Why am I paying to live a life I hate?

[upsetandang]

I want the dream, cottage in the countryside, long walks with several hundred dogs. Family games every night. Singing and piano for entertainment instead of horrid bratty kids shows {see horrid Henry and the like}, homecooked meals every single night.

But I'm lazy and we watch TV for family time, I don't eat at the table because the kids move too much and knock me or nick my food, we don't play board games because I get too stressed with the toddler moving pieces, 'I want a go!' every five bleeding seconds. oh and we have takeaways way more than id like.

Does anyone have the life they thought they'd have as a child? I thought I'd be a nice parent who plays all day with the kids and bakes every day and goes to the really cool park 10 miles away. But I'm barely holding it together and I shout too much. live in a shit hole, am a shithole basically.
I haven't shaved in a year, maybe more. no make up in 3.

how do I change my whole life? I want to turn it around. I'm a sahm so have the time, I'm just lacking the effort

can anyone recommend a book or a YouTube channel or something that is step by step that I can follow to a better life? I'm sick of wasting my children's childhoods

okay I left the drawer,

but I had the bath
I'm glad you did fajitas @Stircrazyschoolmum
and your paper pile
oh and I almost never checked in
how about a new goal for tomorrow?
mine is sort through kids books and fill up the book shelf
et toi

Argh! Completely forgot to set new goals for today!

• Monday is food delivery and weekend recovery (mud off/ pet hair off floors, clutter away)

• Pasta or pizza tea as everyone has clubs/work (admittedly remote now)
• For fun, watch second half of Im a Celeb prog with DD as it got too late last night

Not very exciting I’m afraid but that’s our standard non insta Monday!

@upsetandang you need some fun/self care in your list. Do the kids like leaf kicking?

I am definitely coasting through on his effort. thats the truth. its shameful

No, it's not. He has 6 days of calm and 1 day of chaos. You have 6 days of chaos and 1 day of marginally-calmer.

Great that he does baking with the kids - let that go from your mental jobs pile. Do you get a bit of down-time while he bakes with them? Take the slightly-quieter time for you. Don't try and cram more into it.

I learnt pretty quickly when the kids were young that I desperately needed to look after myself as well as them.

No, it's not. He has 6 days of calm and 1 day of chaos. You have 6 days of chaos and 1 day of marginally-calmer
Very true. Before lockdown I worked a bust night shift in a call centre it was bliss especially the lunch breaks, then I'd quieter periods chatting to other adults.
He has it far easier and is able to work because you carry the load for him.
You're a team.

*busy

I’ve read the whole thread and just wanted to add something about you ‘coasting through’ on your DH’s efforts. That’s brilliant that he is a good dad and wants to spend quality time with his kids. But that’s the way it should be when he’s working six days a week. You shouldn’t beat yourself up because he has more energy to do fun things with them. You’re doing the daily grind of relentless childcare with them so of course you don’t have as much energy for doing the fun stuff. They benefit from the security of having you around 24/7 and don’t need that intense quality time from you.

I think it’s great that you want to make some small changes, but as PPs have said you need to stop the negative self-talk and cut yourself some slack.

@Stircrazyschoolmum 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

woah OP you have a newborn! and 3 more kids! give yourself a break!

@Stircrazyschoolmum
okay today I moved the living room around and watched desperate housewives (I'm a decade behind i know) dh put up a bookcase so it needed rearranging to fit.
something fun- organised all of my books

off to do a million dishes before dinner

I don't know about you but this is making me feel like I've accomplished something
woohoo

@upsetandang well done hun, you are rocking it! I used to love Desperate Housewives.. which one are you?!?

@Stircrazyschoolmum
I want to be bree but I'm definitely lynette f for sure
which one are you

I know people nominate the “fun” threads Korean lady/Pom bear etc for classics, but for me THIS is mumsnet classic.
Rallying around. It’s very nice to see.

@upsetandang I always wanted to be Susan but I have definite Bree tendencies.. although thankfully not the dress sense!!

Today I’m going to tackle the plastic tub of summer clothes that needs sticking in the wardrobe and try to find out where all my jumpers have gone! I’m also ordering myself a pair of fluffy slippers for the kids to give me for Xmas as I long ago gave up on DH to get the ones I like and my current ones have holes in!! Craving some exercise too, work schedule permitting.. how’s your day looking? Are you feeling more positive?

@SunscreenCentral can we inspire you to tackle a small job that’s been niggling you? We’re taking on the world one wash basket at a time!

@SunscreenCentral
you know what you're right, this is very very unmumsnetty behaviour
I'm surprised it went down like this
strangers on the net certainly give you the kick up the bum uou need

@Stircrazyschoolmum oh you gotta own bree
so organised!
thats a thought, i hate sorting out the wardrobe at the moment though because my toddler has a habit of helping me with the washing dumping everyone's clothes on the living room floor

Hahaha it really does feel like taking on the world if you saw my washing pile you would think its a whole world of its own! woops

@upsetandang

I found this thread very helpful OP, had a lot of the same feelings.
Just wondering how you’re getting on now?