To think people on Mumsnet are nothing like anyone I know in real life

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On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated and quite middle class. They come across as being interested in lots of different things, most have been to university and got married etc. In real life the people I know are just, what I would consider, "normal". Some have been to college or university, some haven't. None are in fancy jobs and most rent their homes, lots of my friends had their kids out of wedlock. From some things I've read on here (not all), these would be classed as "bad decisions". Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

Sometimes the pack mentaility on here is frighteneing. The problem is that AIBU gets the most traffic, but its the topic where posters like to put the boot in.

It was ridiculous. Like in real life, if your friend was at the end of their tether about a problem neighbour, and as they described what was happening called one of them an offensive name, as if you'd go on and on about it and refuse to offer any help or support at all.
Some of them acted as if they'd cut all contact there and then!
It just became a ridiculous pile on.

I do think there can be a certain type on here that can turn mumsnet into an echo chamber of anti Brexit, Jeremy Corbyn loving, cooking from scratch, size 6, money loving hashtag fixated sameness. Individuality is to be feared and immediately squished.

IRL I perhaps know a couple of people like this (who surround themselves with similar) but most people know a wide variety of people. People I know range from ex heroin addicts who have been homeless to old etonians to people who are on minimum wage to high earners. I regularly come into contact with multimillionaires through work, my family all have low paying manual jobs.

I’m so glad that I have contact with a broad range of people. It’s given me perspective on life. What I’ve learned is money is a real problem at both ends of the scale, wealth, to me is nothing more to aspire to than poverty. The problems each bring are different but just as painful. Living you life comparing yourself to, and in competition with others is a life wasted.

Do what you want, wear what you want, have your own well thought out opinions, seek to do no harm, love yourself for your good bits, seek to improve the other bits, what we see of others is usually a facade. In truth the poorest people I know usually have the biggest bank balances.

In answer to your question OP, I think MN does have a pretty broad demographic now, 15+ years ago it was made up largely of the chattering classes. Not so much now. Regardless, I think it's a great resource for women of all classes and backgrounds. I've never been reticent to tell people in RL that I use it and have often signposted people to various boards.

I'm not sure why people are quite so coy about their use, it may be the word 'Mum' in the name that feeds into misogynistic ideas society has about 'mothers' or women in general and that their 'internet' chatter will be largely without worth. Their loss.

One point about the ever-present rumbling argument around women's earnings is that the oft quoted 'only 65000 women earn 150k+' is the fact that this figure only counts earners who pay PAYE.

Any self-employed, business owners, contractors, freelanceers etc etc are excluded from these figures. The majority of women I know who earn 150+ are self-employed. I believe Xenia would fall into this category.

I earn over 100k (sub-150) but wouldn't register on government indices because my legal entity is a Ltd company, not a woman.

I don't know anyone male or female who earns over £100k.

I don't believe you don't know anyone Gin. Maybe not in your immediate circle, but someone surely. I don't think it's so unusual as to be outside most people's general experience.

Most recent behaviour I've only seen on mumsnet

• the competitive kids lunchboxes
• competitive about how many showers posters have
• people getting absolutely irate about couples shopping together
• pack mentality that actually wants a posters husband to be cheating on for the sheer drama

Or maybe it is and I'm being a dick.

@ShrikeAttack

I don't believe you don't know anyone Gin. Maybe not in your immediate circle, but someone surely. I don't think it's so unusual as to be outside most people's general experience.

I am talking about friends and family, not DD's old head teacher for example. Wages where I live aren't generally anywhere in that region unless you are talking about hospital consultants or head teachers, and I don't personally know any. A lot of our friends are retired.

Things I see Kurri

Anxiety about everything. I do understand anxiety. My DD has ASD. I get it and work with her. But MN posters seem unusually anxious. It's probably because people post when they're anxious about something to get reassurance. I never realised so many people were anxious about the world though. It makes me feel a bit weird sometimes as I've never felt anxious about anything and it makes me think 'Am I odd?'

Anger about other people's behaviour. I don't notice what other people do really. Certainly their behaviour around covid isn't my business. I don't police people ever. Never have.

Don't get involved with competitive cleanth. Be it house or body. Don't care.

I am interested in friends' relationships when there's a wrong'un around. I'm never quiet about that. Women should share their wisdom. Not for drama though.

I have no interest in what people eat, drink or smoke. Unless they want to discuss food and cooking, wine, cocktails and spirits, cigars and tobacco. Then I'm all ears.

Ah ok Gin, where do you live (broadly)?

What I find strange on MN is all this talk of how much people earn. No-one I know IRL discusses their salary - certainly not with complete strangers! I couldn't care less what anyone earns, it doesn't make them any better than anyone else, so why do we need to know? Also the insistence that one needs higher education and a career to have a fulfilled life - utter rubbish. Some of us work to live, not live to work.

