurance on an Internet forum. But it just goes to show that you cannot really expect it to be properly reflective of real life.

Well, yes, if you’re at home for much of the time you have more time to mull over just about everything, and then more time to spend on MN talking about it - and everyone else’s issues too!

What bothers me is the amount of angry posters who seem permanently taut and eager to attack. I steer clear of the coronavirus threads because some people were horrendously nasty. I only hope they’re not as unpleasant in real life and MN is a therapeutic outlet (although it’s hard on the posters they use as outlet punch bags).

Yes, people are quite angry, not everyone by any means but some. I suspect it is just a nice outlet for them and I would rather they wrote angry things on line than hit their husband or toddler or planned an attack on the state. I think it is important we respect the ideas of other. Eg I have always understood the views of those against abortion - that it is a life you are destroying - that is one viewpoint. I am instead in favour of our current abortion laws but that does not mean I think those with other views are dreadful people. Same on other issues - I voted remain as did all our family , Tory, Labour, Green all of us.... That does not mean I think brexiteers are wicked or stupid. We just need a bit more peace and love.

On Gin's point about not knowing anyone on £100k I was just interested in that. My doctor sibling works in Leeds. My doctor father again also on that (now sadly dead) worked in Newcastle all his life so even out of London we know people on higher wages. I do wonder sometimes if outside London you have less mixing between the classes than in the massive melting pot of London where I live actually. We have all kinds of people rich and poor near me but when I was dating someone in Devon for example (who also was on over £100k) and indeed when I was in Northumberland with friends there seemed to be more of a class and income division than we get in London that perhaps people mix less, that the older traditional divides perhaps exist to a larger extent although that is a bit unfair even with hunting you get people of all income levels in the countryside taking part. Not that people talk off line much about what they earn in the UK - we just have to guess from clues as unlike the Americans we don't go on about money in the same way.

I would say that DH and I are quite comfortable and would class ourselves and our friends as middle class. I just don't know any lawyers, and the only doctor I know on a personal basis works part time, so maybe pro rata she earns over £100k.

I really do think you move in completely different circles to me Xenia.

My husband's background is engineering, I have friends who are in social work, the civil service and teaching, plus several retired friends.

Plus we live in an area that doesn't traditionally have the kind of jobs in the financial sector, law or other highly paid jobs.

I am aware that there are highly paid people in all parts of the UK, but most people tend to get to know each other through study, work, hobbies or where you live. Someone on £100k wouldn't be living where we do, they would have an unpleasant commute to where the £100k jobs are if they did and they are unlikely to be working the hours I do (part time).

I know a lot of people who went to private school but who either don't earn much or don't work at all, so I don't know what that makes me!

I'm also not in London and I certainly know people who earn over £100k, including women (dentists), business people, and there's also a lot of inherited wealth about in rural areas.

I don't think the Internet in general is at all representative of society as a whole, as most people in full time professional jobs either don't have the time or have workplace policies against it. I know it's discouraged for many lawyers in certain public practice areas, and it probably isn't too well regarded in private practice - you don't want to see your solicitor engaging in Internet slanging matches on politics! I use a false name on Facebook and don't have any other sm.

I think it depends what threads you're reading. I also think it's reasonable to know a range of different people IRL. DP and I have DS but aren't married and don't have any intention to get married. I know some married people, but mostly the people I know don't seem to get married. DP is a sole trader and I work for NHS. I earn more than him. We're happy generally. I did go to uni and we know some wealthier people that I met there who fit more into the marriage before children and more conservative leanings type of people. I think we're "normal" but I suppose some people would disagree!

@GreenlandTheMovie

most people in full time professional jobs either don't have the time or have workplace policies against it

I know you’re talking about the internet more broadly but this always interests me as I it seems the #1 reason for disbelieving women are high earners/professionals on MN is time.

I’m in Xenia’s camp on this: I use MN as my “water cooler moments” during the working day. When I’m waiting for the kettle to boil or have a few mins between calls I often flick on to MN.

When we could actually get out an about I was often MNing from taxis or planes or just whilst waiting for the lift. I find it really breaks up the relentlessness of a busy day and I’m sure I have more time than the average retail worker who likely doesn’t have access to their phone.

I agree pegasus and also the higher up I've got, the more likely I've been able to wfh (in my job it's possible) meaning I'm not sat among people all day so can see what I'm doing. Also you tend to get a bit more flexibility on when you do your work so I'll often have dead time during the day because I'm waiting on something. Finally more and more of my work is about thinking things through, rather than task based. I actually choose to dick about on the Internet as a distraction when i can't quite get my hat around a work thing and i need to just not think about it for a while so i can come at it fresh

*head! (i don't wear a hat to work ;)

@CheetasOnFajitas

One thing I do notice is that MN seems to attract a much higher proportion of women who have anxiety issues than we come across IRL. I’ve lost count of the number of threads I’ve read where a poster is torturing herself about some sort of social interaction and then reveals several posts in that she suffers from anxiety. The reason for this is obvious- anxious people are more likely to seek reassurance on an Internet forum. But it just goes to show that you cannot really expect it to be properly reflective of real life.

Well, yes, but also many people don't admit they have problems in real life. In my real life I know a lot of people with anxiety, some of whom take medication for it.

I only use it when I don't have enough work Pegasus. I get a high hourly rate but not enough hours (ad hoc contract) which is fine for my financial situation. But if was working more, I wouldn't be on here at all. I did de-register when work was busier last year.

I don't know many full timers in my field who use the Internet forums a lot, vwherras I do know quite a few who don't them at all.

Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).
No you aren't thank fuck.
If I had to live in MN world I'd be fucked.

I’m in Xenia’s camp on this: I use MN as my “water cooler moments” during the working day. When I’m waiting for the kettle to boil or have a few mins between calls I often flick on to MN.

Same. As my career has progressed, I've had more time, not less, to myself and I do choose to use some of that additional time on MN.

@7Days

Though maybe if you're super clean you want to boast about it, if you're a bit grubby you dont

Well, definitely, after being told that having a sink wash is 'vile' some people will just stop contributing.

I work for myself and also use it for water cooler moments or when printing off documents 😀

Don’t concern myself with my friends and peers earnings but when we were in the City reckon most people earned nearly £100k or more now we in are in the south west less I would imagine.