To think people on Mumsnet are nothing like anyone I know in real life

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On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated and quite middle class. They come across as being interested in lots of different things, most have been to university and got married etc. In real life the people I know are just, what I would consider, "normal". Some have been to college or university, some haven't. None are in fancy jobs and most rent their homes, lots of my friends had their kids out of wedlock. From some things I've read on here (not all), these would be classed as "bad decisions". Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

So working class people can't be witty, articulate & well educated?

@Poppingnostopping I mean we've all seen the who do you fancy threads. Some of the choices, wtf?! no wonder some are besotted by their DHs. Beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder!

@likethatbutcat no worries.

@likethatbutcat

Apologies, I can see my post was a bit garbled.

Monthly childcare £2k
Monthly mortgage payment £1.5k
Total £3.5k without any other bills added

Total mortgage started at £400k a few years ago, and is now substantially less, thank goodness.

One of my friends lives in a fabulous house in Surrey, and pays about £200 per month for her mortgage. Her DH is a few years older, and got on the property ladder early, so made decent money each time he upgraded.

[quote eaglejulesk]@Isabelle99 - please don't feel out of place. I'm 61, unemployed, other than a few temp jobs here and there, on a JSA, have rented for almost 20 years and have no money. When I read all the posts from the well educated, well salaried types who don't know anyone who has a different lifestyle I actually feel sorry for them, and certainly don't feel inferior or out of place. I know people from all different walks of life, as do most people in this part of the world, and I believe it makes for a more tolerant well-rounded society.[/quote]
Thank you, that’s made me feel a lot better😊

I’ve seen hundred of people claim that @Xenia is a fictional creation. I’m pretty sure I know who she is in RL (you don’t know me but I’ve read several interviews you’ve done over the years - you’re recognisable

I know who Xenia is, and in fact she helped me many years ago.

Oh yes I've never known so many good looking, tall children

I think all parents think their children ar beautiful, don't they?

Actually, DD is tall, but both DH and I are.

I have learnt to challenge my prejudices sometimes.

Good point, and so have I.

I hope people from non-middle class backgrounds feel able to post, because I for one am really interested in your viewpoint, and frequently learn from you and/or change my own views as a result of points you make.

I'm from a middle class background and married into a very sheltered upper class family. Due to my type of work I rarely mix outside of those circles professionally, and the school gate is similar, though I do try. Mumsnet is a lifeline for me in terms of learning about people and views outside of my immediate circle, and trying to be more thoughtful of other's perspectives and life experience.

@Ginfordinner I do think it's normal to find your dc beautiful, I wouldn't necessarily say that's the same as saying they are good looking though.

Of course tall people & children exist , I'm 5ft 10. However I work near a large secondary school & I would not say all the 15 yo boys & girls are my height or taller which I've often seen on posts. The younger generations are certainly taller than the past but we are not the Netherlands.

@Pollaidh

I hope people from non-middle class backgrounds feel able to post, because I for one am really interested in your viewpoint, and frequently learn from you and/or change my own views as a result of points you make.

I'm from a middle class background and married into a very sheltered upper class family. Due to my type of work I rarely mix outside of those circles professionally, and the school gate is similar, though I do try. Mumsnet is a lifeline for me in terms of learning about people and views outside of my immediate circle, and trying to be more thoughtful of other's perspectives and life experience.

Sorry if this sounds a bit gushing but that was a really lovely post to read. Very few people ever actually admit to being sheltered in that respect and it is refreshing to hear from someone who recognises their position. When I started secondary school, a lot of the friends I made would have fitted into what is, I guess, the upper middle class. I love them dearly and am still friends with them now but what was absolutely infuriating to me was the fact that they seemed to have no idea they were anything but the average! And, in what was probably the magic combination of being very sheltered and solely academically focused, they have this almost complete lack of interest in other people unless it directly affected them. It is confusing and quite excruciating to talk about with them but an interest in other people in situations different from your own is so incredibly important.

I never feel very far from working class roots, actually. I grew up in NE England, go back a generation before and plenty were down the mines. At my wedding we had my mother's uncle there, a coal miner (as her father had died in an industrial accident at Sir john Priestman's shipyard when she was only 4 months old - he fell from a great height at work). I am interested in all types of people.

I think that is a family characteristic - constantly interested even if we are just sitting at a hotel or on a train - who are these people, what can we guess about them etc etc. Other people just seem different - insular. I cannot imagine not being interested in other people of all kinds.

My great grandfather's WWI record says he was 5 foot 5 and we are not that much taller today in this family. I suppose I am average UK female height 5 foot 4.5 or something like that. We are not tall and rich. We are not quite like a North Korean compared to a south one but obviously pretty short as a family which is fine.

People should always keep talking and learning from each other. I learn something new every day.

I think the posters on AIBU probably reflect your perspective but that the number of users and lurkers is much more diverse. I do think Mumsnet has a collective 'tone' and I think it's on-line with what you describe. I post (and name change regularly) but can pick out the way certain threads will go and what kind of replies will be posted. Certain threads will be like blood in the water and bring out the worst in people but others will bring the best too. I think if Mumsnet was a person she wears mid/upper brands, loves John Lewis, is slightly horrified by McDonald's, likes fresh air and can make a nutritious meal out of a stock cube and 50p despite preferring smoked salmon. She has lots of relatives though and they like to argue about cleanliness, entitlement, latterly covid adherence and probably toilet brushes.