@eaglejulesk

What I find strange on MN is all this talk of how much people earn. No-one I know IRL discusses their salary - certainly not with complete strangers! I couldn't care less what anyone earns, it doesn't make them any better than anyone else, so why do we need to know? Also the insistence that one needs higher education and a career to have a fulfilled life - utter rubbish. Some of us work to live, not live to work.

But isn’t that, like rudeness and discussions of social class, simply a function of online anonymity?

@ShrikeAttack

Ah ok Gin, where do you live (broadly)?

We pay our council tax to Barnsley MBC.

In the years that I’ve been here I’ve made married, divorced, on benefits, unemployed, got a degree, working, remarried, had more dc, lived in bare minimum with debt, managed to save etc. Each of my names could look like a different person due to life changes.

I like the variety on mn. I’m interested in people whatever background.

I love the fact that everyone on here is different. I’ve learnt a lot from posters from different backgrounds to my own from reading other people’s viewpoints, it’s very refreshing

Snap. I don't have any friends in real life so it's hugely useful to get others viewpoints and experiences on here.

@AuntPeggy

If you haven't already, you really need to read the thread about the apron

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4072589-there-s-nothing-wrong-with-wearing-an-apron-in-the-loo?

MN is good escapism. I’ve used it for about 7 or 8 years now, I found the Christmas forum first and that’s exactly how and why I ended up with a bleeding elf on the shelf all those years ago. They were expensive and rare back then, now every other person has one. I remember reading through the famous ‘poncetastic Christmas’ thread dreaming of being so organised and wonderfully twee.

I don’t have a cleaner and I don’t know anyone who does despite my IL’s being wealthy, my grandparents are also wealthy but have always done their own cleaning- Grandma prides herself on having a pristine home. So I do marvel over the number of people on here with a cleaner.

DH and I do have degrees, I’d say we earn enough to live comfortably in the North but probably not if we were down South (although we’d earn more so unsure). We’re not wealthy by any stretch but also not poor, sort of middle ground. We have 5 children which basically means we hate the planet and are probably feckless parents according to some on MN. In reality, we put everything we have into our children and I’d say we do a decent job. Also definitely don’t hate the planet .

Most of the stuff on here probably has no relation to anyone’s real life and is mostly just posted for maximum clicks and drama especially in AIBU and the Coronavirus topics. People are bored at the moment so it is like constant half term type postings

It can be quite middle class. I live in an affluent area which is very unlike the normal working class one I grew up in and whenever the city I live is mentioned on here, it is always that area or ones very much like it.

Some of the posters sound similar to the people around me - the shopping habits (I live in a sea of Joules and Boden), spending £40,000 on a kitchen, constant house renovations, expensive cars, expensive holidays and so on. Huge mortgages too. Lots of cleaners and dog walkers.

I find it interesting to read, it is very different from my own life!

The cleaning threads are illuminating, I never knew people cleaned so much. I feel like a slattern.

A lot of people on here are upper WC or MC, and I tend to only really know WC people irl.

proper posh people who live in dirty houses with old knackered cars

I am proper, old money posh and I don't recognise the MN posh person either

@SecretSpAD

proper posh people who live in dirty houses with old knackered cars

I am proper, old money posh and I don't recognise the MN posh person either

@SecretSpAD, you mean you don't live out of tins in the former servants' quarters of your leaking Palladian mansion, and tootle around in your battered estate being humble, charming and courtly to all, in ancient but very well-cut tweeds decorated with hair from your brace of chocolate Labs?

For shame, woman. You're doing posh all wrong, I tell you.

On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated
No lets rephrase that

"On Mumsnet the majority of posters think they are articulate, witty, well educated" whether they are or not is debatable

• you mean you don't live out of tins in the former servants' quarters of your leaking Palladian mansion, and tootle around in your battered estate being humble, charming and courtly to all, in ancient but very well-cut tweeds decorated with hair from your brace of chocolate Labs?

For shame, woman. You're doing posh all wrong, I tell you*.

My Dad lives in the mansion and we're in the gate house! It is leaking though. It's always leaking because my father was stupid enough to trust the local cowboy builder back in the 90's to retile the roof (probably with tiles nicked from other people's houses).

Worse than that....I'm short and fat and so are all my family. We also all work and that kind of cuts down on the number of hours each day that we can waft around the leaky mansion polishing the family silver and we're certainly not courtly or charming towards the local cowboy builder.......
Don't even have chocolate labs.

And I'm freelance btw, hence why I'm on MN during the day in between looking at spreadsheets. My husband is a newly retired civil servant so no huge salaries here - but I do admit to a generous trust fund that kept me in vodka throughout medical school