To think DH's ex should give a heads up when DSC are ill before sending them?

[Faij]

I'm immunocompromised and what can be a barely noticeable cold for some people ends up being a considerably shit few weeks of feeling quite poorly for me.

This will mark the umpteenth time I've gotten ill after the DSC visiting, because their mother failed to mention they have something before they come. Had we known in advance, I could have kept my distance where possible (I would obviously not expect her to keep them at home but I could take steps on my end to reduce the risk to me!)

Early this week DSS announced he hasn't been well all weekend and has a cough and sore throat, after sitting so close to me and talking that I ended up with his spittle on my face (an accident, not his fault) but now I'm ill again

AIBU to expect her to let us know if they're not well before they come? Is that a big ask?

YANBU, of course you are not a simple heads up about a cold isn't much to ask.
Especially in a pandemic. It's not like a quick text beforehand is going to put the mother out is it.

You're his ex aren't you?

I am not.

@flaviaritt

You know, I’m going to ask my GP to call me every week to check I’m not ill. Totally unreasonable for me to have to have to make an appointment and tell her 😂

It is not your GP’s job to do this. It is the OP’s DH’s job (and hers) to take steps to safeguard her health. Not the ex partner’s.

In that case then I am not going to tell school when my dc is ill. I'm going to send them in every day and wait for them to ring and ask me. After all if they want to know they should ask right?

[quote Stantons]@flaviaritt but not just this thread, I've seen you having a go at step parents on a variety of threads I'm intrigued as to your motivation for it[/quote]
Interesting! Well spotted.

Well that adds weight to the theory

Yanbu.
They have covid symptoms. They need tests. Their mum should have sorted this as it happened in her time.

(And FWIW I'm a lone parent who never gets a break. Their mum should be more organised).

Just so you know flav, I'm not the other woman and my DH isn't a bastard so you don't need to project here.

I’m not. I am wondering why your DH doesn’t care enough about your health to ask a simple question once a week.

@flaviaritt

Just so you know flav, I'm not the other woman and my DH isn't a bastard so you don't need to project here.

I’m not. I am wondering why your DH doesn’t care enough about your health to ask a simple question once a week.

No you're not. You just don't think his ex should help at all. Why is that?

In that case then I am not going to tell school when my dc is ill. I'm going to send them in every day and wait for them to ring and ask me. After all if they want to know they should ask right?

No, because the school aren’t your child’s other parent. They aren’t responsible for this. You are. And in this case, the DH is responsible for his own family, not his ex partner. This isn’t serious illness, it’s a cold. No risk to the kids. The risk is to the OP. So she and her DH should manage it.

No you're not.

I really am.

@flaviaritt

In that case then I am not going to tell school when my dc is ill. I'm going to send them in every day and wait for them to ring and ask me. After all if they want to know they should ask right?

No, because the school aren’t your child’s other parent. They aren’t responsible for this. You are. And in this case, the DH is responsible for his own family, not his ex partner. This isn’t serious illness, it’s a cold. No risk to the kids. The risk is to the OP. So she and her DH should manage it.

But their mum is erm, their mum so why is she not responsible for her child's health, but I as a mother, am?

I’m not. I am wondering why your DH doesn’t care enough about your health to ask a simple question once a week.

You definitely are. I suspected you were an ex wife several pages back and that's before a PP pointed out that you make a habit of hounding step mothers.

Your agenda is clear and you've made a bit of a twat of yourself here.

All obscene.

Dictionary corner for you.

@flaviaritt

All obscene.

Dictionary corner for you.

Bitter ex wives club for you!

You definitely are. I suspected you were an ex wife several pages back and that's before a PP pointed out that you make a habit of hounding step mothers.

Think whatever you like. This is just throwing mud because it’s obvious there is a point here and you don’t like it. Sorry that is the case.

Are you ex wife in a similar situation then flaviaritt displaying animosity towards your exes new partner? Do you hate step parents because of what they represent to your own circumstances?

Bitter ex wives club for you!

Nope.

@flaviaritt

You definitely are. I suspected you were an ex wife several pages back and that's before a PP pointed out that you make a habit of hounding step mothers.

Think whatever you like. This is just throwing mud because it’s obvious there is a point here and you don’t like it. Sorry that is the case.

If it's a point why are you the only one that thinks it?

You definitely aren’t doing anything wrong by asking her. I’m immune compromised and I would be fuming if someone came near me knowing they were ill.

This isn’t serious illness, it’s a cold

How can you be so sure in the absence of a test?

Would you go to your relatives and mingle with a cough and sore throat at the minute without so much as letting them know you have something ?

I bet you would.

Are you ex wife in a similar situation then flaviaritt displaying animosity towards your exes new partner? Do you hate step parents because of what they represent to your own circumstances?

MN is so weird for this. When someone thinks someone else is wrong, people assume others are so daft that they can’t hold an opinion without some sort of deeply held personal bias. I am a first wife. One child, at the moment. Nothing to do with animosity towards anyone. My opinions are just as they are expressed here.

If dsd is 10, does he chat or text his Dad during the week?

Yanbu to want to know (and good that them being ill doesn't mean you want to cancel contact)

It's up to your h to ask and safeguard your health imo. Kids spend a lot of winter ill and tbh I would only tell my ex that our kids (now teens) were ill if it might result in hospital admission or it might result in them wanting to stay in bed here rather than go to his. (We separated when they were primary aged) If you asked me how my kids were today I might forget that one of them was sniffly or had a slight cough as schools in winter are a hotbed of germs. I wouldn't classify that kind of thing as illness.

It sounds like the mum is irresponsible not to get a Covid test for dss but I'm assuming that they are easy to get hold of in her area.

Is it possible she thinks you had Covid so won't catch it from dss? (Antibodies)

How can you be so sure in the absence of a test?

At the moment, with covid, you probably have a point. Usually you wouldn’t. But given it is lockdown/covid AND your DH knows you are immuno-compromised AND you have a baby, I find it unbelievable that he didn’t ask, and you are still shunting all the blame for that onto the mum.

Why didn’t he ask? It’s a simple question (mine).

YANBU 100% exH no 2’s ex wife sent the kids to us with all sorts of bugs which then spread to our household, one was dropped off with her sick bowl clutched in her hands, a heads up would have been appreciated. I always gave exH no 1 the heads up if DD was unwell and gave him the option to skip contact if he wanted to.

No, because the school aren’t your child’s other parent. They aren’t responsible for this. You are. And in this case, the DH is responsible for his own family, not his ex partner. This isn’t serious illness, it’s a cold. No risk to the kids. The risk is to the OP. So she and her DH should manage it.

I’d tell my children’s father if any of them have colds. It’s just the normal thing to do. The op is at risk so even more reason for them to know. It’s a text from the mum, not a walk over hot coals and swimming through a pit of snakes. Simple courtesy goes out of the window for some people doesn’t it?

Yabu. At 10.years old your sc is old enough to say if he has a cold.And your dh definitely needs to step up and ask if theres anything he needs to know about on arrival. In the meantime I would keep your distance.