I hate my engagement and wedding ring

[tiredtimes100]

Just that really. Married for 5 years and still can't get over it. When he proposed it was beautiful because it was a ring that he proposed with but when I found out it barely had any diamond in it and was bought online it just made me feel shit. Like he didn't even bother making an effort to physically go in and have a look or ask me to go and look together (he wanted to surprise me).
My DSIL goes on about how much effort her husband went through to get her engagement/wedding and promise ring. I don't know if she says it to annoy me (it does) because it's sending out a message that 'my DH gave a shit yours didn't'. But that's not the issue. It's the fact that I don't want to wear it or even look at it anymore.

I like to say I'm normally grateful but I can't seem to get past this. I feel like it's ruined things such as me passing it on as an heirloom because it worthless. I know memories and love count for it etc. I love my DH but can't shake it off. I don't know if it's DSIL going on about hers has made me feel this way.

I've asked for an upgrade but I don't think it will happen for a while as we aren't in a position to spend money on a piece of jewellery and I guess sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter anymore.

Maybe I'm just being an idiot. I don't wear the rings anymore and it doesn't bother him because..why would it :(

@LilacPebbles

What are people imagining about online shopping that is so bad? Didn't realise ordering something online was the equivalent of obtaining it off the back of a lorry 🤣 or has he got it from the dark web?! He probably got it from one of the high street stores mentioned throughout the thread but was able to have a really in-depth look to compare without feeling tied into buying there an then. Or maybe ordered from a retailer where you can get a superior diamond for your money and choose the style and setting.

My rings were bought online, from an American website, and they're stunning! Slightly less than 1ct but the wedding ring (solitaire) has been complimented by a few ppl as the sparkliest ring they’ve ever seen!

FWIW I always suspect marriages to be in trouble if the woman has to tell the world what an effort he made

Not really. Maybe she's just proud that her husband loves her enough to understand how important jewellery is to her? I'd totally boast to everyone if my husband chose any jewellery for me because it would be unusual - he's adorable, but does get bling, but that's cool.

although it may not cost the earth he never says no to me and he spoils me on other things

Oh dear, doesn't sound very healthy.

Oh wow 😳 my hubby proposed to me with a £50 cubic zirconia ring. I actually now wear some Pandora stacking rings that him and the kids bought for me a few years later as my engagement ring and wedding ring never sat together well. I’m not interested in diamonds, I’m interested in my lovely husband and our children.

Crikey DH proposed and the next day cleared his throat and said, I guess you need a ring. Me, "um yes". Him "are youngping to want to go to more than one shop". "Um yes". Him "hmm, do you fancy choosing it and I'll go and pay for it". "Fine by me - budget?" Him "how much will one bigger than M's cost?" A lot, but I'd like a coloured stone in the middle so more bang for your bucks. 30 years ago now - he's not called Mr Romance for nothing!

And for all the nay sayers I has not valued about 10 years ago and it was worth three times more than we paid for it!

Not RTFT but there is a massive difference between being upset because he put no effort in, or because it was cheap.

My DH took me to a jeweller, I tried on a few engagement rings and then he said 'I think we'll go away and think about it for a while' there's never been any romance in this house

‘ I’m not interested in diamonds, I’m interested in my lovely husband and our children’

^ why do people say shit like this?

I rather like both

@Katiejanej

What's is your opinion on enhanced diamonds?

Seems a little odd that you and your SIL seem to keep on comparing your rings to each other! My SIL usually just wears her wedding ring anyway .I love my eternity ring ,but dont keep showing her! Why not get another ring or eternity ring for an anniversary if you can afford it?

@OhTheRoses it’s a contradiction and a half though isn’t it 😅. ‘I’m only interested in my husband and our lovely children, and I’m writing this on mumsnet, so clearly enjoy things that aren’t my husband and children’

🤦🏼‍♀️

‘ I’m not interested in diamonds, I’m interested in my lovely husband and our children

Some of us have a lovely husband, lovely children.... but still love diamonds and emeralds and sapphires and rubies... Tberes nothing wrong with having an appreciation of jewellery and not having one does it make you a better person.

I’d avoid them at all costs, they lose their strength and magic, and I’d never buy one or sell one, really, however lovely they look online, they’re not lovely, and they’re not strong, i consider them on par with diamond simulants, and the better option would be a Moissanite. We don’t do moissanites but they fascinate me, they were first discovered on a meteorite that crashed into earth and assumed to be diamonds, they’re sparklier than diamonds and beautiful in their own right 💎

[quote nancybotwinbloom]@Katiejanej

What's is your opinion on enhanced diamonds?

[/quote]
Sorry just replied but it didn’t do the @ thing 👌

Spoilt brat much!! Diamonds are a huge con anyway! Look it up.

@Katiejanej thank you

@Onadifferentuniverse the paradox is I wouldn't have the ring or the children without the husband. TBF I could live without the ring but not without the DH or DC.

I still love my engagement ring and when we got married I never thought I would catch my breath at the sheer spirituality of the moment when the priest blessed the wedding rings.

@tiredtimes100 My DH bought me a second hand engagement ring, it is very precious to me because he went to the pawnbrokers to choose it himself. I don't think I'd have been bothered if he had bought something online (didn't exist then). The wedding ring I bought myself; the plainest band I could find (second hand). Its just a symbol really.

I wonder if this preoccupation with the rings is a symptom of something deeper. I do sympathise, OP.

Yes husband definitely needs to get an upgrade

Yeh op be grateful for the cheap ring your husband put very little thought and effort into, and just be glad you have a man.

@MonicaBelulaGellar perhaps you could please refrain from name calling?

I'd be careful your DH doesn't decide to get an upgrade.

Sorry if that is harsh but so what if it contains hardly any diamond and was bought online. What happened to true love? The marriage being important, not the material things like rings and expensive weddings? I know plenty of people who have lovely rings and shit marriages. I know which I would prefer. I'd really question the state of SIL relationship if she has to bang on about the ring so much. Surely if you're going to boast at all it would be about what a lovely PERSON your DH is. And money cannot buy that.

I don’t hate mine, they’re lovely but a bit small now and they’re what we could afford at the time. I’ve upgraded a few times in 25 years🤣

This is the problem with this regression recently for the man to propose with a ring he's already bought. For years couples went ring shopping together. Then "proposals" became huge, like something put of Edwardian times. You don't like the ring, then sell it. Someone will like it. You're focusing on empty romantic notions rather than a marriage.