@AuntPeggy

I think the posters on AIBU probably reflect your perspective but that the number of users and lurkers is much more diverse. I do think Mumsnet has a collective 'tone' and I think it's on-line with what you describe. I post (and name change regularly) but can pick out the way certain threads will go and what kind of replies will be posted. Certain threads will be like blood in the water and bring out the worst in people but others will bring the best too. I think if Mumsnet was a person she wears mid/upper brands, loves John Lewis, is slightly horrified by McDonald's, likes fresh air and can make a nutritious meal out of a stock cube and 50p despite preferring smoked salmon. She has lots of relatives though and they like to argue about cleanliness, entitlement, latterly covid adherence and probably toilet brushes.

I think if there's one thing that makes me feel out of place on MN, it's how uptight so many people are about cleanliness Washing towels after one use, not eating food other people have made, etc.

Oh wait, also the OTT attitudes around some foods. Yes, honey on toast or coco pops for breakfast is going to give your child a heart attack. Two slices of pizza is 'plenty' for an adult's main meal.

We are comfortably off but not what I would call wealthy (don't live in London or the SE, joint income 85k, put a reasonable amount into savings) and the thing that makes me feel out of place sometimes is how much people claim to spend on holidays?! 'Oh we budgeted 10k for our long haul holiday last year'

Oh no. Mumsnet is just like real life. I have three SILs who will all rip my head off if I phrase something in a way they don't like. I also know a lot of people who will claim that I have never experienced racism as I am white and that people who are young can never possibly have experienced real pain or real grief. Of course, I tend to avoid these people. Much to their surprise.

Hmm. Just remembered why I am rarely on Mumsnet these days.

I think if there's one thing that makes me feel out of place on MN, it's how uptight so many people are about cleanliness grin Washing towels after one use, not eating food other people have made, etc

My observation is that you tend to see extremes on MN - either the type you mention who disinfect everything after use, or people who come on to say they change their bedding once a year and last washed their bra in 1987.

The 'extremes' is true for many subjects on MN, actually.

@ballroompink the histrionics over cleanliness always makes me laugh, the race to see who can claim to be the cleanest person in the world ever and lots of swooning over other people's perceived unclean habits. I never post on those threads but always read them as they tend to be hilarious. For a bunch of mostly rationale people there's a lot of fear about knickers touching towels, air born poo particles (!) and having bins in the bathroom!

Of course, in real life it's perfectly possible to make a small chicken feed a family of four, for at least a week.

I think if there's one thing that makes me feel out of place on MN, it's how uptight so many people are about cleanliness grin Washing towels after one use, not eating food other people have made, etc.

I agree. My house is always clean and tidy, but we wash towels and bedding once a week, we dust and hoover once a week and I actually don't mind ironing (probably one of the most unmumsnetty things ever). I allow workmen to use the loo, I don't understand the angst about en suite bathrooms and I'm not precious about using public toilets.

I don't know if I'm allowed to mention it on here but mumsnet has generated some feeds on Twitter, subs on reddit that like to point out the insanity of a some threads. Then there are also the threads that land in the tabloids. Great for generating ad revenue for mumsnet but a warning to us all, to take some of the things you read on here with a bucket load of salt 😄.

Dugee

i thought you were being sarcastic, but thinking about it, some posters genuinely seem to think MN is a private club with only real and genuine posters

Must admit I watched with disbelief a thread where a sleep deprived poster with a Neighbour from Hell problem was piled on for crimes against language. It was apparently more terrible that she used "dodgy" terminology, so much so that someone who acknowledged the pressure she was under also felt obliged to remark that they hope she moved, but not next to them!

@Lowkeevslucille

There are some genuine, kind, intelligent and supportive posters in some sections but you won't find them on AIBU 😀. AIBU is like the mumsnet tabloid section, can be entertaining but a lot of it is made up.

@JoanWilderbeast

Must admit I watched with disbelief a thread where a sleep deprived poster with a Neighbour from Hell problem was piled on for crimes against language. It was apparently more terrible that she used "dodgy" terminology, so much so that someone who acknowledged the pressure she was under also felt obliged to remark that they hope she moved, but not next to them!

The vitriol aimed at the poor poster was awful wasn't it.

@Ginfordinner ive seen this mentioned in another thread, but can't find the original thread, what did she say?

@JoanWilderbeast

Must admit I watched with disbelief a thread where a sleep deprived poster with a Neighbour from Hell problem was piled on for crimes against language. It was apparently more terrible that she used "dodgy" terminology, so much so that someone who acknowledged the pressure she was under also felt obliged to remark that they hope she moved, but not next to them!

God that was awful. People are so up themselves sometimes.

[quote GlummyMcGlummerson]@Ginfordinner ive seen this mentioned in another thread, but can't find the original thread, what did she say? [/quote]
It was deleted because the vitriol was just awful.