To think people on Mumsnet are nothing like anyone I know in real life

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On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated and quite middle class. They come across as being interested in lots of different things, most have been to university and got married etc. In real life the people I know are just, what I would consider, "normal". Some have been to college or university, some haven't. None are in fancy jobs and most rent their homes, lots of my friends had their kids out of wedlock. From some things I've read on here (not all), these would be classed as "bad decisions". Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

Hmmm I had my child out of wedlock and didn't go to university.
But , I'm articulate ( I hope ) , have lots of interests and had a ' fancy' career until covid came along !
It takes all sorts really .
In fact , I could be Queen Elizabeth typing this message and no one would even know !

@PegasusReturns

I can only conclude that the vast majority are lying (they will soon rock up and hijiack this thread)

It lacks a certain amount of imagination to assume that people with a different lifestyle to your own can only work within your own parameters (a difference of opinion isn’t a hijack btw).

I’ve seen hundred of people claim that @Xenia is a fictional creation. I’m pretty sure I know who she is in RL (you don’t know me but I’ve read several interviews you’ve done over the years - you’re recognisable )

I'm pretty sure I know who Xenia is too and as I stated a few posts back, I live a life that is as far removed from London legal circles as it's possible to get. But I am inquisitive, well educated and well read.

Even if Xenia isn't who I think she is, it wouldn't mean she is fictional because there is clearly more than one well paid female in the legal profession.

I also don't understand people assuming that anyone whose life is different from mine is lying. I don't know the Queen but it doesn't mean she can't possibly exist...(although I'd be shocked if she were posting on Mumsnet )

wellthat, I am sorry your family would not allow you out to go to the library. I do understand lots of women are limited by their family background. In fact the way my family got out of poverty (coal mines, NE England) was education particularly since the 1870 education act when suddenly for many for the first time there was state education and they could learn to read etc. and then when women became able to go to university. I try to avoid talking about individual posters unless they want to discuss something and everyone's situation is different.

I am not going to post my identity online but I suspect given the number of people above who do know of me I am probably not one who is making things up.

As for having time to post I have worked from home since 1994 so since about 2001 when the internet started to take off chatting on line became the office water cooler short break from work kind of thing. Also office workers do have more time even if the working day is long to do other things, whereas my son who drives a food delivery van for a living in that kind of job (£22k a year) cannot be posting on line as his hands are physically on the driving wheel when working.

It is very good for people to see on MN how other people live and their views as we are quite a divided country at times although that ebbs and flows over the decades and people can end up in a cocoon only with others with the same views or income level that they have. Mind you I seem to have bred 5 children all with very different views which can be quite hard work at times - I envy the women who have bred clones of themselves......

@PegasusReturns

I can only conclude that the vast majority are lying (they will soon rock up and hijiack this thread)

It lacks a certain amount of imagination to assume that people with a different lifestyle to your own can only work within your own parameters (a difference of opinion isn’t a hijack btw).

I’ve seen hundred of people claim that @Xenia is a fictional creation. I’m pretty sure I know who she is in RL (you don’t know me but I’ve read several interviews you’ve done over the years - you’re recognisable )

I'm not denying that high earners do exist and they could potentially be MNers, but you can't deny that there are fantasists on here making stuff up and that their stories don't quite add up - they get very defensive when people catch them out. You get them on all forums and you just have to filter out their BS. If you read the thread you will see that In not the only one who thinks this.

People talk too much about wealth and money on these boards - pointless knowing numbers without knowing context around their lives and people's age, location, age of children etc. Even if we all had stacks of money it can easily be lost - husband's secret gambling, illness, redundancy. There have been many of those stories on here and we have all seen it in real life.

MNers who have been around longer to see this are trying to reassure the OP that not all of what they read may be true and I don't see any harm in that. I see MN as a place for advice and discussion that is helpful, not to trash people's self esteem.

wellthat, I am sorry your family would not allow you out to go to the library

I do need to clarify that I wasn't a prisoner in my home or anything and I was encouraged to go to university but it had to be university close to home, and I was told it was very selfish to want to pursue a career. The lack of freedom to go to the library etc was as much a safety issue as anything else, in view of the situation we were living in. Parents didn't want their teenagers out and about in case they got caught up in something.

Thanks for the responses. I'm on my own with a 6 month old and on universal credit. I didn't go to university. I often feel inferior on here. 

