To think DH's ex should give a heads up when DSC are ill before sending them?

[Faij]

I'm immunocompromised and what can be a barely noticeable cold for some people ends up being a considerably shit few weeks of feeling quite poorly for me.

This will mark the umpteenth time I've gotten ill after the DSC visiting, because their mother failed to mention they have something before they come. Had we known in advance, I could have kept my distance where possible (I would obviously not expect her to keep them at home but I could take steps on my end to reduce the risk to me!)

Early this week DSS announced he hasn't been well all weekend and has a cough and sore throat, after sitting so close to me and talking that I ended up with his spittle on my face (an accident, not his fault) but now I'm ill again

AIBU to expect her to let us know if they're not well before they come? Is that a big ask?

How do you forget your own child is ill ffs?

Mind boggles

He HAS asked her to let us know if the kids have a bug/cold/illness and explained exactly why that was.

And if it was so important to him, he wouldn’t ask her to let him know. He would simply ask her at pick up.

@flaviaritt

You really think it's hard for her to say her kid is ill?

I don’t think it is hard. I think it is easy for him to ask, and, if he cared as much about his wife’s health as he seems to think his ex ought to, he would. He clearly doesn’t care enough to ask, just enough to expect her to do it. Quelle surprise.

How many times. He has asked. There is no need for him to ask every single time. Do you have an ex?

I can see the other thread now...

"Aibu to think my ex doesn't need to ask if our kids are ill every single time he picks up and that I can just tell him if they actually are ill?"

And the responding answer would be no yanbu because anything else would be fucking ridiculous.

She refuses to share important information.

No, she would be refusing to share the information if he asked her and she said, “Not telling you.” This is not volunteering information. Because the information can be sought by the OP’s DH, and he isn’t seeking it, except to ‘expect’ her to remember to tell him. Why can’t he remember to ask?

How many times. He has asked. There is no need for him to ask every single time. Do you have an ex?

There is a need for him to ask every single time, because otherwise he is expecting his ex to remember something that ought to be important enough to him for him to ask. And he won’t.

And my relationship status has nothing to do with that.

@Faij hi there is a lot of bickering about who is right but to solve the problem could you make a rule that if the child is unwell enough that he needs medicine on the day of the visit, ex tells DH? At least then you will get a heads up for more serious illness.

Please be very careful about not letting your quite extreme views about minor health issues impact the DC.

I don't have extreme views, I have a compromised immune system.

It is for that very reason (not wanting to impact the DC) that I don't question them every time they come.

If they are ill then there will be a reasonable adjustment on my part, but I don't make a song and dance about it.

DH has asked his ex to give us a heads up in advance so I can adjust accordingly (not sitting too close for example, or if they are coughing/sneezing alot then to spend more time in the bedroom out of the way)

I have to take those steps for the sake of my health. I also have a baby who depends on me not being laid up ill, where avoidable.

@flaviaritt

How many times. He has asked. There is no need for him to ask every single time. Do you have an ex?

There is a need for him to ask every single time, because otherwise he is expecting his ex to remember something that ought to be important enough to him for him to ask. And he won’t.

And my relationship status has nothing to do with that.

Oh it has everything to do with it. I reckon you're a fully paid up member of the ex wives club and just want to give op a kicking to make yourself feel better. No other reason for your obscene views.

How do you forget your own child is ill ffs?

A cold? Pretty easily. It’s not major to the mum.

How do you forget your own wife is immuno-compromised?

At the end of the day, if she doesn’t do it, you’re going t9 have to take actions yourself.

I reckon you're a fully paid up member of the ex wives club and just want to give op a kicking to make yourself feel better. No other reason for your obscene views.

Do you know what “obscene” means?

@flaviaritt

I reckon you're a fully paid up member of the ex wives club and just want to give op a kicking to make yourself feel better. No other reason for your obscene views.

Do you know what “obscene” means?

Yes, I do.

@flaviaritt

How do you forget your own child is ill ffs?

A cold? Pretty easily. It’s not major to the mum.

How do you forget your own wife is immuno-compromised?

He clearly hasn't hence asking his ex to tell him when his kids are ill.

TrustTheGeneGenie

Could you explain, then, what is “obscene” about what I have said?

He clearly hasn't hence asking his ex to tell him when his kids are ill.

But when I suggested to the OP that he just asks her weekly, that’s apparently too much for him. Maybe he forgets.

Anyone would think we were asking the OP’s DH to do the same to find out this information that is so vital to him and his family.

You know, I’m going to ask my GP to call me every week to check I’m not ill. Totally unreasonable for me to have to have to make an appointment and tell her 😂

No, she would be refusing to share the information if he asked her and she said, “Not telling you.” This is not volunteering information. Because the information can be sought by the OP’s DH, and he isn’t seeking it, except to ‘expect’ her to remember to tell him. Why can’t he remember to ask?

Riiight.
She’s withholding important information then. Which isn’t in her child’s best interests.
When the child is in her care, it’s her responsibility to inform other people if they need to know. I would say the same if it was the other way around.

Are you the ex wife flaviaritt?

Sure sounds like it.

@flaviaritt

TrustTheGeneGenie

Could you explain, then, what is “obscene” about what I have said?

You think 3 words is piling on the work. You think mother's routinely forget their children are ill. You think the dh is a shit parent for forgetting even though he hasn't. All obscene.

@flaviaritt

He clearly hasn't hence asking his ex to tell him when his kids are ill.

But when I suggested to the OP that he just asks her weekly, that’s apparently too much for him. Maybe he forgets.

You're his ex aren't you?

Flaviaritt's posts scream bitter ex to me too.

Just so you know flav, I'm not the other woman and my DH isn't a bastard so you don't need to project here.

Hurt people hurt people and all that...

@flaviaritt but not just this thread, I've seen you having a go at step parents on a variety of threads I'm intrigued as to your motivation for it

You know, I’m going to ask my GP to call me every week to check I’m not ill. Totally unreasonable for me to have to have to make an appointment and tell her 😂

It is not your GP’s job to do this. It is the OP’s DH’s job (and hers) to take steps to safeguard her health. Not the ex partner’s.

Stantons

Maybe the people I have spoken with were being unreasonable?