To think DH's ex should give a heads up when DSC are ill before sending them?

[Faij]

I'm immunocompromised and what can be a barely noticeable cold for some people ends up being a considerably shit few weeks of feeling quite poorly for me.

This will mark the umpteenth time I've gotten ill after the DSC visiting, because their mother failed to mention they have something before they come. Had we known in advance, I could have kept my distance where possible (I would obviously not expect her to keep them at home but I could take steps on my end to reduce the risk to me!)

Early this week DSS announced he hasn't been well all weekend and has a cough and sore throat, after sitting so close to me and talking that I ended up with his spittle on my face (an accident, not his fault) but now I'm ill again

AIBU to expect her to let us know if they're not well before they come? Is that a big ask?

Well my DC is ill now too, wonderful.

But that’s what happens when you have kids. They’re germ magnets.

Even if she told you - the kids are around each other in the house and likely to catch stuff.

True, but you should always avoid passing it on where possible or at least let people know so they can mitigate the risk to themselves.

Me and baby both have very unpleasant BM, to put it politely. I don't recall ever having this with a common cold.

I am the OP btw.

Yes. She should.

But she’s not going to.

You can’t make her. Sorry.

Perhaps if he was more involved with the day to day care of his children he would know if they were sick or not without asking.

@MyDingALingADingDong

Perhaps if he was more involved with the day to day care of his children he would know if they were sick or not without asking.

Even if he had them mostly and their mum only had them EOW he still wouldn't know if they were ill in her time unless she told him. Involved parents don't come with a crystal ball

I am also immunocompromised so know exactly how you feel....

I've asked / begged for years but still ex refuses to say in advance.. seems like such a small courtesy to me & I always say myself and even give the option of swopping times.

OP here.

Surprise surprise.

Got a text from DH's ex this morning to say DSS' best friend in his class had tested positive for covid so they all have to isolate.

It's no coincidence that happens a week after he comes here with a cough and sore throat.

Wonderful. Well spread.

So now you're upset because she's telling you? She literally can't win

@HallieKnight

So now you're upset because she's telling you? She literally can't win

I think OPs point was that DSC shouldn't have come last week because he had a cough. Now people in his class have tested positive, he could have had it when he was with OP last week.

@flaviaritt

If the mum knows they are poorly it doesn’t hurt for her to mention it. My point being why should the dad have to ask everytime when the mum knows already, it’s just common courtesy.

Because this is expecting her to do his job. Why should he ask? Well, why should she tell? He is the one with the responsibility to the OP, not his ex. It is his job to ascertain whether his kids are sick, and this can be done with a simple question just as easily as the information can be shared. Except it is his job, not hers, to check.

This, OP. Your DH can expect as much as he wants, but his ex has no responsibiity to you, it's your DH who has that responsibility. He should be asking.

You're pointing the issue at the DSC's Mum when in actual fact your DH needs to be the one resolving this, and the fact is, he's not. Either he needs to step up or you need to accept that this is how it is, because she owes you nothing.

Also OP you have three identities running on this thread - just checking you are aware in case there are any previous threads you'd prefer not to be linked to.

Mumsnet is a strange place to be sometimes.

In no way is it acceptable to send sick children between households when they have symptoms of covid, let alone not telling the other parent that the children aren't well.

The mother absolutely had an obligation to let her ex know they weren't well, we are in a global pandemic for god sake. Now the OP reports that a close contact of the children has tested positive for the virus so it's highly likely that it was covid that was brought into her household which includes a small baby.

Some posters hatred for step mothers really does blur their ability to apply logic and morals.

There’s a world of difference between “sick kids” and a cough, a cold or a sniffle. Huge.

Op you are getting a really hard time... yes as a mum and a stepmum it is 100% the job of the person handing over the children to mention any illness, emotional issue, school issues or even if they've had a big hot meal already, Especially if the child is under 10.
This is the stuff that as a parent if they were with you, you would know and you may have to react to whilst they are in your care.
We have just dealt with an issue where dsd mother failed to mention her other younger child had been sent home with a contagious disease, which she has no idea if carried by dsd could be a issue. Luckily dsd is clever enough to tell us. It is common sense to share relevant information about child's welfare at handover.

I'm immunosuppressed and have had the same with DSC. I think part of it is their mum isn't an ill person so it doesn't occur to her but the other half is just a big fuck you to me as I'm sure she thinks I exaggerate my illness and that my OH chooses my health over seeing his kids.

My partner's ex always sends her daughter to us when she is ill and it's no different now we have a baby it's just selfish so if SD his with us when she is poorly she is not allowed near the baby simple as

Personally I'd tell you before they arrived.

But I really care for my kids and would want to make sure they were taken care of and considered properly when they were ill going to NRPs.

If DSC been on medicine all week has mum not even contacted you to advise you to go and get some before they arrive, or sent any medicine to give to DSC?!

Once again, the SM is being expected to deal with this, when 1 - its dad who should surely be responsible for this issue, and 2- mum should be making it clear in case medicine is needed etc...

Zombie thread!

The RP has a responsibility to inform the NRP if the children are ill, if they are going to stay at their house

That's without the added factor of an immunocompromised step mother being there.

The NRP of the children has a responsibility to ask the RP if the children are well if they are going to stay at his house (along with other such important matters all under the banner of 'How are they/have they been this week?'. And even more so with the added factor of an immunocompromised wife being there.

Unfortunately, your DH is prepared to put you at risk out of sheer pigheadedness in refusing to ask the mother of his children how they are.

Why does this sodding app drop the last few posts out on thread and has such small type, it's impossible to read the date without a sodding magnifying glass (as you can't zoom in)?