You should never allow yourself to feel inferior to people, especially based on education, job role or wealth. You never know on here who people are on here, the doctor may well be another person on UC playing out being someone else, as they feel inferior.

If you are a kind person within good intentions you should never allow yourself to feel inferior.

Yes, some people are different on here, I have friends from all walks of life who have been through all different situations, but people on here still shock me with their views at times, but you have to remember it is only a small proportion of society so not a fair view of society as a whole.

My impression is of women with humungous boobs, wear pyjamas all day, won’t answer the door, won’t let workmen use their loo, have bridezillas as friends and have toxic families, think that most people take drugs, won’t consider anything other than F & B for paint, loves winter and hates summer (generally anyone who lives in London), has no idea of the geography of Britain, have awful partners/husbands, loves chocolate, hates tea, is addicted to diet Coke, earn six figure salaries and own huge houses or are on a minimum wage renting a flat with a rubbish landlord.

Some threads are very supportive - IME generally the education threads, and some threads are just an excuse for some posters to vent their nastiness.

I think this says more about the threads I click on than other posters

well., yes I understand. In fact my children's father's sister in law was forced to leave school before what were then O levels because he did not believe in girls getting an education which is appalling. I was very pleased when she took GCSEs as an adult. It is not easy for people although the internet for those rich enough to have it has made some things easier than in the old days.

Nor would I want someone who did not go to university to feel inferior! Our intrinsic worth is not determined by educational level. People with more money or higher qualifications do not go around thinking they are the bee's knees superior beings. We are just other women. if we can help those less well off to enable their daughters to make wise career choices to much the better.

if we can help those less well off to enable their daughters to make wise career choices to much the better.

I do value the advice you have given here because I am able to advise my own daughter in a way that wasn't available to me.

I'm not living in abject poverty, we're doing ok as a family but it has been a long struggle to get here and frankly I would like my own children to get there 20 years earlier than we did.

But actually, that leads me to another thing I wanted to ask you about. Isn't a lot of it self belief? I'm trying so hard so instil that in my teenage daughter. She's a high achiever academically but just doesn't have any belief in herself at all. And then I blame myself because although I talk the talk to her, I'm pretty sure she can see the crumbling mess underneath because she is smart enough to know that my lack of career has been a great sadness to me.

I have 2 DC under 4, and a mortgage of £1.5k, meaning that before anything else is spent in a month, I need to have a minimum of £3.5k coming in. If I didn't have the job I do, I'd have had to make vastly different choices.

One thing I'd always advise my DC to do is to aim to always be self-sufficient and independent. I'm hugely grateful that my parents, who were both nurses, so we weren't well off, my dad in particular, supported me in my education, self-belief and sense of drive. It's got me to a senior position in finance, which sometimes I can't quite believe.

I appreciate that not everyone comes from a family which champions them in this way, but to be so incredulous to conclude that people similar must be lying I find to be odd.

I do agree a huge amount of posting on Mumsnet is either made up or trolling- however, what I've noticed or what I believe anyway, is that it often tends to be about events/things that just happened/draws people in or tragedies. Posting about how you decided in your mid-thirties to move sideways into finance and it worked out really well for you is not of this order (no twins, no drama mid thread, no dead relative, no 'bad' husband to attract ire).

It's like there's a great thread at the moment about being 50. Now a poster could rock up and pretend about their life at 50 (or even not be 50 plus gasp!) but it would be a very boring experience for them and us. I believe the people on that thread are all 50 plus (ish) musing about life because they sound like my friends!

So, just because some things are fabricated doesn't mean everything is, and I think the threads about careers often aren't, they have much more authenticity than 'my husband's ex-wife has just had twins and one is called after my dead grandma, she's coming around in 20 min, what shall I do' (although I'm sure many naming threads are also genuine!)

A mortgage of 1.5k sounds normal to me. Don't think anyone I know well has a mortgage less than 1k.

However that is considered extremely high on MNs mortgage threads which always surprises me.

MNers are generally very well off. Any thread about shopping will confirm this, the suggestions are usually expensive ones and then they will mention cheap shops that are ones I find expensive.
I also remember one thread where someone said 'don't you have a spare room?' as if it would be really strange not to have one. I also find that most people here have more than one bathroom, which is something I rarely see in real life, maybe two toilets, but not two bathrooms.
Their idea of a 'decent' wage is also totally skewed. For decent wage campaigns, it's about £12 an hour. 'Decen't on MN means very high and something like 60k minimum.

Of course this is not everyone, but on average MNers are much wealthier than the average person in real life.

I always find it funny that the people earning 100k as a part time salary on here also have the time to post constantly on this site actually, there's lots of research to show people higher up the socio-economic scale have less stress than those lower down, and they are often able to manage their time themselves even if they work really long hours. Look at Bill Clinton, he managed to fit in all those affairs whilst being the President! People in minimum wage jobs or call centre jobs often have their time micro-managed or timed now on their computers (which alert if they don't type within a certain time point). My job (which isn't 100k for sure) is extremely flexible, I can work in the middle of the night, I always work on weekends, but I can also mumsnet when I like as well. Many professional jobs have high autonomy, that's why they are worth doing at higher levels because they offer more flexibility esp in relation to childcare, taking time off, mumsnetting in the middle of the day. Higher SES jobs are also often done from home, that's why lower SES job roles lead to more exposure to Covid as people have to go face to face.

A mortgage of 1.5k sounds normal to me. Don't think anyone I know well has a mortgage less than 1k

I expect quite a lot of mumsnetters would be extremely happy to have a mortgage of 1.5K

@likethatbutcat what do you mean?

"And, I know this sounds utterly bonkers, but I have never known anyone who lives in a flat."

Never lived in a city? There aren't many flats in the countryside so I can sort of understand this.
Between the age of 23 and 33, I didn't know anyone who lived in a house because I lived in a city where flats are the norm. However, a bit older now and some of my friends with children have moved into houses in the suburbs - unfortunately for me.

I don't look at the mortgage threads anymore because they annoy me, it's all £600 which is 13% of our income. Not really representative of anyone who was born in the 80s/90s & owns in London.

@OudRose

I think it's unusual to only know people who are just like you. I know people from all walks of life, with a range of education/interests/wealth etc.

Well that all depends on opportunity doesn't it?

If you're a stay at home mum in a town or village with a strong demographic and no routine of going elsewhere and meeting with others, you're unlikely to mix with other people purely due to opportunity.

I socialise with all sorts of people from different backgrounds and professions but that's because I've moved jobs a lot and work in a very posh place but live somewhere which is very working class.

@emilybrontescorsett

I don't think MN are representative of the population by any stretch of the imagination. Lots of posters on here claim to be earning six figure salaries, have a hatred for all inclusive holidays preferring to drive for hours cramped up in a car to go camping. They call their kids Tarquin, Lottie and Hugo. Drive for hours and spend copious amounts on their aunt's next door neighbour's cousin's nephew's daughter's wedding, whom they haven't seen for 10 years. Yet would never, ever travel abroad for their best friend's wedding. They don't go on hen dos and everyone's husband has a hobby which is so unique to mention it would be outing. It's also perfectly fine for their husband to go on a stag do to Prague or Amsterdam as of course the only reason they are going is to take on the architecture. They also believe that if you lose your job it's totally fine as you can feed a family of 4 for a week on one whole chicken and a packet of lentils, and you can simply take on some ironing to earn extra money.

I wish I could like them post a million times . Mumsnet summed up perfectly Don't forget everyone's children are clever , tall, good-looking and never ever fat

This not them ffs

Oh yes I've never known so many good looking, tall children 😆

Although that's probably biologically as parents should think that as opposed to lying!

I don't fall into the category OP is suggesting.
I quite like the forum for learning lots of the different ways people see things. It's interesting. I have learnt to challenge my prejudices sometimes.
My take away from here is how diverse all the members of the human race are. Yet, in many ways, we're all similar.
It fascinates me.

Oh yes I've never known so many good looking, tall children

That's because they all take after their incredibly handsome fathers who can't even go to the school gate without everyone checking them out. Thank god they don't take after their mothers who are squat and not hot but mysteriously have defied the laws of mate selection to bag such a man.

[quote wallyb]@likethatbutcat what do you mean? [/quote]
Oh dear, I am an idiot......... I read it as the whole sum of the mortgage being 1.5k and thought it was a typo for 1.5M which of course is ridiculously unlikely

I'll go back in my box.